Goodnight

The moon rode high and bright and it hurt her eyes to look at it.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
The night was cold and crisp as autumn should be.
Another year had passed and nothing.
Her heart broken open. Stitched back together only to be broken open again.
Tonight she needed to let go. Really just let the pain fly away on the breeze and allow the memories to drift to where they need to lie.

She looked back up at the bright moon and allowed the light to sting her eyes. Then she whispered the words out loud, to make it all real.

"Then I said goodnight and tucked you away inside a place called Nostalgia, where you'll always remain unspoiled, somewhere between my lungs that used to breathe ocean air, and my belly that fluttered with hope."

One tear slid down her cheek, then another and then more.
Her face wet with the tears of what could have been she stood and walked back into the house to close the door on her pain.

Help Me Unlearn

Of course there was no answer.
Though there was a part of her that hoped that he would respond to her lighthearted message.
A glance to her phone laying silent on the passenger seat of her car made her heart clench painfully.

"Foolish girl." she said aloud in the dark car while she sat in the parking lot.

Anger rose in her and without thinking she snatched up the phone, stabbed his number in and listened to the rings.
Oh he would not answer but she would leave him a peace of her mind.
That was for sure.
She did not think that he should ignore her forever. They had such a deep friendship and now that a little feeling came into the picture he ran away.
Jerk.

Her anger melted away as she listened to his voice on the other end.

"I'm sorry. I know I have been silent. I know I have been away but I just can't." he said softly.

Her voice could not come forth, only the tears streamed down her cheeks. Then his voice came again, and the pain increased.

"I see you sitting there in the car. I know where you go to think. All I know is that you want me to be with you when I can't do what you wish me to."

Her gaze snapped to look out her windshield and she saw him standing in front of his truck with the phone to his ear. Her soul shattered because she knew this man loved her. Adored her. Wanted to be with her but the way she lived her life prevented him from this.
She knew the texture of his skin. What made him laugh. How to calm him from fears and how to make his demons be quiet. He knew how to touch her pain away. To make her feel loved and beautiful. To verbally spar with her to a point they both ended up laughing.
How would she ever unlearn the lessons of him.

"Help me.." she said, voice cracking, "Help me unlearn what I've learned, unravel what shouldn't stay tied and walk away, even when it will never feel comfortable, gentle or right."

Blurry eyes watched him go very still. She heard him hang up as she watched him do it.
Her heart thumped painfully against her ribs as she thought this was it.
It was well and truly over.
But it wasn't.
He walked across the parking lot towards her car and she scrambled to get out, to meet him, to meet whatever fate would come.

He stood there staring down into her eyes and one hand lifted to brush the tears that rolled down her cheeks. His eyes were filled with anguish and love.
A tiny spark of hope flared.
What would happen now?

One Kiss

Fall had come to the mountains.
Leaves were turning to their fiery colors and the breeze was cool.
Her gaze stayed on the tree outside the building where she waited. Its golden and red leaves fluttering down to the street reminded her how time never stopped.

She turned to see him arrive. The car slipped past her to park beside hers and she felt her heartbeat speed up.
It had been so long since she had seen him.
She had to admit she was shocked she was standing here at this place again with him again.
But as they say, real connections never die.

They embraced. Talked. Things were like they had always been, Comfortable. Happy.

The gloom in her soul began to creep up as the time began to wane. She knew he would leave. He would promise to call and time would pass before he did. Lots of time would pass. Her heart would sink. She would worry. She would cry.

It was time to act. It was time to say what was on her mind and not allow this distance to keep them apart any longer.

"We stay apart for so long. Such deep silences. Such sadness. I always wonder what is on your mind. Why you stay so far away from me for so long and when we come together like this it is as if we haven't even been apart." She spoke softly staring into his dark eyes. She was close. So close she could feel the heat radiating off his body.
The desire to touch him was overwhelming. She wanted to be in his arms. When he held her close the world went away. Everything went quiet and the comfort was deep.
She lifted one hand to place it on his chest over his heart.
It was beating faster than normal. Just like hers.

He still said nothing. And so she thought, this is how it will always be. His thoughts in his own mind and never in her ears.

In that moment of her pondering she felt his hands settle to her shoulders and her eyes snapped back to stare into his.
Tingling awareness raced over her skin and in that moment she knew things were about to change.
Change completely.

He tugged her against his body and his lips took hers in a deep kiss.
The world quieted and the warmth within her body grew to an inferno. She felt hot all the way to her core.
Her arms circled him and her form pressed to his body.
The kiss deepened.
His tongue sliding through her mouth. She could feel how aroused he was. She could feel his heart slamming in his chest against her own fluttering heart.

He broke the kiss, looked into her eyes and whispered.

"In one kiss, you'll know all I haven't said."

In that softly spoken statement he was correct and she made a statement of her own while she pressed her lips to his again.

The Touch of the Goddess

(Photo Credit: Aran Islands - Inishmore - Dún Aengus)

Swirling leaves danced along the pathway as the faint sounds of owls and other rustling creatures raced away through the bushes on either side of the path. A full moon hung in the inky skies and a pair of emerald eyes lifted to that hanging light in the sky, praying reverently for release from the pain in her heart.

Eyes dropping to the winding path once again her feet carried her through the moonlit darkness, the forest around her was filled with life. Coming to a clearing where the pathway fell off a cliff to the rocks and crashing ocean below, she paused.
She stood upon the precipice, eyes fixed to the seething dark water below.
Tears dropped from her cheeks to fall soundlessly to the waves crashing below. The wind buffeted her small form as she contemplated if it was worth this, or to go back to face the pain of the loss.
A soft moan filled the air and she was startled to hear her own aching heart crying out.
Again she looked down at the crashing waves, how easy it would be just to take that last step and let the pain go.
She would not be missed.

The forest behind her went silent, the crashing of the waves sounded far away as something began to glow behind her.
Turning slowly she watched a ribbon of silvery light dance slightly above the forest floor heading towards her. A sense of peace filled her soul and she did not move, she only watched this dancing ribbon. It slowly shimmered into the shape of a woman and she stepped forward, the very ground her bare feet touched glowing silver.
A serene smile was upon the apparitions lips, her golden hair hung around her like spun gold and her eyes reminded her of twin stars that blazed with power. With a startled gasp escaping her she realized the Goddess was before her and she fell to her knees in worship. Head bowed, shoulders shaking she thought she was caught in the tendrils of a dream but when the hand touched the top of her head she felt her mind still.
Slowly her eyes lifted to meet those of the Goddess.

“Tis not time to go yet Sky, it is time for you to do your work.” Her voice was soothing balm to her heart. Mending the pieces that had shattered long ago.

“There is one who shares your soul, he awaits your rescue as he stands upon a precipice as well. Go, find him and rescue one another.”

Sky just stared up into the eyes of the Goddess, hearing the words coming from the entity telling her to live. Telling her to go forth and work once again. To go into the world to face the pain.

The Goddess placed a fingertip to her forehead and whispered.
“Your pain will heal. Your heart will be strong. You will awaken with only the knowledge of what you must do my child. I am always with you.”

The words filled her mind, soothed her pain ravaged soul and the world went black.

Scared to Get Close

Alone she stood at the edge of the lake watching the wind whip up whitecaps across the dark surface. The sun was going down, the storm could be seen brewing over the lake and the wind was howling in glee at the coming deluge. 
Lightning cracked, thunder boomed but she did not move. Her gaze was pinned on a distant place, out past the churning water, past the smell of ozone and past the dark clouds that brought the rain. 
Her gaze was unfocused and all she could see was his back as he walked away from her. All she could hear was the silence of him. 
All she could taste were her tears that never seemed to stop streaming down her face. 

Another earth shattering boom of thunder brought her to the real world and out of her memories to look up at the storm as it rushed towards her. 
Without a thought she brought her camera up, it had been forgotten hanging in her hand, and began to snap pictures of the rage as it swept down upon her. 
When the first raindrop spattered against her face she turned and ran towards her car. Worried about her camera more than the lightning that seemed to chase her, she slipped the camera under her shirt and ran faster. The rain began to pelt down against her, cold and wet. She slipped into the car without a moment to spare as the sky unleashed its fury. Sheets of rain, almost blacking out the world, fell down upon the car. 
Gasping she set the camera down on the seat next to her and realized that not all the wetness on her face was the rain. Tears of loss and sorrow mingled with the summer water that fell from the sky. 

She was alone. 
Truly alone and she did not understand why.

She had pondered this dilemma in the past but she thought with her openness and honesty that she would avoid hurting neither anyone nor herself. 
She had though; she had run people off with her strange ways. People she loved more than anything in the world. Alienated her friends, for they could not quite understand her, nor could they soothe her pain. Out of frustration they all had left her, one by one. 
A sob wrenched from her throat, as guttural as the thunder outside the car and she sat there in the rage of the storm and sobbed for her losses while the skies cried their own tears. 

Infatuated

"You left." he said softly as he stood beside her car. "You left and never said another word."

She watched this man, this dark entity with whom she shared more soul with than anyone she had ever experienced in her life. It was an unnerving feeling; this loss of control she had.
This man, this person who took her for a ride into the stars where she thought she had finally found what she had always been seeking, left her in silence.
She walked away without a word for his reasons for the prolonged silence hurt.
They showed her that she was not even good enough to be second choice.

"We had a connection and I know I jacked it up. I am sorry for that. So much was going on..." he trailed off and stood there silent, eyes dark and brooding.

"Yes, I was infatuated with you; I am still. No one has ever heightened such a keen capacity of physical sensation in me. I cut you out because I couldn't stand being a passing fancy. Before I give my body, I must give my thoughts, my mind, my dreams. And you weren't having any of those." her voice came out harsher than she intended but the pain that still flowed with in her, the way her heart fluttered when he was near made the anger surface.

He stood there silent and that is when she realized that this man really did not know what to do. He was so damaged and life hating that he had no clue.
The anger drained away, replaced momentarily by pity and then a wave of protectiveness came over her. The healer within her wanted to wipe away the pain that has twisted him into this doppelganger of a being.
She shook her head, opened her car door and tossed her bag inside.

"Wait.....I....." he stumbled over his words and then went silent again.

She turned to him, seeing his distress her empathy flared to life and in a moment she made her decision.
Both hands came up to settle against each cheek and she stared into his dark eyes. Those eyes that made her melt so long ago when they were filled with desire for her.
She could feel the tremors within his body and she took control.
Her lips found his and she kissed him deeply.
She was rewarded by a soft moan of relief and pleasure then his body was molded to hers. Arms snaking around her small form and he deepened the kiss.

She leaned back, breaking the kiss to look into bewildered brown eyes.
"We cannot start over but we can start from here." she said softly.

"Then here it is." He said softly and smiled. "Onward to something new that is good for both of us."

Tell Your Story

*Quote by: Anne Lamott*

She sat in the coffee shop and stared at her laptop. The stories there were all filled with passion, love and pain. Her cursor hovered over the delete button for one of the stories she had typed out on wine fueled, tear filled evening.
Drama. That is what her writing was viewed as. She wrote to spill the emotions from her heart the only way she knew.

"I don't want to delete this." she whispered softly.

"Then don't" a woman's voice came from behind her.
She turned to see an old woman sitting at the small table behind her.
Dressed smartly in a dark blue business suit, practical brown heels, and her blonde hair coiled on her head. Within that blonde coif sat, at a jaunty angle, a red pillbox hat with a small gold feather.
She had to smile at that little touch of I am who I am touch.

"Don't delete writing that comes from your heart my dear"

"I have been told its drama." she said with a sigh. "Guess it is not what some people want to read. I have been called harsh with my words."

The woman took a drink from her cup, set it down and the stood gathering her purse with her.

"You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories.If people wanted you to write warmly of them then they should have behaved better."

The words hit her like an arrow of realization and she nodded.

"You are right. They are my stories and while they may not always be happy they have made me who I am." her chin lifted at that last word.

The suited woman inclined her head then tossed down a business card on top of the keyboard.

"Polish up your stories and then give me a call. I think we have business to discuss."
And with that she walked out of the coffee shop the gold feather in the red had swaying in the breeze.
She looked down at the card and gasped to see the woman was the head of a publishing company.

A grin spread on her face and she knew that her soul spilled forth was worth the pain.