You Will Stumble Upon

The lightning lights up the dark room and the thunder soon rolls through, shaking the windows of the house.
She lays there in the bed on her side, staring out the open window to watch the lethal bolts of energy crack the sky.
Her heart hurt. It was interesting to feel it hurt after such a long stretch of nothing.
She was a dead stick for a long time and even to feel this pain was something better than nothing.
The pictures she had stumbled across set her heart to pounding and then she was back in time.
Standing in the darkness wrapped in his strong arms while the beat away the spirits that plagued them. They knew in that moment their bond was unbreakable. She quieted his demons and he set hers free. That night was one of discovery and learning and there was more to be had but it was not meant to be.
The room lit up again with white light and she could remember the feel of his skin under her fingertips, the strength in his arms and the calm that surrounded them.

She remembered a quote she read, not remembering the author but it hit home. Hard home run.

One day whether you are 14, 28 or 65 you will stumble upon someone who will start a fire in you that cannot die. However, the saddest most awful truth you will ever come to find is that they are not always with whom we spend our lives.

One tear slid down her cheek to soak into the pillow as the storm moved off into the distance and the night grew dark and silent once again.

She Was Beautiful

He paused in his rush to get to the office as he saw the woman sitting in the sunshine on the low stone wall.
Her hair was purple but not in the crayon color purple but a purple that had various shades of red threading through. It was a vision of cool fire to see on that late spring afternoon.
She sat with a book in her hand, headphones in and sunglasses on her face.
Something about her made him pause, but today only a moment and he rushed to get to his meeting.

There she was again. Two days ago he had seen her sitting there in the sun and today is no exception But the sun is not out today and the gray clouds crowd in on the high rises all around the small park.
So many people rushing to something at this lunchtime moment but all he could do today was stare.
Her hair was just dark today but he knew the fire was there in those strands.
Sunglasses gone and he could see her beautiful face He wondered what color her eyes were. He hoped they would be green and they would see his soul. That battered thing that he rarely let see the light of day.
His phone rang and he jumped. Glancing down he realized he was late for a meeting. Phone to his face he ran off towards his own high rise in the city.

A week had gone by. The sun was out again with a heat that told summer was coming. She was there again today. Alone. She was always alone with her book and her lunch. No one even glanced at the pretty dress she wore with the black boots that looked like army issue. She never looked up and kept her attention on the book in her hand.
She was beautiful in the quiet way that lonely unnoticed people are beautiful to those who notice them.
He noticed her. All of her. He needed to see her eyes and so he turned off his phone and walked to the beauty on the wall.
Her eyes were green. His soul smiled.

Individuals

There comes a time when you must open your eyes to the truth and realize those who left your life had their reasons.
The interesting thing is that the reasons are usually never what you think they are.
And those reasons usually have nothing to do with you personally.

Then comes the moment when you run across that soul once again. They cross your path.
A spark of hope comes to life. Then you think only of the good things. Only of the pretty picture without flaws.
How it could be this time. But you are still ignored. Still pressed away into their lost memories.

When you find truth it is up to you to decide what to do with it.

For a moment there was pain. Regret. Sadness. Feelings of not being good enough. A why not me sort of flow within the soul.
That moment faded away quite suddenly and there was just the past that remained.
That inevitable place that we need to teach ourselves not to dwell in.

Then the dawning comes....

Individuals in my past have proven to be neither friends nor enemies of mine, but we are strangers who share memories,

Good or bad, they are memories.

No new ones will take their place for strangers seem to pass through like a breeze.

Wait

(Quote Pulled from Pinterest - no Author found)

No response.
Did she really expect anything else to happen?
Did she really think that her well written words would spark something within him to have him change his ways? Have him run to her side with apologies and vows to always be there for her?
Of course not.
She was a fool.
At least this time she only had hope for the magical outcome for a short time.
During that short time, while browsing through quotes one popped up and made her nod her head at the computer screen.
She could hear the words whispered to her from across a great distance.
She read it out loud as she sat in her room alone about to cry:

"Wait for the person who pursues you, the one who will make an ordinary moment seem magical, the kind of person who brings out the best in you and makes you want to be a better person. Wait for the person who will be your best friend, the only person who will drop everything to be with you at any time no matter what the circumstances."

She nodded at her computer again and she swore she felt it smile.

Realize

Years had passed and there were times she never even thought of those who had left.
Then there were times when she would run across a picture and pause.
She would wait for the twisting pain in her heart that always would come but after time, the pain faded into nothing but a faint twinge of memory.

All those tears she cried. Were they not real? Were they something in the moment only? Not to last the test of time?

She gave so much love, kindness and respect and did not see hardly any returned.
It took a long time for her to understand why when those dark eyes would shine with so much desire and love but the actions would not match. The silence reigned so much that she felt as she was dealing with a mute.

What you eventually realize is some people won't ever see your heart; even when you show it to them.
It is then  you'll understand, they're still searching for their own.

Razors and Maps

"You have been so calm. I cannot believe that you are not falling apart after what has happened." her friend said from across the room.

She glanced up from the drink she was mixing at the counter in the kitchen and shrugged.
"I am done falling apart. I did that a few too many times and where did it get me?" she said then sipped at her drink.
Vodka, the drink that takes the pain away.

"Yeah but this time it is done. Truly done. You sent that email and got no response. You basically said goodbye to another person whom you love." Her friend sat on the couch shaking her head because she just did not understand.
The problem was that she, herself, understood all too well what happened in both cases and in reality, it had nothing to do with her. Those boys, cause they were not men for running away like thieves in the night with her heart, left because because they could not handle it. Could not handle looking her in the eye with the truth.
Another sip of the vodka and she sighed loudly,.

"When you love someone.... truly love them, friend or lover, you lay your heart open to them." she said as she walked towards where her friend sat. She could feel the lump in her throat growing as she thought about the pain she had endured, the loss, the feelings of not being good enough. She shook it off then continued.
"You give them a part of yourself that you give to no one else, and you let them inside a part of you that only they can hurt - you literally hand them the razor with a map of where to cut deepest and most painfully on your heart and soul."

She took another drink and sat down beside her friend on the couch.

"You can either crumble under that pain, realizing that the ones you loved the most just tore you apart or you can allow the healing to scar you up. Then once those scars are in place you can look down at the mass of pain that lies there and face it down. You can learn from it and realize that whatever they did was not to you. It was not about you. Actually, it had nothing to do with you. It was all about them, their fear and their need to run away from something they could not control."

She downed her drink and stared her friend in the eye and said.

"But I can control how I react to such things. How I perceive what happened and as I took a step backwards I saw that I was really the one who escaped with only a few scars for my trouble. They will never have healing because they never faced what they had before them. A lifetime of what ifs. That, my friend, is something I would not trade my scarred up heart for."

Author Note and Chatter

    I was reading over some of my old work within this blog and can see that I have struggled through some intense, emotional times. I do not regret those times; I cherish them for they made the emotions I had swirling within burst forth in release. I did not need to keep the pain nor the day dreams inside any more.
I am grateful for that.
I have been very quiet these past months for my heart has hardened.
I wish to soften it up. To look at someone with those lust filled eyes or be staring out the window on a snowy day day dreaming of something grand.
It will take a moment.

    I also wanted to take this time to explain the nature of my blog.
My intent is to use this place as a release for emotions and things I need to say out loud. Put those vibrations into the universe to have them multiply or fly away to nothing.
I take quotes from authors, speakers, etc and place them in picture form on the blog. I will then incorporate that quote within my writing.
I will always try to log the author and name of the quote if possible.
But know, nothing posted within the picture on the blog is my own, only the writing that surrounds the quote.

   I will be digging deep, opening old wounds and trying to see the world with my rose colored glasses on once again. I will believe in love, passion and fate once again. Most of all I will cling to hope and drag my backpack of dreams out of the forest where I left it so long ago. Maybe I will go on an adventure with a wolf. Take a ride in a plane to some distant place. Blast off to Mars with a hot alien God. Who knows. But it will be interesting.

Blessed be to all who pass through her. May the light of the Highest shine down on you and bless you and yours.