Goodnight

The moon rode high and bright and it hurt her eyes to look at it.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
The night was cold and crisp as autumn should be.
Another year had passed and nothing.
Her heart broken open. Stitched back together only to be broken open again.
Tonight she needed to let go. Really just let the pain fly away on the breeze and allow the memories to drift to where they need to lie.

She looked back up at the bright moon and allowed the light to sting her eyes. Then she whispered the words out loud, to make it all real.

"Then I said goodnight and tucked you away inside a place called Nostalgia, where you'll always remain unspoiled, somewhere between my lungs that used to breathe ocean air, and my belly that fluttered with hope."

One tear slid down her cheek, then another and then more.
Her face wet with the tears of what could have been she stood and walked back into the house to close the door on her pain.

Help Me Unlearn

Of course there was no answer.
Though there was a part of her that hoped that he would respond to her lighthearted message.
A glance to her phone laying silent on the passenger seat of her car made her heart clench painfully.

"Foolish girl." she said aloud in the dark car while she sat in the parking lot.

Anger rose in her and without thinking she snatched up the phone, stabbed his number in and listened to the rings.
Oh he would not answer but she would leave him a peace of her mind.
That was for sure.
She did not think that he should ignore her forever. They had such a deep friendship and now that a little feeling came into the picture he ran away.
Jerk.

Her anger melted away as she listened to his voice on the other end.

"I'm sorry. I know I have been silent. I know I have been away but I just can't." he said softly.

Her voice could not come forth, only the tears streamed down her cheeks. Then his voice came again, and the pain increased.

"I see you sitting there in the car. I know where you go to think. All I know is that you want me to be with you when I can't do what you wish me to."

Her gaze snapped to look out her windshield and she saw him standing in front of his truck with the phone to his ear. Her soul shattered because she knew this man loved her. Adored her. Wanted to be with her but the way she lived her life prevented him from this.
She knew the texture of his skin. What made him laugh. How to calm him from fears and how to make his demons be quiet. He knew how to touch her pain away. To make her feel loved and beautiful. To verbally spar with her to a point they both ended up laughing.
How would she ever unlearn the lessons of him.

"Help me.." she said, voice cracking, "Help me unlearn what I've learned, unravel what shouldn't stay tied and walk away, even when it will never feel comfortable, gentle or right."

Blurry eyes watched him go very still. She heard him hang up as she watched him do it.
Her heart thumped painfully against her ribs as she thought this was it.
It was well and truly over.
But it wasn't.
He walked across the parking lot towards her car and she scrambled to get out, to meet him, to meet whatever fate would come.

He stood there staring down into her eyes and one hand lifted to brush the tears that rolled down her cheeks. His eyes were filled with anguish and love.
A tiny spark of hope flared.
What would happen now?

One Kiss

Fall had come to the mountains.
Leaves were turning to their fiery colors and the breeze was cool.
Her gaze stayed on the tree outside the building where she waited. Its golden and red leaves fluttering down to the street reminded her how time never stopped.

She turned to see him arrive. The car slipped past her to park beside hers and she felt her heartbeat speed up.
It had been so long since she had seen him.
She had to admit she was shocked she was standing here at this place again with him again.
But as they say, real connections never die.

They embraced. Talked. Things were like they had always been, Comfortable. Happy.

The gloom in her soul began to creep up as the time began to wane. She knew he would leave. He would promise to call and time would pass before he did. Lots of time would pass. Her heart would sink. She would worry. She would cry.

It was time to act. It was time to say what was on her mind and not allow this distance to keep them apart any longer.

"We stay apart for so long. Such deep silences. Such sadness. I always wonder what is on your mind. Why you stay so far away from me for so long and when we come together like this it is as if we haven't even been apart." She spoke softly staring into his dark eyes. She was close. So close she could feel the heat radiating off his body.
The desire to touch him was overwhelming. She wanted to be in his arms. When he held her close the world went away. Everything went quiet and the comfort was deep.
She lifted one hand to place it on his chest over his heart.
It was beating faster than normal. Just like hers.

He still said nothing. And so she thought, this is how it will always be. His thoughts in his own mind and never in her ears.

In that moment of her pondering she felt his hands settle to her shoulders and her eyes snapped back to stare into his.
Tingling awareness raced over her skin and in that moment she knew things were about to change.
Change completely.

He tugged her against his body and his lips took hers in a deep kiss.
The world quieted and the warmth within her body grew to an inferno. She felt hot all the way to her core.
Her arms circled him and her form pressed to his body.
The kiss deepened.
His tongue sliding through her mouth. She could feel how aroused he was. She could feel his heart slamming in his chest against her own fluttering heart.

He broke the kiss, looked into her eyes and whispered.

"In one kiss, you'll know all I haven't said."

In that softly spoken statement he was correct and she made a statement of her own while she pressed her lips to his again.