As she pulled into the parking spot she glanced around to see if he had arrived.
No sign of him, so she turned off the motor and sat staring across the parking lot.
He seemed pretty happy to go out again and that did bring her spirits up but the doubt within her was smothering her joy.
She wished she could just focus on what was present in the moment now and not want more.
There were so many things she wanted; his kiss, his touch, the late night texts that showed that he cared deeply for her, and more than anything the laughter they shared to be free anywhere at anytime.
But so much stood in the way of this dream and it broke her heart to think he would not even consider the options. Relationships like she had did work out with a lot of communication and caring.
She knew that he had probably never even heard of this sort of thing or he had and this was against his ways.
Then there was the simple fact she really had no clue what he thought of her.
It could be as simple as he saw her only as a friend, not as a girl he would want to be with physically. Maybe she was too chunky, too old, too something that he could not get past.
A spear of fear stabbed through her stomach at that thought. That it could really be as simple as that. No attraction.
"Goddess, I need to stop this shit." She muttered and then she sat up straighter as he heard his bike coming down the road.
He pulled into a stall next to her car and her heart just simply flipped over in her chest at the sight of him.
Damn, he was so sexy. Goddess, I am so lost in him. she thought sadly.
A soft sigh escaped her then she mentally slapped herself to get the happy on cause that is what he deserved. A happy friend to greet him not some petulant child who is having a tantrum over not getting her way.
They enjoyed their drinks and chatter. They always did. Their conversation flowed so easily as it had the first day they had met.
Those blue eyes of his struck a chord deep within and she was drawn to him as helpless as a moth to a flame.
He had to think of her in some pleasant way as he did go out of his way to be with her.
If she was upset, he did care and tried to make her smile again.
But then, these are just the actions of a friend. Simply a friend doing what a friend does.
To ask her out on a date. That is an act of a potential lover.
To sit close to her. That is a showing of interest.
To touch her face and stare into her eyes. That is the pathway to intimacy.
They did not have that. She wished for it. Good hell she did.
As they reached their vehicles he paused and said, "Hey, something is on your mind and I was hoping you would have mentioned it inside but you didn't. What's up?"
Her heart almost flew out of her chest and she felt the fear rise in her once again.
Damn this man had her number. He always knew when she was upset or something was on her mind that was a big deal.
If she said what was on her mind she could lose him as her friend.
He could see this as an awkward thing and step back.
Good hell. What to do.
She looked into his eyes and saw a worried frown touching his brow.
Something inside her snapped in this moment. She was tired of worrying about how everyone else felt. How she had to tiptoe around people to make them comfortable.
She could say things. She could talk. She could tell him how she felt.
Damn it, she would, even if her voice shook.
"Actually I do have something to say. I have been afraid to say this because I don't want our friendship to be affected. But I need to get this off my chest. So please, don't pull away once you hear me out. Please, talk to me. Tell me your thoughts. Ok?" She said and her voice did shake.
"Of course. Never worry about talking to me. Never. I will always hear you.I'm not going anywhere." He said, that concerned furrow still there on his brow.
She nodded and tried to keep calm but her heart was fluttering wildly so she just began to speak with a trembling voice.
"I don't know where I stand with you and I don't know what I mean to you. All I know is every time I think of you, I want to be with you. "
She took a breath, her eyes still on him, but he had not moved. He said nothing.
Good hell and then the anger slipped into her soul and the fear receded.
It was all or nothing now.
"I know we are friends. I know I mean something to you or you wouldn't be here. But damn, there are times when I wish we talked more outside of weekdays. I wish I was on your mind on a Saturday afternoon when you are working on the bike. I feel like a weekday thing that has been categorized because of my situation. I feel like you are sending me a message that you are not interested any further than what we have now."
Another deep breath and she said the words she had been holding in for so long.
"I fell for you months ago and I wish to be with you in some fashion. Show you that you are loved, you are worth the effort and not just an acquired taste. That you are a wonderful, intelligent and sexy man that I love. I know the situation is different but damn it can work. well, that is if you even feel that way for me and you may not cause I may not be your cup of tea."
She shut her mouth as she realized she was starting to sound slightly unhinged and hysterical.
There went the bravado, she thought.
The silence hung for a few moments and she closed her eyes feeling weak. Her heart was pounding so hard in her body she could hardly hear anything past the sound of her own fear.
"Little one, look at me." he said softly.
She jumped a little as his fingertips touched her cheek and her eyes flew open to see his concerned blues staring down into her green eyes.
Oh dear, what would he say now?
To be continued......
