How Can I Move On?

   He growled as he saw her walking to her car. Damn it. He wished she would just disappear. He fumed as he stomped to his car through the parking lot. He hated seeing her. Hated to even know she was around. Hated the fact that she would look at him with those gorgeous green eyes and melt the ice he put around his heart. Hated that he walked away. Hated that he could not give her what she needed from him.
His gaze strayed to her as she put her things in her car, saw her dark hair blowing in the cool wind and he wanted to wrap her in his arms.

"Fuck" he said aloud. "I'm done. Fucking done." he slammed his door and stalked to where she was getting into her car.

"Wait." he yelled as he stalked up to her. His heart wrenched when her beautiful eyes met his and the worry that filled them. She just stood there staring at him not saying a word, not smiling and seeming afraid of him.
And that ignited his rage.

"I am sick of seeing you around you know that? I wish you would just move the hell on. Stop wishing for something that will never happen. Get over it." he ground out angrily.
He waited for her to yell back, to tell him to go fuck himself but instead she did something that tore his soul open.

"But how can I move on when your fingerprints are still on my heart and your voice still resonates down to my toes and your smile lives in my eyes and every time my mind wanders it goes directly to you." she said softly as one tear slid down her cheek.

He stood there stunned into silence at her honest but sweet words. The ice around his heart shattered and he groaned softly feeling tears fill his eyes as well.
What could he do with this little slip of a woman who had stolen his heart and soul. How could he battle against the feelings he had for someone he could not have.
He stepped closer and with one finger brushed away the one lone tear that streaked down her face.

"But..." she said softly once again breaking the silence. "I am gone as of today. You will not have to see me ever again unless you chose to do so. Maybe someday you will choose me. Someday."
Her hand lifted, touched his cheek as she smiled at him sadly and she slipped into her car to drive away.

He stood there alone watching her leave.
His soul just left him and now what did he have?
Only what he reaped.

Build Up

I love the build up.
When touching turns into grabbing.
Soft lips, into passionate tongues.
And your heartbeat getting faster,
and faster.

That build up is overwhelming.
The first tentative touch of a fingertip along a cheek.
Eyes that gaze deeply, trying to unlock the secrets of your soul.
Sometimes that first touch of lips to lips is gentle.
Other times that kiss is a collision of desire.

The taste of desire thrills through your body.
Hands sliding under clothing to feel hot skin.
The kiss goes on with tongues dueling for possession.
Bodies meld together, trying to get closer and closer.

Throw those clothes aside to feel the heat of skin against skin.
Hearts are beating now with the need to possess.
We want one another. The world does not exist.
Only we shine in our own universe of passion and love.

Kiss me darling and let's experience the build up.

One Day

   He could see she was sad and it broke his heart. He could never tell her how he felt about her. He would not survive the onslaught. This woman sent his whole being into a whirlwind of desire, love and protectiveness and this was something he could not handle. She could not be his in the way he needed her but goddamn it, these assholes who hurt her. Damn he wanted to smash his fist into their smug faces.
He sighed, dragged a hand through his hair and knew he needed to lift her spirits. He loved her but he also was her friend and so he knew what she loved. Words.
He dragged a paper towards him, glancing up to where she had disappeared into the bathroom and he began to write.

I hope one day you give you heart to someone and they will hold it tight as if it's their own.
I hope one day you wake up and have something or someone to live for.
I hope one day you can go to bed without a worry in the world.
I hope one day the battle is over and you've won.
I hope one day you meet someone who makes you realize how beautiful you truly are.

He quickly folded the paper, tucked it into her purse and smiled leaning back in the booth.
She would read it tonight when she needed it the most. He had not been the best friend to her in the world, he knew he caused her pain as well but she was always there for him and so he needed to be there for her.
His gaze lifted to see her walking back to the table.
So beautiful. So kind. So sweet.
He was an idiot.

Gasoline and the Match

   Finally the work day was over and it was Friday so there was a spring to her step as she made her way through the parking garage to her car. She made a good move in coming here and she felt as if she were finally calming down, getting her emotions under control and feeling as if she could move on without a constant reminder.
Coming up to her car she paused to see a purple envelope tucked in the driver side window. Standing there frozen she was afraid to touch it. A deep seated hope filled her that it was from him and then on the other hand fear thrilled through her. A part of her scoffed,that rational part of her, the cynic. This little voice told her that he had no clue where she parked in this big lot and that he would not go out of his way for her. He never had, he never would. She needed to get her feet on the ground, stop fantasizing about this and move the hell on. She was a foolish girl with grandiose dreams and she almost always got her heart broken.

  A soft sigh escaped her and she grabbed the envelope from the door, ripped it open and read the words written neatly within.

What a shame to convince these flames they are only sparks;
what a misfortune to say this fire is a flame.
You, have always been gasoline, stop pretending I haven't always
been the match.

Her heart pounded so hard she could feel it down to her toes. The note went on to say they needed to strike the match and light the fire once again but this time they would pour all the gasoline they had on it.
He signed his name and his number.

Standing in the parking garage, cars driving by, tears rolled down her cheeks and she just did not know what to do.
Her heart danced with joy while her mind screamed not to trust this.
It was so hard to go back. To not know if things would be different. Would she matter? Would she be a part of his life? My hell, would she even be treated as an equal, spoken to and not ignored.

"I did not want you to cry." a soft male voice said from behind her.

Every nerve within her stood at attention at that unmistakable voice. She could not breathe, fear and excitement washed through her as she turned slowly to see him standing there.
Concern on his face he stepped closer, lifting one hand to wipe away a tear that strayed down her cheek.
She could not look away from his dark eyes. She felt as if she were caught in a beam of light that held her in place. Too fearful to run. Too in love to even move in fear she would scare him off.
Then something within her steeled and her inner voice screamed; take what you want. He wants to be the match, then light him up. What is the worst that could happen? He would leave. he had been gone already anyway so take it girl, take him.

Without a word she let the purple paper flutter to the ground while her hands lifted to press to his cheeks, her green gaze pinned to his dark one. She saw his eyes widen for a moment then shift to desire as he realized what she was going to do.
Her lips claimed his in a kiss that was fueled by desire, love and desperation.

In that moment they knew they were not merely a flame, they were an inferno.

I Can't Explain

   Slamming the car door she stood and inhaled the cool night air. She felt empty and wished just the air could fill up those spaces but they were just not enough. It had been so long since she had talked to him and it was starting to wear on her. A glance up to the sky gave her no relief, there were no stars to see in the nighttime sky of such a big city. She wished she could wish on a star to have her lover back.
Their last week together was a nightmare and she did not want to experience that ever again. She did not know where everything fell apart but it did.
Her heart twisted in her chest and she caved in to her desire to say something.
Phone in hand she sent a simple text to him that said, Hi..
Heart hammering she stood there holding the silent phone for a moment hoping he would text her right back.
She imagined him sitting in his chair by the window, heart twisted in knots like hers and sending her back a text within seconds.
But that did not happen.
Her hand lowered with the pain and her gaze went upward to the light polluted sky, one tear slid down her cheek.
Her phone buzzed in her hand.
It took him a minute, not seconds, to get back to her.
His reply took her breath away and she read it a second time aloud to the night.

"lets not do this anymore pretending that we don't miss each other like crazy and acting like we don't love each other, this past month has been the worst with out you and I can't explain how much I miss you."
Now the tears streamed down her face, but these tears had rainbows of happiness in them.

The next text she sent simply said, I love you.

"I love you too." a male voice said from the darkness near her front door. Her gaze lifted to see him walking slowly towards her.

She smiled, her heart filling with joy and she met him halfway. Her green gaze pinned to his dark eyes, those eyes she loved so much. She lifted one hand to slide over his jaw, the stubble feeling wonderful against her skin.

"No more separation. Fuck what everyone thinks. This is about you and I." she said softly.
"I agree. No more separation. I am here and I am yours for the world to see." he said and with his last word he sank to his knees, his arms wrapping around her waist and he laid his head against her stomach.
Her hands slid over his hair, his back and they held one another in the darkness of the big city.

Daring that city with it's bright lights, condemnations, and judgements to tear them apart.
It would not happen again. They both vowed it in their hearts.

A Kiss is Just a Kiss

The paper was on his desk glaring at him with those words that seared to his soul. The blue ink stood out against the white, so plain to see and so was his agony.
He did not move, he just stared down at the paper feeling his heart pound.
Every cell within him wanted to run outside, catch her in his arms before she left for good but he did not move.
Inside his heart screamed; what are you doing!?
Inside his mind screamed back: saving my life!

The words burned onto his heart for eternity.
The memory was always there; the feel of her lips against his. Her eyes were bright with desire and his body trembled with barely contained need.
They lost themselves in one another. Drunk on each other. Not caring about tomorrow. Enjoying the moments as they came. Confident that there would be a tomorrow.

A kiss is just a kiss
until it is with someone
you will truly miss

"I do miss you little one. I'm sorry...so sorry I could not be the your shoulder." he whispered as he scooped up the paper and crumbled it in his hand.

Silently Drawn

She took a deep inhale of the clean air and looked out over the valley below. The sun was setting and the red rocks around her shone like they were on fire. The hike to this place was always tough but it was worth the effort. She felt as if she were on top of the world. There were times when she needed to be in this place of majestic beauty to remind her that there were good things in the world.
Clean air. Beauty of nature that took one's breath away. The feel of the rocks under her boots as she made her way upward to touch the sky.

Here is where she pulled in the natural energies of the earth to recharge. Where her mind would clear and she could gain a positive perspective once again.
She loved these places where nature was unspoiled.
They reminded her that the world will continue onward no matter what happened to her in the everyday world. She could rely on nature to bring her back to herself. She could take in the wildness of the world and say, yes I am a part of it.
She stood, dusted the red dirt from her pants and took another deep inhale of the crisp evening air. Night was falling and soon the stars that one only saw in this unpolluted place would send their light shining down.
Now that she had her perspective back into place she could see all of the things she had facing her these days much clearer.
Backwards was not a way to look but she would tuck away some of those good memories and not so good ones in the file cabinet of her mind.
It is interesting when one lets go, truly just lets go of all expectation and begins to see all things with bright possibility change begins to happen.
The future looks interesting for sure.

She smiled as she took in the scenery before her one more time.
Life was always like this scene right here; lovely, exciting and grand.
One just had to see it.

She hefted her pack on her shoulder and turned to head down the steep mountain trail to find her next adventure.