She Knows

   The cold bite of the wind against her face did not make her walk any faster across the parking lot. Her heart was heavy and light at the same time. She was moving on to a new place, time to start over and put the past behind her once and for all. She smiled at everyone as she left, bubbling over with excitement at the opportunity that was coming but at the same time the sadness lurked.
She felt everything and nothing all at once. Sometimes only the smallest memory or word would shift her into a darkness that seemed to paralyze her.

   Her gaze settled to the truck as it was parked a few spaces down from her car. Her steps slowed and there was the trigger. How could she even care about him after all this time? Not a word had been spoken between them in over a year. It was quite sad but she understood why and she hated it with everything she had inside her. It was silly and she was told she was a foolish, dreamer of a girl so she needed to keep her secret. She knew he did not have a clue that she was hopelessly in love with him and that was ok. It was something she kept within and took with her now as she left.
Left him to his choice.

  She knows he is not hers to have, yet she is still in love with him and the thing that makes her cry at night is the fact that she couldn't help falling for him and if she could she would forget about him but she knows that isn't possible.

    She reached her car, tossed her items inside and slid into the driver seat. Time was supposed to heal but what no one tells you is that the scar left behind from that healing can be more painful than the original wound.

    Her eyes closed she focused on the good that came of it all. She found her groove again with that man. The magic twinkle in his eyes, the desire that crashed them both down to their knees and the taste of wine on his lips were the things she would cherish. She wished him happiness above all else because while she wished he was hers she wanted him to be madly in love. To have those twinkling eyes and crooked smiles for the one that held his heart in thrall and if that was not her, then she wanted him in the arms of the one who could do that for him.

Those thoughts strung together in her mind and of course while a new wound appeared on her heart she ignored the pain, put herself aside for she did not matter at all to him. He made his choice and she could only silently step back and fade away.
It was time to let go of the desire. Let go of the day dreams. Get past that she was not chosen.

Lifting her chin she opened her eyes and started the car with a sigh.

As she drove past that memory she whispered, "I will always love you. Be well my love. Be happy."

She drove out of the lot for the last time and allowed the final tear to roll down her cheek.