She was Fierce

He shook his head and laughed out loud at the text.
That woman had his heart in her hand and she knew how to take him from a bad mood to a good one in just one sentence.
His day had been rough, so much going on, so much on his mind but his little one always made him smile.
His world changed with her around
He found himself on more than one adventure. Going places he would never have gone. Doing things he thought he never would do.
He regretted none of it for when he was with her all was right in his world.

She was fierce, she was strong, she wasn't simple, she was crazy and sometimes she barely slept.
She always had something to say, she had flaws and that was ok.
And when she was down she got right back up.
She was a beast in her own way but one idea described her best.
She was unstoppable and she took anything she wanted with a smile.

And that smile was what caught him.
Those green eyes saw into his soul. Knew what he needed and she gave him love like he had never known.
Finally he felt at peace in his heart and soul.
He had come home.

I'm Afraid

Damn him. She thought as she logged off and began to gather her things to go home.
This is not what it should be like.
They were close. They needed to stay close. They lifted one another all the time.
They were connected in ways they both did not understand but they did need each other.
So why the distance. Why?

The tears threatened and she growled at herself. Stop it. No tears. Not here.

A day went by and he did not say a word.
Her heart began to crumble inward.
What happened?
The tears did dot her lashes and streaked her face.

She ached for him. The ache went down to her soul and she knew he felt it too.

Finally she gave in. Her heart twisted, her stomach flipped at the fear she felt.
The fear that he has gone away forever.

She texted to him.
I'm afraid we'll be one of the ones who miss each other their entire life.
Let's not do this. Please.

Nothing came back. She closed her eyes and fell asleep on top of the blankets.
Then he phone buzzed at midnight.
The text said.
Then let's not do that. I am coming over now.

Her heart hammered in her chest as she waited.
When he pulled up she ran to him.
She did not care that she had never been in his arms.
She did not care who saw her fling herself into his embrace.
All she knew is that he caught her up in his arms and hugged her tightly.
She heard him mutter softly against her hair, never leaving you little one.
Her gaze lifted to meet his and she said, "Truth?"
He nodded. "Truth."
"Ah...thank the Goddess." She breathed then cupped his cheeks in her hands to pull him down for their first of many kisses.

Won't Break you

"Fuck." he muttered as the screw stripped completely. He threw the socket wrench down and stepped back one hand running over his face in frustration.
He could not concentrate. Thoughts flew all over in a conflicting jumble.
The one consistent thought in his head was her.
Everything he thought about circled back to that gorgeous little thing that he wanted so badly.
He wanted to show her the stupid screw that stripped. Hear her ideas of getting it out and then her tirade of how rude the screw was to do that to him.
He grinned and sipped his drink. That girl could make him laugh at his darkest time.
He laughed and thought about their ongoing cartoon discussion on what cartoon was better than the other. God she was amazing

"Hey what's so funny?"

He looked up to see his friend walk into the garage.
"Nothing...just fucked up a screw." he sighed and then stood up.

"Nah, You are thinking about her again aren't you?" his friend said as he came and sat on another stool nearby.

He nodded and sat back down, pulling his hat off his head and running a hand through his hair.
"I can't stop thinking about her. I think about what could be and then what can't be. It sucks. But the thought of her not being in my life is something I am not sure I can handle."

"You want to be happy?" his friend said watching him closely.

"Yeah sure but hell the situation is just one disaster waiting to happen. This won't last and with all the crazy factors involved......" he trailed off and sighed feeling the pain wash over him.
"I don't want to be hurt again. I've been through that shit and this one feels like it could break me completely if something happened."

His friend stood and laid a hand on his shoulder and then said quietly.

"She won't break you like those other girls will. That's exactly why you're terrified of her. She could make you happy. And you know being happy is the most terrifying thing in the universe. Once you're happy it can be taken from you."

He looked at him, hearing the words and letting them sink in. He continued.

"But look at you now. You are not happy. You want to run and sink yourself into work again to not think, to not live. Sometimes you have to just take a chance. If it all goes sideways you will know you tried. But what if it works out? I know its different, this situation but dude what if it works out?"

He felt something inside him come to life at those words.
Truth.

Maybe It Won't Work Out But.....

She stared at the computer screen and sighed.  The post about not being able to sleep was posted and she felt like he would see that and know she was thinking of him. She wished that. She prayed for that.
No sleep was claiming her tonight. Scenarios and happy endings spun within her mind.
They would sit on the porch as the sun came up over the mountains, drinking coffee and enjoying one another's company. They would roast hot dogs over a fire on the beach laughing at whatever crazy antics they had during the day.
She knew it was a dream but hell, why not dream. She was a dreamer.
Why couldn't she have him? Why not?
Cause she was complicated. That was truth.
Maybe he did not like her that way.
A cold chill raced through her soul at that thought and her mind swept her into the dark places she did not like to be.

Her phone buzzed and her heart went to slamming in her chest.
He had texted her.

'You up?' it read

She snatched up her phone and texted back. 'yes'

'I thought so' he said then another text came through. ' Can I call?"

Oh my. Her fingers fumbled out the yes and within a moment he was calling.

"Hi." she said softly as she pressed the phone to her ear.

"Hi. How you doing?" he said and his voice sent shivers of desire through her small form.
Goddess she was lost. This man had her so twisted with desire and longing she did not know what to do with herself. She felt like a silly untried girl with her first love.
What a fool she was.

"I'm good. Just laying here. I want to sleep but damn it's not happening."

"Same here." he said then a sigh was heard.
"Hey.....I want to ask you something."

"Sure. Ask away." She said with a tremor in her voice. Anytime he said things to her out of the blue it scared her. Maybe he was going to move now. Maybe he had a secret girlfriend he did not tell her about and now he was. Maybe he loved her too?

"Do you think of me when you are laying there not able to sleep?" his voice was very soft but she could hear the worry in his voice as he asked.
Her heart had not stopped it's frantic pounding and now it sped up even more. Her breath caught and she wanted to freak out say something flippant but instead she said.

"Yes. Every night when I go to sleep you are on my mind. Every morning when I wake up I think about you and how you are doing."

His breath let out slowly on the other end of the phone.

"Ditto, Little One. Ditto." he said then laughed. "I am lost on you and I have no clue what to fucking do. I am not sure if I could even deal with the situation. But I know I am terrified to lose you. I am scared that we get into this......relationship and it wont work out."

Her heart was soaring cause now she knew he cared. Now she knew her intuition was correct and he thought about her too in the dark of the night.

"Maybe it wont work out.But maybe seeing if it does will be the best adventure ever." She said and smiled at the phone.

He laughed softly. "True. You always know what to say don't you my little one?"

"Yeah. I guess I do." she sighed. "It's worth a try though. We don't want to get to the end of our lives and look back thinking - we should have taken the chance."

"Can I come over now?"

Her heart about flew from her chest at the words he just spoke.

"Yes. Please. Yes." she stammered breathlessly.

"I will be right over love."

She hung up the phone and stared at the quote
Their adventure was beginning!

Trying to Understand

It seemed that the more one dreamed of what they wanted the further way that desire inched.
There was a saying that went; if one has no expectations then you will experience no disappointment.
While that saying may save you from heartache how do you participate in life when you just allow things to happen to you instead of going out and making life happen for you?

She sighed and looked up from the notebook where she had written her thoughts.
Coffee sat before her steaming and the noise of the coffee shop came back to her ears.
She had talked to him earlier that day and every time they were around one another they laughed and had such a good time. He soothed her soul. She soothed his. They could take one another out of a bad mood. She pushed him to adventure. He pushed her to slow down.
They were good together
They were just friends.
That part made her heart ache. She wished she knew how he felt but there was no way she could ask him. She feared the answer and decided the fantasy in her head was easier to bear.
But then there was a shift in the way they were with one another. He stopped seeing her after work. He stopped talking personal. He pulled away in a sense and her heart broke.
She pushed. He  fought back. They snapped at one another.
They were on the same wavelength and as they dipped high and low they felt it from each other and within themselves
Then one day she lost her will to fight anymore.
She just loved him. Allowed him to be who he was and love or like her the way he needed to. She knew she was everything complicated and he was not the type of man to readily step into the world she lived in.
Then his view shifted. He wanted to see her again. They talked more. He seemed to be warm and loving once again. She felt that he was reaching some precipice.
But there still was the uncertiany. She had no idea what to do. How to calm the nerves that flitted around in her soul.. He would eventually meet someone, fall in love and then leave.
Should she back off now and save herself?
Should she just stay and ride it out?

Her gaze flicked to a wall in the coffee shop. It was covered in many pieces of paper. It was a release board. A place for people to post their thoughts the old fashioned way. Pen to paper.

She tore off a paper from her journal and began to write what she felt in her heart:

I'm trying to understand this new dynamic between us.
It's not as simple as ' you either want me or you don't'.
I know that.
I hate that.
Keeping you in my life might kill me.
But letting you go will.

She gathered her things and walked to the board. At eye level there was a nice open spot and she pinned the page to the board. She read the words one more time and left the shop.

He stepped out from the hallway that lead to the bookstore and watched her leave.
He saw her put the paper to the wall and he burned to know what she had placed there.
He felt like a stalker but he had to see her. He had to figure out what the hell to do.
The feelings that rushed through him for this woman had him confused. She was so different than anyone else he had ever been with.
The thought of her not being in his life made it hard to breathe. The suffocating feeling was something he did not want to experience again. That one week where he did not talk to her was torture. He was a dumb ass for sure.
He reached the board and read her words.
So many feelings washed over him at once at her words.

"I want you little one. So much. But how in the hell do I navigate all of this. " he said softly and turned to the door where she had left through.

Fuck. what do I do.

Come Over

She hated being alone. The world felt like it was pressing down on her and pushing the air from her lungs where she could not breathe.
Her thoughts were her company these days and more often than not they were dark and disturbing.
She picked up her phone and began to text him then deleted it and threw the phone on the bed.

Fuck that. He would ignore her. He would act like he did not see the till later.
Fuck him.

Staring out the window she watched the stars above and she felt the loneliness wash over her soul.

Her phone buzzed. A glance to it and she froze. He texted her? What the hell.
She picked it up and the text said...what are you doing?

She decided it was time to be bold. She needed this man more than she thought and she knew he was connected to her in a way that was amazing. They were on each others wave length. She needed him and he needed her.

Fuck this

She texted him, with heart pounding

Come over, I don't really mind whether we talk for hours get blind drunk, or sit in silence and look up at the stars. Sometimes, the world down here just gets a bit much, and I need to lose myself in someone's company for a little while.

Pressing send she felt her heart hammering in her chest.
What if he did not respond. What if he ignored her completely and never said anything about that.
God she was a fool. Minutes have gone by....her phone buzzed.

I am coming over now. I have wine. Let's drink, talk, be silent under the stars. - is what his text said and her smile could have lit up the world.

Even From Far Away

Sitting on the bench her gaze lifted upward to see the sky was painted in twilight.
The tall buildings were no longer reflecting the sun as it had finally slipped behind the mountains to rest for another night.
A soft sigh escaped her lips as her gaze drifted to the park spread before her.
This patch of green amidst the concrete and glass was an oasis for many trapped here for the week of work.
Her gaze was drawn to a couple that sat on a bench across the expanse of grass from her.
These people were sitting close and laughing at something they said.
Her heart twisted painfully.
She sat here alone wishing the one she loved was here with her but he chose to keep himself away.
Her love for him was one sided she was sure.
It made her heart ache to watch these people so in love.

Even from far away you could see it.
They were drunk.
But not from any type of beverage. They were drunk off each other.
The way they laughed. The way they kept sneaking glances even though both knew the other one was looking too.
The way they curled into each other with a nervousness hidden behind subtle excitement.
Even from far away you could see it.
They found each other utterly intoxicating.

A deep breath and she had to close her eyes. She needed to block out the two lovers.
She felt the loneliness was over her soul and she knew it was time to go.
Her eyes opened to see the couple walking away hand in hand.
Gaze locked to those hands entwined together she stood, watched them until they disappeared around the corner and she turned to walk away to nothing.