The Reason

Irritation rose in her and she almost growled out loud.
Good hell, she was done trying to get a conversation going anymore.
It seemed he had so much else on his mind. Always turned inward.
The conversations had dried up to the point where they might well start commenting on the weather and how worn the fucking carpet was in the hallway.

Fuck this.
She slammed her purse on the desk and rammed her things in.
Out she stormed thinking she was done and as she turned the corner still muttering curses she collided with a warm tall wall.

"What the fuck!"she cried out and stumbled back but strong hands caught her upper arms to steady her.

"Damn you almost took me off my feet. That would have been a great accomplishment little one."
Those gorgeous blue eyes gleamed with mischief down at her and she felt the anger rise up hot.
Those damn eyes. That amazing smile. All tormented her night after night Fuck this.
She pulled her arms from his grasp and stepped back.

"I wish I would have knocked you on your ass." she growled at him as she went to step past him.

"Whoa there. What the hell?" he turned to follow her. "What's wrong?"
His long strides caught up to her and he followed her to the car.

The anger shifted from white hot to just pain in her chest where she felt her heart breaking over and over again. Suddenly she just did not care what she said. Fuck him if he got offended. They were friends and friends should be able to talk openly.
Whirling around she pointed at him and with a shaky voice she said,

"What the hell is happening to us? You have checked out and it hurts. You might not see it as a big deal but I sure do. I want so much  more from you but I am respecting your fucking boundaries and I want to talk, want to drink want to just be around you. Is that so goddamned bad?"

He stood there mouth open and then he frowned. Fuck she thought, here comes the asshole she knows resides within him. She steeled himself for his barrage or dismissal.

"I did not mean to hurt you but damn woman, its hard. So fucking hard just to be your friend when I want...." he shook his head then sighed, "....more."

Frozen to the spot she just watched him with wide eyes. Did he really just say that? She took a step towards him.

"Yeah?" she asked softly, staring up into his worried eyes.

"Well yeah.....the situation is not...normal." he shook his head.

"I know...I know its not normal nor easy but damn we have something amazing here. I don't want to bash down barriers, I respect that, but I just want to be with you. I adore you. You make me laugh. I love seeing you smile. Hell, I want to be the reason why you fall asleep with your phone in your hand." All the words tumbled out and the tears filled her eyes.
Great Goddess, all she wanted was to be in his life, to be important.
One tear escaped down her cheek and he brushed it away with his thumb turning her face up to his.

"I have fallen asleep with my phone in my hand while I thought of telling you exactly how I feel." he leaned down and took her lips. The kiss took away any worries she had in her head that he did not care, she realized in that moment he cared just as much as she did.

Wonder

She sat staring out at the people walking briskly through the park.
The sun was out, the air was cold but she still sat.
All her life she felt alone, like no one ever really truly understood her.
Then he came into her life and all that changed.
She could not put her finger on what connected them but it was good and right.
As time went and they got to know one another she noticed the way he watched her.
He followed her movements, almost like he was drinking her into his memory for that day when they would go their separate ways.
She watched others fall into these wild romances where the souls could care less what road they traveled. As long as they were together they made it.
She never had that. She was more like a fixture. Someone who was just there cause it had always been that way.
To her right a bird settled on the wall beside her and it cocked its head at her.
A robin. She smiled sadly at the little bird and whispered.

"I wonder what it's like to have someone fall for you. And I mean really fall for you. Not just they want to get in your pants because they think you're attractive. But be consumed with every little piece of you The way you talk, the way you laugh, the way you just exist."

The robin stared at her a moment then flew off up into the trees.
A soft sigh escaped her and she turned her attention to the people in the park again.
She sat alone as usual.

Don't Forget Me

She stood watching everyone mill around, talking and drinking.
Her gaze followed him as he talked with those around him.
This was not something she thought would happen.
He was leaving.
The party was to celebrate his going away.
Away from here.
From her.

She tried not to notice his glances her way.
The room was getting too hot. Her heart pounded.
Another one bites the dust, she thought as she set her drink down and stood.
Everyone leaves.
Once outside she took a deep breath of the crisp air and let it out slowly.
Her heart was racing with fear and then slipping into aches of terrible sadness.
One thing she never wanted to do was hold him back.

Goddess, how could this even be an issue for her. She needed to get a grip.

"We won't forget each other, right?" she whispered to the night sky with one tear sliding down her cheek.

"Never." was the response whispered near her ear. She whirled around to see him there.
She ceased to breathe as she looked up into his blue eyes.
Without a thought she threw herself into his arms.
Her face pressed into his chest and she reveled when she felt his arms tighten around her.
His scent swirled in her head and she knew in this moment she did not want to let go. She could give a fuck what he thought now, she needed to memorize the feel of his body against hers and the way he smelled for this would be it. Nothing ever again.

Not Leaving Tonight

The holidays had arrived and the time for parties was upon everyone.
Cheer swirled around and she wanted to get into the swing of it all but damn it was hard.
She missed him. Great Goddess she ached for him.
It had been weeks since she had looked into his blue eyes. They were like a drug and she needed her fix.
It seemed that their time together was getting further and further apart.
While she did understand why this was happening it still did not make things any easier.
Of course the more time spent with someone the closer you become.
Remaining distant was a way to either show you were not interested in that way or to protect yourself from feelings that could deepen.
The hardest part of all of those thoughts was she did not know where she stood.
Was she in the position of friend due to not being the type he wanted or was she relegated to this friend zone due to the pull of desire
She wished she knew.
Then she did not want to know.
A soft sigh escaped and she turned away from the window to walk straight into a wall of warmth.

"Hmmph" she cried out then stepped back.
Strong hands caught her around her upper arms and the sensual, masculine laugh floated to her ears.

Her green eyes met blues and she got her fix in that moment.

There he was staring down into her eyes and a thrill of desire washed over her small form.
Goodness, he was so damn gorgeous.

"Sorry about that. Guess I better watch where I am going. Run you down." She laughed then realized he had not let her arms go.

He laughed then released her arms and stepped back.
"I would like to see you run me down little one." he grinned.

She shook her head and laughed at him.

"You going tonight?" he asked and his smile had slipped just a little bit.

"I did not want to go alone so I might skip it." she said and then looked away, her heart in her eyes and she could not allow him to see.

"Then let's go together."

"Really?"

"Unless you don't want to go with me?" He said in a soft voice.

Her heart thumped hard in her chest and she wondered if this would change anything.
With a tilt to her head she said, "Of course I would love to go with you. It's just we don't hang out anymore so.....well...." her words trailed off.

"I understand and I am sorry. I will explain tonight. So you just bring your stuff to the hotel and you can get ready there. Easier. Ok?" he smiled

"Alright. See you then" She said still feeling startled and more than intrigued.

The night flew by. They talked. Ate. Socialized.
Then they found themselves standing in the hotel room laughing over the drunk people they had seen at the party.

"That was great. Thanks for coming out." he said as he tossed his key to the table.
She settled onto the bed and then flopped backwards with a laugh.
"Good hell there were some crazy people tonight. They are going to have some awesome hangovers in the morning. I am glad we did not go that route."

He flopped down next to her and laughed.
"I agree. I don't need to get drunk with you. You make me feel that way no matter what."

She froze at his words and her head to turned to look at him.

"Yeah.....tell me more about that?"

He reached over and let his fingertips slide over her cheek and he sighed.
"I don't want to run from this anymore. I'm tired of fighting my desire for you. I want you. Tonight. Here and now. I can't promise how things will go from here but I will always adore you little one."

Her hearts desire was coming true and her heart was dancing in her chest

"Then let's stop the war raging inside you. Let's call a truce." she whispered as she stared into his eyes.

A sensual smile appeared on his handsome face and he leaned close.

Her lips brushed softy against his, he caressed her cheek, held her hair in his hands, sending shivers down her spine. They trembled for each other. Maybe this wasn't forever but this was a longing they could never forget and both of them knew they weren't leaving each other tonight.

Write to Me About Love

Her mind swirled with the words she wanted to say to him but she knew now was not the time.
A sigh slipped out between her lips as she turned to look out the window at the busy street before her.
She decided lunch down the street from the office was in order since she felt so cooped up.
Then there was the fact that he never wanted to go with her anymore. It seemed as there was a chasm separating them these days and it was filled with so many unanswered questions.
She knew she could just ask him point bank but what would that do their friendship?
A worried frown creased her brow as she looked down at her notebook on the table.
She had not written in a long time. All her words had dried up. She learned some harsh lessons and it taught her not to talk nor think too much. No one truly cared. No one wanted to hear her troubles when she had her own.
She was learning now though. Whatever things people did had nothing to do with her because their actions came from their own reality. She had to stop being so sensitive and worrying about what she could not control

Her mind tended to go to the dark places. She had to stop as she caused her own suffering.
So she remained silent.
Hell he wouldn't tell her anyway. He would just clam up and ignore the question like he had been doing lately with the simplest things.

A spear of fear lanced through her heart as she wondered if he was pulling away slowly. Getting her to throw her hands up in frustration so he could just disappear form her life.
She took a deep breath to slow her rapidly beating heart . There it was, those bad thoughts.
Shaking her head she looked back to her notebook.
Her heart ached for this man but in such a different way than it had ever ached before.
He was so familiar to her. She felt safe with him. Protected. All she wanted to do was take care of him and be there for him. Give him all of her.
And great Goddess, those gorgeous eyes of his that melted her every time he looked at her. Oh save her soul when those blues sparked with mischief and his cute smile appeared.
She was lost. Completely, irrevocably lost to him and he did not even know.

The beating of her heart changed its rythymn to one of desire when she imagined his lips pressed to hers. The feel of his body against hers and his strong arms pulling her tight. The feeling of being claimed as his.
She wanted to explore every inch of his body. An adventure of discovery of finding out what part of him were ticklish or those parts that sent his body into spasms of need.
To hear his soft moans of pleasure. To know she was beautiful to him. To know she was special in his heart.
A shiver of need washed over her and she took a deep breath.
Words came to her and she set the pen to the page and began to write.

Use me like pen uses ink to write something

Beautiful. Original. Interminable.
Write until your heart is spilled completely on the page for me to examine.
Until there is no ink left to write with...

Write to me about love and tragedy and painfully gorgeous moments.

Hand in hand.
Flesh on flesh.
Mouth on mouth.
Love and Sin.

She laid her pen down and looked up to the window.
Her green eyes met blues.
Startled she looked at him with wide eyes.
He stood there eyes bright and a tentative smile on his face.
He nodded to the empty booth seat across from her with a questioning nod and she nodded back.
There went her heart, speeding up to a gallop. Goddess, how did he know she was here and why was he here.

He sat across from her and said softly, "I am not interrupting?" 

"No, Not at all." she stammered feeling a blush touch her cheeks as she slowly closed the book.
He placed his hand on it before she could close it.

"May I?" he asked pulling the book towards him.

"Sure...yeah..." Feeling breathless she watched him read the small passage she wrote.

He looked at her and nodded, "That is amazing.Like you are amazing. You make me want to write stories of castles and my slaying dragons. I want to pick up a sword and protect you and then in the next instant write poetry about how green your eyes are."

"I am amazing and.....wow....just...wow..." she blurted, startled. Was he actually complimenting her? Telling her what was on his mind? What was next? Her mind whirled. 

"I want to talk to you about something that has been on my mind. I know I have not been a good friend and I am ready to talk to you about why." he watched her carefully.

She nodded in response not wanting to break the spell of what was happening here.

"Ok then.." he cleared his throat and looked out the window.
"I have been fighting what I feel for you. Its not right. What all of this is isn't. It goes against what I have always believed. But I can't live with out you and I know if I keep this up I will lose you."
His gaze turned to meet hers and still she remained silent, just listening but her heart was doing back flips in her chest.
"I love you. I don't know how to make this work, or what to do now but I do love you."

The world within her soul opened and she felt the entirety of what she felt for this sweet man pour into her body all at once. Tears pricked her eyes and she reached across the table to take his hands in hers. Lifting one she pressed her lips to the palm of his right hand enjoying the feel of the callouses on his hands. One tear slipped down her cheek and she noted that he looked seconds away from panicking. 

"I love you too you stubborn thing. I have for sometime." she squeezes his hand in hers and then the air was sucked from her body when he presented her with the most beautiful smile she had ever seen.

"Thank God." he squeezed her hands in return and let out a sigh.

"Guess we need to talk more eh?" she laughed softly as he wiped away her tears of happiness with the fingertips of his free hand.

"We sure do." She laughed and shook her head marveling at how things can change in an instant.
How darkness gives way to the light. She was grateful for this man in her life. So grateful..