Unspoken Words

Sometimes the words we leave unspoken are the most important ones that should have been said.

That damn quote! It haunts me. Shows up to remind me what I should do.

How in the world can I say the words to you and come out the other side unscathed?
A deep fear is that my words will trigger you to completely run away from me in all ways.
You don't like feelings.
They are washing over you as they are crashing upon me.
And we laugh our way around them. Glance them away with indifference and jokes.
But at the end of the day when we are tucked in our respective beds, drifting off to sleep, we know what we desire.
To love....each other. Freely.

I am not a fool. I know you love me as I love you.
How do we get past the obstacles? I know of ways but you will not be open to them, which is understandable.
But damn it pisses me off. Why can't we just take a fucking chance?
It might not work out but oh my Goddess, what if it did?
Even for a short time we would have nirvana. Bliss. Heaven.
Realization that we are awesome together.

A soft snort of laughter at herself, hey chick are you taking a chance with those words you so desperately want to say?
No, so then back off.
Hypocrite.
I get it. I really do. Its the bane of my existence.
My ability to step into your shoes and realize the folly of it all.

You are leaving. Very soon.
I feel panic that we will part ways with nothing but a half side hug and a wave goodbye.
I can't do that. I just fucking can't!
I need your arms around me. Your face buried in my hair while my arms are tight around you. I press my cheek to your chest to hear your heart beating wildly.
Like mine is.
Yeah yeah, you don't do mushy but good hell, mushy leads to some really fun stuff damn it.

Please let's not do the slightly friendly goodbye.
Let's say goodbye with the fireworks we have in our souls for one another.
Let's burn it down with passion.
Let's be the bad asses we are.
And together, even one night, we can light the world up!