Closed my Eyes

(Quote above from: Rumi. I added the rest on)

 I closed my eyes and spoke to you
in a thousand, silent ways.

In that darkness I created my own light.
I danced with you as I desired.
Feeling your skin beneath my fingertips.
Knowing each place to touch that would make you shiver.
Smiling as the moan of pleasure broke the careful silence.

I create the moonlight that shone down on our forms.
In that moment we were one.
In that moment we were the way we were supposed to be.

Even if it was only in my silent dreams.

Dancing With Ghosts

Spring was coming once again with its rain, warm winds and delicate green things starting to show their faces to the sun.
She stood at the window of the office building looking out over the tops of the buildings below and then her gaze her lifted to the horizon.
Past the bustling city with the planes, cars and people all noisily going about their business there was an expanse of quiet. That is where her mind went when she looked to the west.
Memories assailed her and she was disappointed in herself for even still thinking of him.
When there was a connection between them it was easily ignored and walked away from. She did not know how he shut himself off but he was an expert at it.
Then to be touched once and shoved out the door was heart wrenching.
By all the nine hell's she did not want to have that reaction. She spent a ton of time going over her thoughts, feelings and actions to see what her problem was.
After that soul searching journey she knew it was what it was.
It was nothing to him now. That was obvious.
Isn't it a cruel joke to love someone who does not love you in return.
She snorted with amusement at her fanciful, romantic self.
She danced around the what if's all the time. She day dreamed of different times. Changed outcomes. what would happen now if they crossed paths.
She shook her head and pressed her forehead and realized she truly was lost, holding on only by a thin thread.
She never got to say those things that needed to be said and she regretted that.
She knew one thing for sure, down to her core, she was not alone.

There is a ghost here. A lonely, heartbroken spirit. The ghost of everything that could have been and never was.

She danced with the ghost of the past and the imaginary ghost of the future.
They teased and taunted her. Showed her what she had for a fleeting moment and what she will never have.

Tears streamed down her face and she ignored them. For those wet tracks were a badge of shame she wore for aching for something that will never be.
No matter how many day dreams she had.
No matter how many ghosts she danced with.

Do Things

"I feel like I fucked it all up. Maybe I was too passive in it all? I did not go after him like I normally would. But hell, I wanted him so bad my heart would leap out of my chest when I saw him and my tongue would tie itself into a bow tie." she sighed with sadness.
"I felt like an utter fool and I wanted so bad to say I'm sorry for not being who you thought I was. But I really am that wild gal that you desired. Damn, the silence hurt." her voice cracked on the last word and she hung her head.

"Hey....look at me." her friend said with a stern tone.

She looked up into his eyes and saw his concern. She sat up straight and smiled as he knelt before her, his eyes bright.

"Listen to me. Do the things you used to talk about doing but never did." his hand squeezed hers and he continued.
"Know when to let go and when to hold on tight. Stop rushing. Don't be intimidated to say it like it is. Stop apologizing all the time. Learn to say no so your yes has some oomph." His smile was gentle and she could not tear her eyes from his. She felt his words sinking into her little broken heart.
"Spend some time with friends who lift you up.." he winked "and cut loose the ones who bring you down. And stop giving your power away. Be more concerned with being interested than interesting. Be old enough to appreciate your freedom and young enough to enjoy it." he lifted her hand, kissed the back of it then said softly.
"Finally....know who you are." he turned her hand over and kissed the palm. His dark eyes filled with what she knew was love.

Her heart expanded and the love she felt for this person spilled forth.
Her other hand lifted to slide over his cheek and she whispered. "It's time for me to tell it like it is then...."

She leaned forward, seeing this beautiful man for the person he was showing at this moment, not the hidden playful creature that seemed to plague their time together most of the time.
Her lips pressed to his gently, she felt him stiffen but then after a moment his other hand snaked into her hair to cup the back of her neck, holding her to deep the kiss.
She thrilled when his tongue delved into hers, tasting her deep and the love she held for this soul in her arms spilled forth.
Breaking the kiss her green gaze stared into his dazed browns.

"I love you." she said breathlessly.

His smile was like the sun, bright, happy and utterly blinding.

"I love you too my little one. Always have. Always will."

Keep You Wild

"This is too dangerous. We need to go back." he said as they inched their way along the pathway. The drop off to one side lead to the river they could hear rushing next to them and he felt a shiver of fear race through him. What if she fell, he would not reach her in time. Fuck this girl was insane. Just to get her picture they had to inch their way along some ledge next to a river in the dark.

A soft laugh floated to him and he saw the flashlight beam illuminate the path before him. It opened up to a walkway with a handrail on the river side.

He grabbed at the railing and cursed softly.

"I heard that." she said from up ahead and laughed. "You are fine. We are fine. I have been on this path a thousand times."

He felt her hand take his and he looked into her eyes as the flashlight gave enough light to see her smiling face.
He loved her and would do anything to make her happy. It was that simple.
They were always out doing crazy things and he had to admit it was thrilling.
His arms slipped around her, dragging her small form against his and he felt the need to posses her here and now.
His lips crashed to hers and she molded her body to his with a moan of pleasure. This is what he craved every moment of everyday. This sweet taste and sound of her desire.

She broke the kiss smiling up at him. One fingertip slid along his temple, pushing one dark strand of his hair away.

"You keep me safe. I'll keep you wild. Deal?" she said softly with a grin on her face.

He squeezed her and whispered. "I will always keep you safe and loved. And you make me wild every moment of day my gorgeous little one."

"Good." she smiled and tugged him the rest of the way down the path. As they popped out onto the ledge he saw a valley of twinkling lights before him. It was awe inspiring to see such a sprawl of humanity while they stood on the top of the world in solitude.

"Just the view is worth it." she said while she set her camera up on a tripod.

"Being with you is worth it." he said, sliding a hand over her hip.

"You keep touching me and you may find yourself on your back on cold granite." she said with a laugh.

"Oh...well that sounds like a mission I must take." His words barely left his lips before his hands were sliding up under her shirt.
Her laugh echoed through out the night and he knew he was the luckiest man in the world.

Just Scars

The razor blade slid slowly across her skin. Not too deep. Just enough to see the crimson pearl upward and to feel the sting of pain. She bit her lip as another line of little red pearls appeared next to the first.
The pain washed over her like an aphrodisiac. This was what she wanted to feel. The pain of her failures. She deserved this for she was not like everyone else. She was an outcast. A loner.
A hiss of pain on the next cut into her skin. A little too deep and a shudder of fear washed through her as the thought came; what if I just cut all the way down. Let the blood flow until she just went to sleep in a pool of red regret.
She tossed the bloody blade into the sink and sat there, tears streaming down her face.
Loser.
Yeah she heard that today.
She heard it so much she believed them now. Why not.
Her fingers ran over the scars on her arm. Long sleeves tomorrow for sure. She had been asked more than once about the scars. She just said; just scars, that's all they were.
No big deal . But that was a lie. A big lie.
A tear slid down her cheek and with a spurt of anger she grabbed a black eyeliner pencil from her makeup bag on the counter and began to write on the mirror. When she was done she stepped back and admired her work.
Not bad.
She felt a little better when she snapped a picture of her words.Take that world. Fuck You.

They aren't just scars.
They are the demons I fought at 3am.
They are my insecurities, my deepest fears
and my lonely nights.
They are the insults I have received
and the emotions I cannot contain.
They are a part of me
and are what I have become.

Everyday Magic

"I don't think magic exists. I mean there are no such things as witches with magic streaming out of their fingers turning people to frogs."

She watched her friend across the table. Her cynicism sometimes got under her skin but then she had a right to her opinion. Her life was not a good one. It was filled with television alone on the couch while her dog sat by her side.
She did believe in magic. It tingled along her skin when something grand was happening and she wished she could share such a feeling with her down trodden friend.
Taking a sip  of her beer she thought of something and said softly.

"I do believe in an everyday sort of magic - the inexplicable connectedness we sometimes experience with places, people, works of art and the like; the eerie appropriateness of moments of synchronicity; the whispered voice, the hidden presence, when we think we're alone."

Her friend had become very still as she spoke. The words were like a spell, weaving it's everyday magic between them.

"You my friend, are a work of art. You are magic in human form. I guess I should believe in magic for you always have the right things to say to lift my mood. To make me see the bright side and smile. Thank you." she said as she placed her hand over hers on the table.

Smiling she shook her head. "I'm not magic but I know it's out there and I want to share it. Thank you."

Dancing Under the Moon

The cool breeze lifted a strand of hair to slide over cheek as she looked up at the sky. In the middle of the downtown landscape no stars could be seen, just darkness with a halo of light. But she knew the stars were up there and so was the moon and that was a little comforting.

So much had changed in the last few years with her life that it was hard to slow down and really look at it as a big picture. There were times where she still wished things were different but she had ceased pining and let the past go.

She sat out on a Friday night, alone, on the wide marble ledge of a planter where a tree was reaching up into the darkness. The night club before her was filled to capacity, people out on the patio and music filled the air along with laughter.She watched couples and groups stroll by, chattering and laughing as well as staring at their cell phones. One gal walked by and she could see she was posting on some site somewhere and it saddened her how disconnected we all were.
Sure, all these people were out being social but she could see the decline in social manners. Hell, she could see how people just did not know how to interact with each other anymore. So many blunt rude people as well as people who would just cut you off at a moments notice when the next pretty bauble came into view. She found many to be shallow and wanting only the quick fix they needed at the moment rather than those who wanted to hammer out a real connection with someone. Where both parties had a stake in what was going on.
Communication was done on little screens where you could say whatever you wanted because you did not have to look someone in the eye.
People were bold, mean and rude when they did not have to face someone down.
People did not like to be held accountable for who they hurt.
They danced around the truth and left carnage in their wake.
Then they wake up one day realizing the mistakes they made along the way.
But they were happy for a moment right?
She shook her head again and sighed.

"That's a pretty big sigh there." she heard a male voice say next to her and she turned to see a man sitting on the other side of the planter box smoking.

"Yeah well that's what happens when a girl thinks too much of the past." she said.

"The past should remain there." he said as he exhaled a puff of smoke.

"True. But at times it does creep up to tickle your mind with its broken promises."

He stood and walked to stand before her. He was a nice looking man; tall, leather jacket, jeans, boots, dark hair touching his shoulders and eyes that she could see twinkling in the lamplight. She wondered what color his eyes were, he was intriguing.

Another exhale and he said. "Lot's of promises are broken."

"Sure they are. Via text. Via instant message. Via email.Kind of a disconnected world we have these days."

His head tilted as he watched her for a moment. Interestingly, she was not uncomfortable with this and her eyes met his unflinchingly.

"I agree. Society is truly disconnected. People have forgotten how to just sit down and talk." he said and then he leaned over to crush his cigarette out in the nearby trashcan.

"I think people talk, but not about the important things. I think the talk is about what they saw on television or who they saw having drama on Facebook the night before. funny cat videos and webpages of nonsense fill their brains. No one sits down and talks about how they feel. what they want or don't want. It is a guessing game. I think people spend too much time staring into screens and not enough time drinking wine, tongue kissing and dancing under the moon." her voice had grown soft at the end of her speech because he had stepped closer, his gaze intense.

"I completely agree. Tongue kissing, tasting the wine on each other and dancing to a slow song under the moon is underrated." he held out his hand. "I'm Adam. Want to go have a conversation over a glass of wine and maybe we can go find the moon?"

A soft chuckle and she stood, placing her hand in his.
"I'm Sky. It's nice to meet you Adam. And I would love some wine, conversation and a good moon chase."

"Excellent." he said as he tucked her hand into the crook of his arm as they walked.

His eyes were blue she noticed as they walked into the club. She hoped there was some serious moon chasing.