Reason Lost

The wind whipped through the city and she stared outside the hotel room. Her heart shattered in a million pieces but even with the pain they glowed white hot like the lights of the city below.

She lost the battle.
She lost the war.
She did not even realize she was fighting for something until she realized what had happened.

Reason lost, the battle and all she could do was surrender and accept she was in love with him.

The man she had followed around on tour for so many years. Who she had saved from himself more than once. The person she considered her best friend.
The taste of him would forever remain on her tongue. The sound of his love in her ears would always haunt her. His gleaming eyes filled with mischief and love would stalk her forever. She would remain drunk on him and stumble around this planet knowing why he chose to take the other woman as his wife.

Foolish girl. Men like him do not fall in love and marry their assistants.
They fall in love with models and have gorgeous babies.

"Dear hell." she said aloud as she thought of the babies they would have.

She took a long drink of her vodka and sighed as she turned to the bags next to the door.

She was leaving tonight. Red eye back to the west coast. Back to a new life she needed to find.

Somewhere there was someone who would choose her.

Somewhere,

Don't Have to Say a Word

The wind howled outside the hotel room and he stood watching the glittering city below him.
The world went on below, the ebb and flow like it was every single night, but he was stuck in his misery.
Both of his hands slid into his hair and his forehead pressed to the cool glass. His eyes closed as the pain sliced through his heart.
He could not believe he walked away from the best thing ever to come into his life.
The choice he made was more for show, for excitement and of course love but the woman he chose did not see him as his little one did.

"God I fucked up." he said softly.

"Yeah, you did." a voice came to him from across the room.

He turned to see the guitarist from his band holding a six pack of beer. He held it up and waved him over.

"Dude, you need one or more of these."

He sighed and walked to his friend. Taking the beer he twisted the top off and drank down half of it instantly.

"What can you do now man? You not only lost her for yourself you lost her for us as well." his friend said as he sat down in the arm chair.

Sighing he dropped onto the couch and nodded.
"Yeah,I lost it all I think." He drank the rest of the beer and reached for a second one.

"What made you choose like you did?"

He said there silent a moment, his eyes staring blankly into space and then he shook his head

"Ego." he admitted and then let out a long sigh.

"I get that. I really do. But then what made the one who got away so special to you. I know what she was to the rest of us but to you, there was something more."

He took a drink of his beer and thought about it. So much made her so special. So damn much. He closed his eyes for a moment then started to speak.

"She understands me. She accepts me. I don't have to say a word. She just looks at me and sees who I am and how I feel and accepts it. She doesn't try to change it or wants to change it.That person. There's a billion people but I imagine there is only one of her. And I did not chose her." he felt the lump in his throat and the tears did fill his eyes.

"I did not choose that one in a billion. I am a fool." he whispered.

His friend nodded and they sat in silence before the glittering city wondering what came next.

You Will Stumble Upon

The lightning lights up the dark room and the thunder soon rolls through, shaking the windows of the house.
She lays there in the bed on her side, staring out the open window to watch the lethal bolts of energy crack the sky.
Her heart hurt. It was interesting to feel it hurt after such a long stretch of nothing.
She was a dead stick for a long time and even to feel this pain was something better than nothing.
The pictures she had stumbled across set her heart to pounding and then she was back in time.
Standing in the darkness wrapped in his strong arms while the beat away the spirits that plagued them. They knew in that moment their bond was unbreakable. She quieted his demons and he set hers free. That night was one of discovery and learning and there was more to be had but it was not meant to be.
The room lit up again with white light and she could remember the feel of his skin under her fingertips, the strength in his arms and the calm that surrounded them.

She remembered a quote she read, not remembering the author but it hit home. Hard home run.

One day whether you are 14, 28 or 65 you will stumble upon someone who will start a fire in you that cannot die. However, the saddest most awful truth you will ever come to find is that they are not always with whom we spend our lives.

One tear slid down her cheek to soak into the pillow as the storm moved off into the distance and the night grew dark and silent once again.

She Was Beautiful

He paused in his rush to get to the office as he saw the woman sitting in the sunshine on the low stone wall.
Her hair was purple but not in the crayon color purple but a purple that had various shades of red threading through. It was a vision of cool fire to see on that late spring afternoon.
She sat with a book in her hand, headphones in and sunglasses on her face.
Something about her made him pause, but today only a moment and he rushed to get to his meeting.

There she was again. Two days ago he had seen her sitting there in the sun and today is no exception But the sun is not out today and the gray clouds crowd in on the high rises all around the small park.
So many people rushing to something at this lunchtime moment but all he could do today was stare.
Her hair was just dark today but he knew the fire was there in those strands.
Sunglasses gone and he could see her beautiful face He wondered what color her eyes were. He hoped they would be green and they would see his soul. That battered thing that he rarely let see the light of day.
His phone rang and he jumped. Glancing down he realized he was late for a meeting. Phone to his face he ran off towards his own high rise in the city.

A week had gone by. The sun was out again with a heat that told summer was coming. She was there again today. Alone. She was always alone with her book and her lunch. No one even glanced at the pretty dress she wore with the black boots that looked like army issue. She never looked up and kept her attention on the book in her hand.
She was beautiful in the quiet way that lonely unnoticed people are beautiful to those who notice them.
He noticed her. All of her. He needed to see her eyes and so he turned off his phone and walked to the beauty on the wall.
Her eyes were green. His soul smiled.

Individuals

There comes a time when you must open your eyes to the truth and realize those who left your life had their reasons.
The interesting thing is that the reasons are usually never what you think they are.
And those reasons usually have nothing to do with you personally.

Then comes the moment when you run across that soul once again. They cross your path.
A spark of hope comes to life. Then you think only of the good things. Only of the pretty picture without flaws.
How it could be this time. But you are still ignored. Still pressed away into their lost memories.

When you find truth it is up to you to decide what to do with it.

For a moment there was pain. Regret. Sadness. Feelings of not being good enough. A why not me sort of flow within the soul.
That moment faded away quite suddenly and there was just the past that remained.
That inevitable place that we need to teach ourselves not to dwell in.

Then the dawning comes....

Individuals in my past have proven to be neither friends nor enemies of mine, but we are strangers who share memories,

Good or bad, they are memories.

No new ones will take their place for strangers seem to pass through like a breeze.

Wait

(Quote Pulled from Pinterest - no Author found)

No response.
Did she really expect anything else to happen?
Did she really think that her well written words would spark something within him to have him change his ways? Have him run to her side with apologies and vows to always be there for her?
Of course not.
She was a fool.
At least this time she only had hope for the magical outcome for a short time.
During that short time, while browsing through quotes one popped up and made her nod her head at the computer screen.
She could hear the words whispered to her from across a great distance.
She read it out loud as she sat in her room alone about to cry:

"Wait for the person who pursues you, the one who will make an ordinary moment seem magical, the kind of person who brings out the best in you and makes you want to be a better person. Wait for the person who will be your best friend, the only person who will drop everything to be with you at any time no matter what the circumstances."

She nodded at her computer again and she swore she felt it smile.

Realize

Years had passed and there were times she never even thought of those who had left.
Then there were times when she would run across a picture and pause.
She would wait for the twisting pain in her heart that always would come but after time, the pain faded into nothing but a faint twinge of memory.

All those tears she cried. Were they not real? Were they something in the moment only? Not to last the test of time?

She gave so much love, kindness and respect and did not see hardly any returned.
It took a long time for her to understand why when those dark eyes would shine with so much desire and love but the actions would not match. The silence reigned so much that she felt as she was dealing with a mute.

What you eventually realize is some people won't ever see your heart; even when you show it to them.
It is then  you'll understand, they're still searching for their own.