Again she stares at the screen and lets the tears roll down her face. It always seems to end up this way and she wonders for the millionth time; what is so wrong with her that she cannot be wanted and loved.
Again she felt as if she needed to slide into her armor and protect herself from those who just do not care. Her smile was her armor. Her happy demeanor was her sword. Acting as if she did not have a care in the world was her shield. Around and around she danced away from the feelings of unworthiness and abandonment.
Again she felt left behind and not good enough.
She shook her head and turned to watch the snow falling silently outside. She felt cold. She was turning numb. How to stop this. How to not go downward into this spiral of despair again.
She began to write.
I need something.
I'm beginning to think that I need anything.
Speed in my veins.
Tar on my lungs.
Smoke in my throat.
Blood on my hands.
Anything.....
to get rid of the ghosts in my heart.
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