Missing You But Does it Matter

I want to say I miss you. But it won't change anything so I'll just keep on pretending I don't.

I know I have said it but its time for me to stop.
Tme for me to stop lifting you up, telling you how amazing you are, how much I miss you and how I have your back.

I get tired of the silences after.
Never hearing back that you miss me too.
That you have my back.
That you wish you could see me or hug me or even think of me once in a while.

I feel like a foolish little girl in love with the movie star who tolerates her adoration cause its cute.

I am so scared to say what I feel for I may run you away.
You may see me as a problem after that.
I wrecked your castle where you dwell with your demons.
Did you know I was a demon slayer? I have the skills.
But you don't want me there.
You don't want me in your dreams, your mind........
               
                                 your heart.

I do cry at times but then I gather myself together for I am strong and I know that it is what it is.
Where I am at is where I am at.
I am not tall. Nor hot. Nor thin. Nor anything that you may like.
I feel tolerated
I feel abandoned.

Then I pick myself up off the pity floor and gather myself up.

I am beautiful. Kind. Intelligent. And hot. I know it.
I know you know it too.
I know you love me inside your heart.
I know I fight dragons with you in your dreams.
We build houses out of logs that face the Tetons where we drink whiskey and coffee on the porch.

Its just nice to hear from time to time that I matter.
That my green eyes make you weak.
That you want to wrap your hands in my hair.

I am missing you and it is getting harder to hold on.
It is getting harder to withstand the pain.