Drunk

  Her drink sat before her on the table, watered down as she watched the people come and go from the bar. It was a Friday afternoon and the bar had quite a few people stopping by for that after work imbibe.
Her notebook was open, pen laying across a blank page, and she hoped the bustling place would get her creativity flowing again.
So much had happened in the past few years her little, battered soul was barely scooting along at the bottom of the barrel. She was picking herself up pretty good, she thought, but damn it was tough work.
Many had it rougher. So she tried not to think of her situation as terrible. It was just a set back,

Her attention was caught by a woman who had just stumbled from a group by the pool tables. This was someone who was down low, she could tell by the dark circles under her eyes and the worn look on her face.
The woman reached a bar stool and clumsily settled down, yelling out a drink order to the bar tender who was close by. Soon she had, what looked like a shot of whiskey set before her. She slammed it back, slid the back of her hand over her mouth and wiped it off on ratty cut off jean shorts.
Her red cowboy boots had seen better days. Scuffed on the toes to the point where the red was gone and the under material showed. Maybe those scuffs were from lots of dancing or perhaps scuffles while she was drunk.
Her shirt was red and covered in sequins that spelled out something she could not make out.
Blonde hair teased to the max and a lot of makeup to hide those sleepless nights.

She realized as the woman slammed back her second shot, that she could see, that she was not just getting drunk for the hell of it. She's getting drunk to numb the hell out of it.

Those words made it to the page before her. A sadness washed over her as she watched the woman with the chipped red nails and mickey mouse watch on her right arm that this could be anyone at any time.
We all could get side swiped by some tragedy in life and there is no one to shake us out of our own self destruction.
Sometimes we feel like those worn cowboy boots; too scuffed to be presentable but too comfortable to walk around in to get rid of.

She stood, gathering her items and walked slowly from the bar and its quiet, subtle desolation.

Wild Hearts

   "Oh, the sprinklers are on! Let's go run through them!" she said as she danced around in front of him.
Her gorgeous green eyes were alight with excitement.

He smiled at her and shook his head.

"Those are big powerful sprinklers." he watched the long arcs of the water spray over the park's grass.

"Then we will just stay in spray, don't get too close to the head and we are good. Come on. Live a little." her hands slid up his chest and he trembled. He loved it when she touched him. It unnerved him that one touch from this little slip of a woman could unravel him. Oh what the hell, she was right, time to live a little.
He took her hand and with a wink tugged her off to run with her through the cold water.

It showered down over them as they ran through. Laughing and screaming as the cold water touched their skin.
After a moment she stopped and he found they had made it across to the other side of the field. He turned back to watch the water pass by.
She placed her hands on his cheeks, turned his head down to hers and all he could see was wild, love filled green eyes. It set his heart to pounding in his chest and then his whole body shivered as her lips touched his.
Wrapping her in his arms he deepened the kiss, swirling his tongue through her mouth and he thrilled at her moan.
 Their wet bodies clung to one another as they kissed deeply in the darkening park on a hot summer night.
He never wanted this to end but her love was so intense, so wild, it scared him. He pulled back from the kiss and stared down into her eyes.

"You terrify me woman." he said softly allowing his fear to show. "Your love is wild."

She pushed a wet tendril of hair from his forehead, her fingers trailing over his cheek, his jaw and then over his lips. She smiled, that smile that always melted him.

"Hearts are wild creatures." she said with a grin and spun in a circle, wrapping her arms around herself and stopped, looking at him. "That's why our ribs are cages. You are in no danger of losing your wild heart to me. Just allow me to feed it through the bars."

She was against him again, her arms sliding around him and her eyes blazing love.

Wild creatures indeed. Well his felt as if it were a lion ready to burst free to take down its prey. His woman. He crushed her to him and took his kisses hard from her mouth. She moaned louder and he knew that her own wild lioness of a heart was racing like his.

Dances

    He sat staring out at the snow covered mountains and let out a sigh. He watched his breath flow out before him in a cloud of cold, harsh memories.
Yeah, he was alone and he wanted it that way. He liked the way his life was. Uncomplicated. No one to tell him how to do things or control his movements. He could come and go as he pleased. Stay out all night if he felt like it.
He shook his head sadly as he crushed the cigarette out in the ashtray.
Fuck, who was he fooling with his adolescent ramblings. One would think he was a mere slip of a boy when he was a man. A successful man. He had made it. Not without scars but he made it.
He turned and went back into the house, the cold air finally driving into his skin enough he felt chilled to the bone.
The house was quiet.
He stood looking into the living room wondering if a good movie was on tonight.
Fuck it. Bed. He would just go to bed.
Was easier to sleep and not feel the crushing loneliness.

    The beer before him had gone flat and he stared at the television over the bar without really seeing it. His mind had gone to thoughts of her. That gorgeous little thing he left behind so long ago. He wondered what his life would have been like if he had taken her hand and run off with her. He knew she was a wild thing. A woman who was incredibly alive. It scared him. To be around someone who could fade into the background as easily as light the room up with her incredible smile.

"You're thinking hard aren't you?" a voice said next to him and he turned to see one of his friends there. He smiled and nodded.

"Yeah. A lot on my mind these days." he said and looked back to the television.

He noticed his friend settled down next to him and waited quietly. That is what he liked about him, he never pressed but then most guys knew not to press. A woman now, they would press but that one, she did not press. She understood. Truly. Deeply. Honestly. Understood what he was about and even if she did not agree, she still saw the good side of his soul. Fuck. Fuck. He messed up. He knew it.
The small crack in his steel wall he built around his heart to protect him from such emotions cracked and he almost groaned aloud at the pain that lanced him.

"I miss her." He said softly staring now at the golden liquid in the glass.

His friend knew who she was, he was the only one who ever knew of this little fireball that entered his life for a short time. The one he wanted to just lay down and be who he was with. But that was too scary and it pissed him off to know he was afraid so he did what he always did. Shut her out.

"What do you miss the most?" his friend said softly.

He thought about that a moment. He missed how she smelled. How her skin felt under his hands. How her green eyes would go so dark with desire when he kissed her. How she could make him laugh, even when his day was so bad. She made him smile and feel true joy for being alive. The mountains were more magnificent. He wanted to dance to every song. And each love song reminded him of her.

"She dances to the songs in her head, speaks with the rhythm of her heart, and loves from the depths of her soul. She made me want to dance with her and learn those fanciful songs. I wanted to be the reason her heart skipped a beat. And most of all..." he looked at his friend who was watching him with sad eyes.
"I wanted to know the depths of her soul. To know her completely and not be afraid of losing myself."

He stopped talking for the lump in his throat would not allow him to continue. This is what he could not handle. These wild and deep emotions. They were not allowed in his life. He wanted to love but on his terms. Not a slave to someone else.
But then kneeling to her....would it have been so bad?

"It sounds like you need to go dancing. Take a chance my friend. You might surprise yourself." his friend squeezed his shoulder and walked off.

His gaze lifted to the television and there he saw a woman dancing on the beach, long dark hair flowing out behind her as the sun set behind her. He felt his heart skip a beat and he looked away.

How could he ever mend what had been broken?
Dare he try?

He sighed not knowing what to do.

Deep Kisses

He was nervous of this woman, or he should say this girl dressed as a woman, she made his heart flutter and his fingertips itch with the maddening desire to touch her skin.
Those green eyes of hers always seemed to be twinkling with some mischief or some inside joke she told herself.
Then those emerald depths would turn to him at times filled with a wisdom so deep he felt as if he was looking into the soul of the universe. He would learn everything there was to learn within her and all would be magic.
Oh yes, she terrified him so he covered it with his arrogance, his flippancy and he knew it hurt her at times.
The eyes, the green eyes flecked with gold, would flinch away from him or shift into a shimmer of sadness that broke his soul open a little more each time.
He needed to keep it together so he stitched it shut with good intentions and bad actions.

"What do you want to do tonight?" He asked as they stood on the grass in the park. Dusk was settling into night and the stars were coming out.
Her little form stood a few feet away as she stared at the playground in the distance. it was a hulking structure, one of the few wooden play ground sets he had seen in a public park. It was a massive fort like thing with many hidey holes and places to play. He wondered why she liked being so childish but she did one thing to him that no one else ever did; set him in a place where he felt alive. Truly, wildly alive.

"Let's go play in the fort. Hide and seek? Then swing on the swings. Then they do have a pool. The fence is not too high." she laughed and twirled around when he scoffed at her idea.
It was for stupid teenagers, why didn't they just go back to his place and play hide and seek in his room.
her laugh cut him.
"What?" he said, a little hurt.

"Why not stay out here in the night. Feeling the air along our skin. Being free." She walked over to him and his heartbeat sped up. She had the wildest effect on him. He felt his fingers itch to touch her. Kissing her was like losing his mind.
And with that thought her lips claimed his and he was lost. Falling down into the well of desire he had for this woman was terrifying. He needed to keep away from her for she made him want to sink to his knees in submission. To lay prostrate before the inferno of life that she was to him.
Her lips eased away and those eyes, hell he swore they glowed, watched him intently as the lamp above them shone down.

"Life is for deep kisses, strange adventures, midnight swims and rambling conversations." her sweet breath fluttered against his jaw and he felt his soul tremble at her words.

Her deep kisses stole his soul.
Adventures with her would always be strange and magical.
A midnight swim would drown his resolve to stay away.
And her rambling conversations always changed his mind.

He kissed her deeply in the park at dusk on a summer's night knowing he was lost but maybe he could run away in the light of day.
But could he stay away? And what would it cost him if he did go away?
His soul?

Do Not Let Your Fire Go Out

The traffic streamed by the coffee shop window in a constant blur of color and flickering sunshine. One hand wrapped loosely around a cooling cup of coffee she thought about how she ended up here, alone.
Time seemed to fly by and she could not believe years had passed since she left. Since she heard his voice. Since she seen his dark eyes. A soft sigh escaped her and her gaze dropped to the tablet before her. The screen dark it having shut off from not being touched in awhile.
A soft snort came at that thought, yeah no one touched her in a long time, hell who would want to.

The familiar knot of pain ballooned up in her chest and then filled her throat. It pissed her off sometimes that the tears and the pain could come so easily. How just thinking about things from the past made her fill with pain.
She took a deep breath, lifting a hand to brush a tear away.
This coffee shop became her home away from home each evening after work. No one bothered her here. No one noticed her once she sat in her corner table by the window.
No hellos. No goodbyes. That suited her. If she did not have those then she would not get hurt.
She would not be left behind for another. No pain.
Yeah well, maybe pain from being lonely.

"My dear.." a woman's voice cut through her haze and her gaze lifted to see the older woman who owned the small shop standing at her table. Her gypsy outfit, wild blonde hair streaked with black and at least five rainbow scarves around her hair and neck told her that she was a hippie in the new age. Before she could utter a word the woman smiled, then spoke again.

"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swamps of the not-quite, the not-yet and the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists....it is real...it is possible...it's yours.

With those words echoing in her head she watched the woman swirl away in a flurry of color and drifting scents of incense to the back of the shop where she disappeared behind a beaded curtain.

The words kept flitting through her mind as she stood, gathering her things to head home. She did dwell on the not's. How she was not quite so pretty and interesting so she was passed over time and time again. She worried over the not-yet's because she felt the time was now but everyone else told her, not yet. Then those not-at-all's were the killers because her dreams became those not-at-all's.
She knew she was allowing herself to die inside. To be a shriveled up shell of what she once was and in that moment she felt the spark, that little spark that kept the coal of her desire to live burning.
There was heat within her she just needed to fan the flames. But how could she do that when she felt that her hero's cape was more a cloak of invisibility than anything else. She would never fly in the air with a red cape flapping behind her and she would never jump building to building with a black mask saving people from themselves. She was just a little girl trapped in a woman's body that always felt as if she were playing dress up in the grown up world.
That spark flared into a small flame and her body physically jerked.
Why play in the grown up world. Why not just be who you are; that girl with the multicolored cape who flew in to rescue those she loved and if they had to leave then she needed to cling to the fact that they trusted her enough to put their own battered soul in her hands for healing.
They loved her. They trusted her.
Time to put that rainbow cape on and go out there to the world of dreams. Ride the coattails of other dreams if you have to but get back to those clouds.

With those thoughts she turned to walk out the door.
Upon reaching it a man on the other side held it open for her, his dark blue eyes twinkling at her as he stepped aside.

"Thank you." she smiled, looking directly into his eyes.

"My pleasure..." he said as she walked past then she halted at his next words.

"Tis a pity you are on your way out. I see you here often and was hoping to talk to you sometime over coffee. I see you are an avid reader. " He held up his tablet. "I am as well and perhaps we could share some thoughts over books?"

His blue eyes seemed filled with hope and she felt her little pilot light flare up into a fire. This man noticed her. This gorgeous dark haired blue eyed man noticed her but she never noticed him. Realization dawned that of course she would not notice him as she kept her gaze on her book or out the window. Too afraid to allow herself to look into another person's eyes to see only rejection or dismissal. She needed to notice more what went on around her and accept what happened. Great Goddess she was a fool.
Here was her opportunity. Time to flap that hero cape with some moves.

"Well....I have had coffee but I've not had dinner and was headed next door for some great tacos. Want to join me?" she said with a smile.

"You know what...I think I will. By the way I am Alex." he held out his hand to her, letting the door swing closed as they stood on the sidewalk.

She placed her hand into his, felt the electric shock of feeling human skin against hers again. That fire shifted into a little bit of bonfire.

"Pleasure to meet you Alex, I'm Sky."

He inclined his head and smiled. "Pleasure is all mine. Shall we?" He nodded to the door to the restaurant and she smiled.
Finally. She was starting to live again.
Up, Up and Away!

Starving

My eyes are pinned to his and I found myself mesmerized.
The anticipation was suffocating.
The need to touch was overwhelming.
I said I would do it. I had bragged but I did not realize that it would be this intense.
That I sat dumbfounded in the lashing of such heat against my skin.
My tongue slid along my lower lip, needing.
Salivating at the mere thought of tasting him.
Heat pooled between my legs and I shifted my thighs together.
I gasped at the thrilling sensations that race through my core.
Fuck this, I think and lean forward tracing his lips with a fingertip.
Then hands slipped around my waist, dragging me to him and then it was there.
His lips against mine and joy filled me
Tongue sliding into his mouth, tasting deeply, tremors of desire ripping through like a storm.

I taste him and I realize I have been starving. She thought to herself as she is pulled closer.

I have been starved all my life and this is my sustenance.

Happiest Moments

The sun was shining and the feel of the warmth on her face was wonderful.
It had been so cold and dark for too long and that darkness had extended into her heart and soul to have her living in a perpetual blackness.
She was back though.
Back with a smile and a spring to her step.
Things were moving along as they should and she knew she had the hardest lesson to learn.
She had to let go of those who left her. Those who loved her but left her anyway.
She had to push away the feelings of not being good enough.
She knew now that one of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you can't change.
She let it all go.
She let them go.
If they are to show up in her story again someday she would welcome them.
Until then, she would live as if today was her last.

"But I know today is not my last and I am looking forward to tomorrow." she said softly.

With a grin she slipped behind the wheel of her car and drove off to another adventure.