Meet Me by the Owl

   The envelope came in the mail right after Halloween and she stared at it with trepidation. The return address was puzzling and made her insides quake. She had not spoken with him in over a year and now there was a letter to her. To her home address?
   She turned over the purple envelope, knowing it was a card, but her birthday was not for a month..

"Oh just open it you stupid girl." she muttered to herself as she ripped the envelope.

The card showed Cinderella on the front, standing before her castle and it read. "Happy Birthday Princess!"
A sliver of fear raced through her as she was scared this was going to be a cruel joke. He had a wicked sense of humor and she prayed it was not pointed wickedly at her.
Trembling fingers opened the card and inside were just his handwritten words.

Happy Birthday!
I know this is strange after all this time but give this a chance.
Go to Fast Travel Agency on Main Street and ask for Bruce. He will give you package.
Turn on your imagination and let the magic come forth.
On November 28th meet me at Cinderella's castle where the owl watches.
Your Prince

  Her mouth was dry and head spinning at what this could mean. At a loss she just stood there with about a hundred emotions flying around.

This was all so strange but also a thrill of excitement rushed through her at the prospect of him going this far out of his way to show her he cared.
He did care?
Her eyes dropped back to the words written on the card and shook her head with more than a little confusion.
She would call him and find out what he wanted once and for all. She was so tired of being led astray and it was hard to let her heart open back up.
Grabbing her purse she headed out to her car while she dialed his number.
It went to voicemail and the sound of his voice sent shivers of pure desire through her.

Sorry I can't take your call right now but please leave your number and I will get back to you. Oh, and if this is my princess, trust me, this once just trust me and I will not let you down.

Tossing the phone into her open purse on the seat next to her in the car she was stunned. Great Goddess, he was serious. Truly serious and now her nerves jacked up into a wilder level.

Later on she sat in the car in front of Fast Travel and gathered her wits about her. A deep inhale, a slow exhale she stepped out of the car and into the office.

"Hi, may I help you?" a blonde woman asked with a smile.

"I am looking for Bruce?"

"Hi...you have the card?" A tall older man said as he walked forward from the back of the small office.
She saw he had silver hair and a gentle smile, which made her relax a little bit. Jumpiness not in her nature but she felt as if sandpaper was running over her skin.

"Um..yes..." She thrust the card at him with what she knew was a sickly smile on her face. she was totally losing it.

"Great...come on back here to my office." He lead the way down the hall and into a small tidy office.
He put a silver box on the table with a purple bow on the desk.

"Just come on out when you are done." he said and walked out of the room.

The box sat there looking very scary. Something intense was in there. A life changing deal for sure.
She pulled the top of box off and inside she found a water globe with Cinderella's castle in it from Disneyland.
Under that was a plane ticket for the 27th, a room at the Grand Californian hotel and a piece of paper that she saw was another note from him,

My Princess,
Come fly to my castle so I may rescue you from this life. Allow me to sweep you off your feet.
All you need to do is tell my faithful friend Bruce that you accept the adventure that has been laid before you. If you choose not to come to the land where dreams do come true I will understand.
Allow me to be your prince. Allow me to redeem myself.
With all my Love, your servant.

Her heart felt as if it would beat out of her chest. Fly to California for, she glanced at the ticket to see when she would come back, four days to play in Disneyland with someone who shattered her heart with his silence. Goodness, what the hell. She closed her eyes and took deep breaths to calm her trembling body.
This man was still under her skin, flowing through her veins and etched on her heart deeply. He was her soul and she had always wanted to be his but he chose another. It hurt. It took her confidence in love away.
But he was trying......yes he was.
But could she trust him?

She walked out into the office and up to Bruce who was standing next to the front counter.

"Sir. I accept the adventure." she stated with a lift to her chin.

The man smiled and said, "Excellent. Then you have your documents. Safe trip and remember....adventure is magic we spin ourselves. Enjoy."

She could not help but to smile as she was feeling the excitement build.
Now she had to wait weeks before she could leave. Before she would see him again.
Oh my. She froze next to her car and sighed.

"What do I wear?!"

Just Breathe

"I am so nervous it is not funny. I mean it is one damn sentence that is flirty and here I am all a hot mess about it."

She said as she stalked around the room pulling drawers open and slamming them closed.

"It's so stupid that I cannot even understand what flirting is when its put in my face. Oh my hell where is my..." she stopped ranting as she pulled a purple journal from the final drawer in the room.

Shaking her head she turned to stare at Fitz, her black and white cat who was lounging on the chair watching her intently.

"Fitz, why am I such a loser when it comes to this sort of thing?" she asked the cat as she settled into the couch opposite.

Green eyes just gaze calmly at her.

"You are right. I should be confident in myself. I am a writer after all and I have made many swoon with my word smith work."
She flipped open the journal to a blank page, clicked her pen to the ready to write position and waited.

The page remained blank. She sighed and looked up to see Fitz yawn at her then blink sleepily.
"Yeah. I know. Boring. But I worry if I am too goofy he will think I am a dork. Then if I get all intellectual then I am too serious. I swear I can't win with this stuff. I was called overwhelming once you know. I say it was their weakness that could not handle it. I admitted when I said too much but hell, I hate dating a sphinx. Don't riddle me nothing boy, just give it to me straight. Why can't people just say what the hell they mean."

The cat licked a paw then stared at her calmly.

"I want to impress him so much. He has the most lovely smile. His sense of humor is wicked and I want to meet with him, talk more, get to know him and just let things naturally go where they may. I am tired of these men who get to know me and run away. I am not scary, I am just five feet of nothing really. Just a little gal who wants to be friendly."

The cat stood, stretched languidly and then sat down again watching her intently.

"Just breathe. Yes. You are right. Thanks for the talk Fitz. Guys could learn from you."

She stood and petted the cat on the way out the door.

Why?

   He stood staring at the mountains and saw it was storming. The clouds were low and dark which only meant the snow was flying there. It had turned cold and he stood alone, watching another winter descend. It was in these moments after a solitary dinner in front of the television he realized he made a mistake. But what could you do now?

  That thought made his heart clench and he gripped the counter tight in his hands. The pain he tried to drown, bury in another or run from never went far. It seemed to be right there ready to remind him with sharp stabs he truly fucked up.
  Right now he was dysfunctional. Who he was with was worse. There were only good moments and he wanted more but would there ever be?
  A soft sigh and he realize he let her go. He let the one he truly loved to stay in this dysfunctional mess.

  His gaze drifted back to the mountains and he whispered sadly.
  "Why did you let her go? That girl was perfect for you and you were too stupid to realize that. She loved you so much, she would do anything for you. But for you it was easier to just push her away." he took a deep breath and closed his eyes feeling the sorrow well up inside.
  He whispered again.
   "Why is it so hard to let her inside? She's worth it. She's not like other girls. One day you'll wake up and you'll realize that she was worth the fight. But you won't be able to change anything because you never gave her a reason to stay."
He stood there, silently gripping the counter with his head down as tears fell to the floor.

Walk to the Light

She stood at the edge of her life and had to make a decision.
The way to the Light was before her and should she take the next step.
Allow the fetters of her earthborn life to fall free into nothing while she runs towards her salvation.

The clouds rolled in, the wind picked up and soon the Light was a beacon in the darkening sky.
Her gaze stared at the old boards under her feet and she knew each plank was a sliver of one of her many lives.
She was weary in mind, body and soul.
Holding the weight of so many on her shoulders had bent and twisted her into something she did not recognize anymore.
Their problems. Their lost loves. Their indecisions. Their selfishness. Their greed.
All weighted her down inside and while she tried to siphon it all off she could not and it stained her soul. All the darkness took her soul and made it a mottled, brown thing that needed the Light to wash her clean.

Her driving force on this plane was to heal.
But so much was hurting. So may lied. Cheated. Died.
So heavy. So tiring.

Her watery gaze lifted to the light once again. She knew if she crossed to the center of the walkway she would forfeit her life.
Leave those who loved her behind to fend for themselves.
A glance behind her where the movie of this life played and a frown creased her brow as she saw so many walk away from her. She was their rock, their shoulder, their friend, their lover and yet they chose others, chose to leave her in silence and walk away to allow her to think she was nothing worth fighting for. She was forgettable. She was worthless.

"Why can't I have what I want?" she wailed as she sank to her knees on the slightly damp wooden bridge.

"why?" she whispered as she watched the image of a dark haired, dark eyes man cross before her and her heart broke all over again.

She saw everyone she had ever loved leave. Left her behind.
Only remembering her when she was needed.
She would be called selfish. She would be hated for what she had done.
No one would understand because all of their condemnations would be for themselves. For their loss and not her own.
She needed selfish right now to save her soul.
Her soul. She was tired of soothing everyone else's soul while hers withered away.

She stood and wiped angrily at her tears and took a deep, calming breath.
She turned to the walkway once again and the Light at the end.
With a lift of her chin she allowed the gossamer white gown float away on the wind and with determination she walked towards the Light and her salvation.

Lost Friendship

You told me I could always talk to you.
You told me your shoulder was mine to lean on.
That my tears’ wetting your shirt was an honor.
You told me you were my friend.
We kissed. We loved.

Silence.

You did not want me to talk to you anymore.
You hid your shoulder from me.
My tears fell to the ground unheeded.
You took away your friendship.
Now we are strangers.

Silence.

Never Good Enough

Her gaze lifted from her desk as everyone around her walked away. She heard snippets of they were all going to lunch, she heard them calling to various people as they walked by and then the room was silent. She looked back to her desk, the book open before her and let out a soft, pain filled sigh.

Tears did not fall anymore.
She did not have them left.
Always invisible and left out....she was used to it.

A pad of paper sat next to her and impulsively she began to write.

I'm the girl who is never good enough.
Not for her friends, her family, boys, anyone.
I'm the bounce back.
I'm second choice.

"Second choice?" she said softly, scoffing and then scratched out the last line on the page and wrote.

I'm never chosen.

She threw the pen down, gathered her things and walked down the stairs slowly. Relishing the silent stairway, marveling at the marble beneath her feet and she wondered if anyone would notice she was gone.
Not just today.
But forever.

Ah, maybe for a moment they would but then she would be forgotten.
Like the day it snowed for five minutes in December.
Unremarkable. Nothing grand at all.

Empty

Many people say they're empty.
But I'm too full.
Full of memories, fears, hope, love and anger.
I have too much inside myself.
I have a heart that's getting too heavy to carry around.
I feel so much I can't have peace.

Peace is a distant memory.
Something that seems as if it was a glimmer from my childhood.
Back then when I was free to stand in the street and cry when pain assailed.
Someone would come, pat me on the back and tell me it would be ok.
Now as I sit on my bed, eyes watching the movie of memories inside and the tears fall...
there is no one to pat my back.

I am lost in a world where I am not wanted.
I stand on the sidelines of life.
Wishing.
My heart bleeds a little more every day.
Blood being replaced by stone.
I don't want to feel anymore.
I want to be numb.
I want to never love again.