Fear Losing You

Tonight I sit and stare at the quotes I have saved.
They rip through my mind and I feel like any one of them I try to place where he will see will backfire.
He won't see the quote from me but he will let the quote take him to the other one he is in love with.

It seems I am the one who hangs out on the edges of people's lives.
I lift them up but I am never the one they think of when a love song comes on the radio.

I wish I was.
I want to be that one he thinks of when he closes his eyes at night.
I want to be the one he thinks of first when he wakes up.

I have a rock in my chest where my heart should be.
It sits on my lungs making it hard to breathe.

I want to think good things but I am so used to being left behind and forgotten.

Our conversation went further than ever before. He was so sweet and funny.

He pushed me to talk about what was on my mind.
I felt the fear rise up and pull the darkness over my eyes and seal my mouth shut.
How can I tell this amazing man that I am in love with him when he is in love with someone else?
I fear he will shut down and then I lose my friend.

He would never read this so I will say what I wish I could tell him -

I love the way your smile lights up your eyes.
I love the way you move with such power and grace.
I love how protective you are of me.
I love how your sharp sense of humor makes me laugh.
I love how you make me smile every day.
I love you...all of you.
I can't lose you because if I ever did I'd have lost my best friend, my soul mate, my smile, my laugh, my everything

All I care about is his happiness. I will be the rock he needs when he is down and needs to rest his troubles.
I will hold him up as he goes through his tough times. I will listen and soothe him as a friend would do.
I will love him quietly and when he flies away to live the life he has dreamed about I will applaud him with joy as the tears stream down my face as my heart breaks.