Isn't it that What Friends are For?

The day had gone from bad to worse in a matter of moments.
Of course I instantly felt sorry for myself because what I had just been told affected me deeply.
He would be leaving soon. Going away. Far away and that meant they had no chance.

Ha. Like I had a chance anyway.

Hours later when alone in my room in the dark just staring into the space above I stopped the selfish pain.
He was going through a lot of his own. So much on his mind. So many things he kept close to his chest that I had to play the guessing game to try and help.
He did not realize that I knew his feelings. Felt them rush to tangle with my own.
There were days I did not know where I ended and he began.
Such flights of fancy! If he ever read this he may back away slowly with a scared smile on his face for his friend had lost her mind.

Friends that is all they were. Hell, more like online friends for as much as they saw one another.
That stung.
He even kept me at arms length physically.
Oh how I have always wanted to wrap my arms around his big body and bury my face in his chest.
I bet he smells amazing.
But they were close.They talked to much. Shared some secrets.
Didn't that mean anything?!
Obviously....it does on some level.
Ah but I digress.....back to the point.

I realized as I lay in the dark feeling sorry for myself that I had to remember he was going through his pain. Just because he did not do this or that did not mean he stopped caring.
Did not mean he had abandoned the friendship.
I really need to get a grip.

Friendship. What a fucked up word when it was used in this context.
They could be nothing but friends.
Bullshit.
Well there were odd circumstances but hell aren't those things the obstacles we should climb over in life to get to what we truly want?
I may need to remember one thing - he may not want me.
Suck on that one for a while.
It is a bitter pill to swallow.

If I were to tell him anything it would be this:

It hurts to know that you will never look at me the way I look at you.

And so I will bury my disappointment, my hurt and make sure I am the rock he needs while he goes through his stressful time.
I will be his champion. I will be the one he can always trust
I will hide my tears at home and only show him the sunshine he needs.

After all isn't that what friends are for?
Even the friends you are in love with?