I Hope You Find

Heart pounding in her chest she knew he was going to be leaving tomorrow and tonight was a rare night for them.
They actually will be together. Alone.
He kept his distance from her and the last few weeks had been agonizing. He would not go with her anywhere, see her, drink with her. Nothing.

Eyes flicked up from where she leaned against her car in the parking lot to see him pull up.
As he got out of his truck her gaze drank him in.
This amazing man caught her attention almost a year ago and their friendship grew into this deep connection they never spoke about. But they both knew it was there.
She watched him walk up to her with a smile on his face but she could see the strain at the corners of his eyes.
This was hard on him too. She knew this and she remained careful around him.
It was hard to keep her hands to herself. Goddess that was the truth.
Her palms itched to slide down his chest. Her body ached to press to his. Her lips tingled to touch his and know the passion that was always between them.

They walked into the bar to have their last drinks and talk about his move.

Once the night wound down and they were walking to their cars she stopped him with a hand on his arm.

"You are leaving and I have to do this. I have to. So deal with it." she said with a playful smile and the she wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug.
He went very still for a moment and her heart sank, oh Goddess, he did not love her He did not see her this way. Oh shit I am a fool.
The last thought was crushed into oblivion as his strong arms wrapped around her and pulled her tight against his body.
She buried her face in his chest and inhaled.
She wanted to memorize his scent. Wanted to imprint him on her soul so when she was feeling lost she could reach for his anchor.
His face nuzzled her hair and shivers washed over her body.
She could feel his heart pounding in his chest. Hers pounded in rhythm.

They stood there locked in each others arms, neither one willing to let go first.
Though he did speak first.

"I am going to miss you little one. I wish things were different. God I wish."

She could hear the barely contained emotion in his voice and she lifted her head to look up at him.

"I will miss you too. I know we never went out much I wanted to all the time. You are ...amazing." She said softly and then sighed heavily.
"I always wanted to know how you felt about me but I never asked cause I was worried I was off base. That you did not have any feelings for me other than casual."

His head shook slowly then his soft voice admitted what she had been wanting to hear.

"I fell for you months ago but I knew I could not go there with your situation. I knew if I touched you I could not stop. I knew if I kissed you I would never stop. I knew if I made love to you I would be begging you to run away with me and I know you can't. I cannot do what you guys do, so I have to go. I am a storm of emotions. " He sighed and then went silent.

Her hand reached up and slid over his cheek. He gazed down into her eyes.
Raising on tip toes she pressed her lips to his softly. A gentle kiss but every ounce of love she had for him was in it. His soft sigh told her he was losing his battle and he dragged her up to kiss her deeper.
She felt his tongue slide into her mouth and the desire whipped through her and she knew this was heaven. She knew now why they did not get close. This was a true storm of fire.

Pulling away she felt the emotions over flow in her soul and she felt her heart break into a thousand pieces.
He needed someone who could be there for him all the time. Who would cook him pancakes in the morning and brew strong coffee. Who would massage his back after a long day of working on his projects. Who would make him laugh even when he did not want to. Who would travel with him and be his anchor in the storms of life.
She could only give him half of that and it was not fair.
She had to let him go.
Let her soul mate go.

She remained in his arms and laid her head on his chest. His arms tightened around her.
Her protector. Her warrior.

She began to speak softly.
"I hope you find someone who is brave enough to enter your storm and respects you enough to love the size of your waves. I hope you find someone who will relish the calm you can have, and who is eager to set sail on the expanse of your mind."

She took a step back from him to look up into his eyes as hers swam with tears she continued.

"I hope you find someone that can't escape the love they have for you because now they have you in their very blood, always reminding them that you are the only sea worth exploring."

He stared down at her his own eyes shimmering with tears but he said nothing.

"I love you. I know its crazy to say.. I know it is not the right time. I have no idea if you feel the same but I have to say it so you know you are loved."

She took another step backwards watching him then turned to rush to her car as the tears streamed down her face.