I Think of You

   He stood frozen in the hallway watching her walk away from him. He had hung back, not wanting her to see him and he felt ashamed inside for this. Things went so damn wrong. Choices made and now he stood watching what could have been. Damn. Just so complicated. She had made him lose his mind and go a little crazy.
Hell who was he kidding. His life was off the rails crazy and she was the calm, safe place in the storm.
The desire he had for her was amazing. Beyond anything he had ever experienced and the most insane fucking thing of all; she had felt the same.
But yet he made his choice.
He slid a hand through his hair, sighing heavily and feeling pain wash through his soul.

"Fuck." he said aloud then headed down the hallway feeling confused and flustered.

He sat up in bed, the dream making him tremble with desire and painful memories. His heart pounding he glanced to the clock by his bedside and it was barely after 1am.
Hopelessness washed over him and he felt as if he were living an empty life with shallow trappings all around.
He might look happy and will vehemently defend his position, his relationship  and his way of life but deep inside he was miserable.
Overwhelmed he sat there in the darkness. Pain washed though his soul.
He wanted to tell her. He wanted to explain more. tell her how he felt and why he was doing what he was doing. She was so sweet and had always been willing to befriend him no matter her pain.
Selfless, that was what she was.
Right then he made a decision. With a stab of fear in his heart he went with his intuition.
He would deal with whatever came next with no anger nor fear.

Her mouth hung open at the email from him. She read it aloud to herself with a waver in her voice and happy, un-shed tears in her eyes.

I think of you.
I just can't talk to you right now.
I miss you.
I just can't admit it right now.
I need you.
I just can't show you right now.
I love you.
I just can't tell you right now.

She had no idea what to do with those words but she knew it was time to allow whatever happened to him just keep going naturally. When the timing was right for them then all would be well.
Just knowing he cared. Just knowing that she was on his mind was a salve to all her wounds.
She wished she could lay a sweet kiss to his lips and love him as he deserved.
He cared. That was all that mattered.