Meet Me by the Owl

   The envelope came in the mail right after Halloween and she stared at it with trepidation. The return address was puzzling and made her insides quake. She had not spoken with him in over a year and now there was a letter to her. To her home address?
   She turned over the purple envelope, knowing it was a card, but her birthday was not for a month..

"Oh just open it you stupid girl." she muttered to herself as she ripped the envelope.

The card showed Cinderella on the front, standing before her castle and it read. "Happy Birthday Princess!"
A sliver of fear raced through her as she was scared this was going to be a cruel joke. He had a wicked sense of humor and she prayed it was not pointed wickedly at her.
Trembling fingers opened the card and inside were just his handwritten words.

Happy Birthday!
I know this is strange after all this time but give this a chance.
Go to Fast Travel Agency on Main Street and ask for Bruce. He will give you package.
Turn on your imagination and let the magic come forth.
On November 28th meet me at Cinderella's castle where the owl watches.
Your Prince

  Her mouth was dry and head spinning at what this could mean. At a loss she just stood there with about a hundred emotions flying around.

This was all so strange but also a thrill of excitement rushed through her at the prospect of him going this far out of his way to show her he cared.
He did care?
Her eyes dropped back to the words written on the card and shook her head with more than a little confusion.
She would call him and find out what he wanted once and for all. She was so tired of being led astray and it was hard to let her heart open back up.
Grabbing her purse she headed out to her car while she dialed his number.
It went to voicemail and the sound of his voice sent shivers of pure desire through her.

Sorry I can't take your call right now but please leave your number and I will get back to you. Oh, and if this is my princess, trust me, this once just trust me and I will not let you down.

Tossing the phone into her open purse on the seat next to her in the car she was stunned. Great Goddess, he was serious. Truly serious and now her nerves jacked up into a wilder level.

Later on she sat in the car in front of Fast Travel and gathered her wits about her. A deep inhale, a slow exhale she stepped out of the car and into the office.

"Hi, may I help you?" a blonde woman asked with a smile.

"I am looking for Bruce?"

"Hi...you have the card?" A tall older man said as he walked forward from the back of the small office.
She saw he had silver hair and a gentle smile, which made her relax a little bit. Jumpiness not in her nature but she felt as if sandpaper was running over her skin.

"Um..yes..." She thrust the card at him with what she knew was a sickly smile on her face. she was totally losing it.

"Great...come on back here to my office." He lead the way down the hall and into a small tidy office.
He put a silver box on the table with a purple bow on the desk.

"Just come on out when you are done." he said and walked out of the room.

The box sat there looking very scary. Something intense was in there. A life changing deal for sure.
She pulled the top of box off and inside she found a water globe with Cinderella's castle in it from Disneyland.
Under that was a plane ticket for the 27th, a room at the Grand Californian hotel and a piece of paper that she saw was another note from him,

My Princess,
Come fly to my castle so I may rescue you from this life. Allow me to sweep you off your feet.
All you need to do is tell my faithful friend Bruce that you accept the adventure that has been laid before you. If you choose not to come to the land where dreams do come true I will understand.
Allow me to be your prince. Allow me to redeem myself.
With all my Love, your servant.

Her heart felt as if it would beat out of her chest. Fly to California for, she glanced at the ticket to see when she would come back, four days to play in Disneyland with someone who shattered her heart with his silence. Goodness, what the hell. She closed her eyes and took deep breaths to calm her trembling body.
This man was still under her skin, flowing through her veins and etched on her heart deeply. He was her soul and she had always wanted to be his but he chose another. It hurt. It took her confidence in love away.
But he was trying......yes he was.
But could she trust him?

She walked out into the office and up to Bruce who was standing next to the front counter.

"Sir. I accept the adventure." she stated with a lift to her chin.

The man smiled and said, "Excellent. Then you have your documents. Safe trip and remember....adventure is magic we spin ourselves. Enjoy."

She could not help but to smile as she was feeling the excitement build.
Now she had to wait weeks before she could leave. Before she would see him again.
Oh my. She froze next to her car and sighed.

"What do I wear?!"

Just Breathe

"I am so nervous it is not funny. I mean it is one damn sentence that is flirty and here I am all a hot mess about it."

She said as she stalked around the room pulling drawers open and slamming them closed.

"It's so stupid that I cannot even understand what flirting is when its put in my face. Oh my hell where is my..." she stopped ranting as she pulled a purple journal from the final drawer in the room.

Shaking her head she turned to stare at Fitz, her black and white cat who was lounging on the chair watching her intently.

"Fitz, why am I such a loser when it comes to this sort of thing?" she asked the cat as she settled into the couch opposite.

Green eyes just gaze calmly at her.

"You are right. I should be confident in myself. I am a writer after all and I have made many swoon with my word smith work."
She flipped open the journal to a blank page, clicked her pen to the ready to write position and waited.

The page remained blank. She sighed and looked up to see Fitz yawn at her then blink sleepily.
"Yeah. I know. Boring. But I worry if I am too goofy he will think I am a dork. Then if I get all intellectual then I am too serious. I swear I can't win with this stuff. I was called overwhelming once you know. I say it was their weakness that could not handle it. I admitted when I said too much but hell, I hate dating a sphinx. Don't riddle me nothing boy, just give it to me straight. Why can't people just say what the hell they mean."

The cat licked a paw then stared at her calmly.

"I want to impress him so much. He has the most lovely smile. His sense of humor is wicked and I want to meet with him, talk more, get to know him and just let things naturally go where they may. I am tired of these men who get to know me and run away. I am not scary, I am just five feet of nothing really. Just a little gal who wants to be friendly."

The cat stood, stretched languidly and then sat down again watching her intently.

"Just breathe. Yes. You are right. Thanks for the talk Fitz. Guys could learn from you."

She stood and petted the cat on the way out the door.

Why?

   He stood staring at the mountains and saw it was storming. The clouds were low and dark which only meant the snow was flying there. It had turned cold and he stood alone, watching another winter descend. It was in these moments after a solitary dinner in front of the television he realized he made a mistake. But what could you do now?

  That thought made his heart clench and he gripped the counter tight in his hands. The pain he tried to drown, bury in another or run from never went far. It seemed to be right there ready to remind him with sharp stabs he truly fucked up.
  Right now he was dysfunctional. Who he was with was worse. There were only good moments and he wanted more but would there ever be?
  A soft sigh and he realize he let her go. He let the one he truly loved to stay in this dysfunctional mess.

  His gaze drifted back to the mountains and he whispered sadly.
  "Why did you let her go? That girl was perfect for you and you were too stupid to realize that. She loved you so much, she would do anything for you. But for you it was easier to just push her away." he took a deep breath and closed his eyes feeling the sorrow well up inside.
  He whispered again.
   "Why is it so hard to let her inside? She's worth it. She's not like other girls. One day you'll wake up and you'll realize that she was worth the fight. But you won't be able to change anything because you never gave her a reason to stay."
He stood there, silently gripping the counter with his head down as tears fell to the floor.

Walk to the Light

She stood at the edge of her life and had to make a decision.
The way to the Light was before her and should she take the next step.
Allow the fetters of her earthborn life to fall free into nothing while she runs towards her salvation.

The clouds rolled in, the wind picked up and soon the Light was a beacon in the darkening sky.
Her gaze stared at the old boards under her feet and she knew each plank was a sliver of one of her many lives.
She was weary in mind, body and soul.
Holding the weight of so many on her shoulders had bent and twisted her into something she did not recognize anymore.
Their problems. Their lost loves. Their indecisions. Their selfishness. Their greed.
All weighted her down inside and while she tried to siphon it all off she could not and it stained her soul. All the darkness took her soul and made it a mottled, brown thing that needed the Light to wash her clean.

Her driving force on this plane was to heal.
But so much was hurting. So may lied. Cheated. Died.
So heavy. So tiring.

Her watery gaze lifted to the light once again. She knew if she crossed to the center of the walkway she would forfeit her life.
Leave those who loved her behind to fend for themselves.
A glance behind her where the movie of this life played and a frown creased her brow as she saw so many walk away from her. She was their rock, their shoulder, their friend, their lover and yet they chose others, chose to leave her in silence and walk away to allow her to think she was nothing worth fighting for. She was forgettable. She was worthless.

"Why can't I have what I want?" she wailed as she sank to her knees on the slightly damp wooden bridge.

"why?" she whispered as she watched the image of a dark haired, dark eyes man cross before her and her heart broke all over again.

She saw everyone she had ever loved leave. Left her behind.
Only remembering her when she was needed.
She would be called selfish. She would be hated for what she had done.
No one would understand because all of their condemnations would be for themselves. For their loss and not her own.
She needed selfish right now to save her soul.
Her soul. She was tired of soothing everyone else's soul while hers withered away.

She stood and wiped angrily at her tears and took a deep, calming breath.
She turned to the walkway once again and the Light at the end.
With a lift of her chin she allowed the gossamer white gown float away on the wind and with determination she walked towards the Light and her salvation.

Lost Friendship

You told me I could always talk to you.
You told me your shoulder was mine to lean on.
That my tears’ wetting your shirt was an honor.
You told me you were my friend.
We kissed. We loved.

Silence.

You did not want me to talk to you anymore.
You hid your shoulder from me.
My tears fell to the ground unheeded.
You took away your friendship.
Now we are strangers.

Silence.

Never Good Enough

Her gaze lifted from her desk as everyone around her walked away. She heard snippets of they were all going to lunch, she heard them calling to various people as they walked by and then the room was silent. She looked back to her desk, the book open before her and let out a soft, pain filled sigh.

Tears did not fall anymore.
She did not have them left.
Always invisible and left out....she was used to it.

A pad of paper sat next to her and impulsively she began to write.

I'm the girl who is never good enough.
Not for her friends, her family, boys, anyone.
I'm the bounce back.
I'm second choice.

"Second choice?" she said softly, scoffing and then scratched out the last line on the page and wrote.

I'm never chosen.

She threw the pen down, gathered her things and walked down the stairs slowly. Relishing the silent stairway, marveling at the marble beneath her feet and she wondered if anyone would notice she was gone.
Not just today.
But forever.

Ah, maybe for a moment they would but then she would be forgotten.
Like the day it snowed for five minutes in December.
Unremarkable. Nothing grand at all.

Empty

Many people say they're empty.
But I'm too full.
Full of memories, fears, hope, love and anger.
I have too much inside myself.
I have a heart that's getting too heavy to carry around.
I feel so much I can't have peace.

Peace is a distant memory.
Something that seems as if it was a glimmer from my childhood.
Back then when I was free to stand in the street and cry when pain assailed.
Someone would come, pat me on the back and tell me it would be ok.
Now as I sit on my bed, eyes watching the movie of memories inside and the tears fall...
there is no one to pat my back.

I am lost in a world where I am not wanted.
I stand on the sidelines of life.
Wishing.
My heart bleeds a little more every day.
Blood being replaced by stone.
I don't want to feel anymore.
I want to be numb.
I want to never love again.

Drowning

   The wine reflected the light off the lamp as she swirled the last little bit in the glass. She was feeling so very sad this night and it made her want to drink deeply to deaden her heart. No more feeling the pang of being pushed aside. No more feeling the pain of being looked at as a freak. Perhaps after this wine was gone she should just go. Be done with it all.

   She was drowning but nobody saw her struggle. Dragged under the dark waves of her sorrow that she had to hide with smiles all day. Always lifting others up out of their dark waters while she was left to drown. She had not strength left in her at all.

Yes. it was time to give up.

No song made her feel any better for any song she listened to did not soothe her soul it only reminded her of those who chose others than her.

The words of longing crooned in the songs, the words of loss were never for her, they were always for that bitchy woman, that young woman, that woman who danced on tables while she sat in the corner and watched.

When would someone fight for her?
When would she be SEEN for more than a moment?

So tired of being turned away from by everyone.
Talking and no one is listening.
Bleeding and no one cares.
Dying and no one mourns.

You Deserve

  "Why in the hell are you still mooning over that asshole." he said angrily as he turned to see her wiping a tear from her cheek.
Gods it pissed him off to no end that she was still wanting that piece of shit who just turned around and walked away from her without a word. How could he even do it? There is no way he could ever hurt her. He sighed and then froze as he stared into her green eyes. They were sad but there was something else there as she looked at him. Something that he had been trying to not see for a long, long time.
Fuck. He was as selfish as that asshole was.
He kept her at arms length because he was friends with her and he did not want to cross that line but he knew the score. He knew that her situation was something different but hell, he wanted.....
His thoughts trailed off as he spun around quickly to look out the window lest she see the confusion in his eyes. Damn. Damn. He took a deep breath and made a decision.
He turned to look at her. Saw the dried tears on her face. Felt her pain radiate towards him laced with hope.
Yes. He made his decision.

"You deserve flowers on your doorstep and coffee in the morning. You deserve notes left on your dashboard and ice cream sundaes at 3am." he said softly. He crossed the room to kneel before her, his eyes pinned to hers.

"You deserve honesty every day and to be kissed every hour. You deserve to be reminded how beautiful you are."

His hands took hers in his and he smiled gently. He thrilled that her green eyes widened at his words and the pain that had been there had been replaced with joy.

"You deserve someone who loves you just as you are at this moment and is willing to take on whatever situation you present. All because you are worth it. Worth the effort. Worth the love."

He leaned in and pressed his lips to hers in their first kiss.

Yes it was true. Fireworks did explode when one kissed their soul mate.

Fall Asleep Beside You

She was pissed she had not talked to him in a while.
They had fun the last time they were together. They were silly friends that could do anything with one another and be happy.
Now he was avoiding her and it hurt.
That night....that wild, emotional, spiritual crazy night changed everything and she wanted her buddy back in her arms.
She grabbed her phone and stared at his number.

"I am going to say whatever comes out of my mouth damn it." she said and stabbed his number to call.

Butterflies swirled around in her body and she waited for him to answer. She wanted his voicemail for she figured she would not say what was on her mind if he answered. She was a chicken for sure.
Ah, voicemail.
His voice made her shiver then she began to speak after the beep.

"FUCK! I wanna see you and hug you and kiss you and make you smile and make you laugh and just lie on the sofa next to you and then just fall asleep beside you. It'd be nice. So call me damn it."

She hung up and tossed the phone on the bed.
her whole body was trembling with fear.
What if that pissed him off and he stopped talking to her forever.
Fear sliced through her and she almost called back to apologize but then something inside said wait.

Wait and see.

My Heart Falls from the Sky

The note lay on her desk, a very empty desk and he picked it up with disbelief and read:

I have this bad habit of getting close to people and thinking that their always going to be by my side; but eventually they always leave.
I have this bad habit of loving people a little too much, when they don't even love me back; and when they leave me my heart feels like someone threw it from the sky.
I have this bad habit of caring for people, when they don't even care about me at all. Perhaps, if they saw through my eyes they'll see the scars I have deep down inside.
I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm tired. I wish feelings didn't exist.
Why do feelings exist anyway?
I always fall for everything and let it destroy me. It's my fault after all, but I still have hope that one day I find a person that shares the same bad habits as me.

He stood and looked around, wondering where she went, and then tossed the note back to the desk and walked away silent.

She needed to learn to be like other people. To harden herself against feeling but it was so hard when their emotions became hers.
Being such a strong empath made her weak when it came to her own emotions.
She knew who to love and why she loved them, even if it was not evident to others why she was in love.
She saw that under layer of the person and when it clicked with her soul she loved.
That one she loved even if others cautioned her not to.
She loved him instantly which was a shock to her very walled off cautious self.
Now a piece of her soul had chosen to walk away. To be loyal to something that was wrong.
Yet here she was still being tender towards him, understanding his choices and walking away to allow him to be as he was. Happy in his way.
Wiping tears away she slipped into her car and tossed the bag filled with her desk items.
Once glance at the building as she drove away and she closed the door.
Having it open, even for herself in her solitude, was too hard.
You are the one I love and I am saying goodbye.

She did not see him walk from the building to watch her drive away.
She did not see his concern.

What would happen next?

The same as it had always been: silence.

Never Really Had

The words on the page reverberated pain through her empty heart.

Sometimes the hardest thing to let go of is the thing you never really had.

It was true.
She never had him.
Well only for a moment he was hers. That night he was hers body, mind, heart and soul.
It brought her to her knees with the desire he had.

Then it was over.
Harshly over.
No glances. No talks. No touches. Nothing.
Strangers they had become.

In her day dreams things were different but in reality.....she never had him.
He had given his heart to someone else.
She felt that hurt for years.

What a fool she felt like for falling in love with someone who did not feel the same.
What a fanciful girl she was, thinking just because he touched her and loved her the way he did that there was something there.
Silly thing. You just wished it to be that way.
Wished it with all her heart and soul.

Then his words. His words.
Those sentences with their hidden, between the lines meanings.
She deciphered them.
Knows he cared. How much?
She had no idea but that small tidbit was enough.

The love is still there. Crazy as it is.
There is something there.
A tangible thing that is unlike anything ever experienced before.
Melodramatic as it sounds, it is true.
She was not this emotional silly girl.
She was the opposite. The stoic thing that was friendly but did not allow you too close.
And here she was still pining over someone who obviously did not wish to have anything to do with her.
She feels small. Insignificant. Lost in a love she cannot change to disdain.

It was time to be done. To be fully away for she could not take it anymore.
This was all on her shoulders. She did not push. She did not try to befriend. She did not try to talk. She left it all well enough alone.
No more glances. No more seeing one another across a room, Painfully aware of one another.

She wished for hope. She clung to it.
Thinking...maybe...just maybe things would change and there he would be.
But she could not trust that tiny sliver of hope because it always seemed to betray her.

It was time to be away. Truly and fully away.
If she did not see him she would not love him anymore.
She needed to shred her heart, leave it on the ground and go without for a while.

She is gone now.
Lost girl......out.

Quirks

He turned and glared at her as she sat there talking about all her flaws. Things that he did not see as flaws at all, she was quirky and it made her more interesting. It made him crazy to hear her do this.

"Stop." he ground out and he instantly felt bad when he saw the hurt in her eyes as he cut her off. He just could not listen to her say one more bad thing about her body or the way she seemed to always know just where to poke at him to get a response.

"Has it ever occurred to you that someone might be out there, who notices your small quirks and finds your mind as fascinating as your soul and your body?" He walked towards her, keeping his eyes on hers.
"Someone who's hands get sweaty, their heart starts racing and their breath gets shaky when you are anywhere near and they want to be closer to you but you don't realize."
He hoped his breath was not shaking.
"Because it never occurred to you that someone might be out there who wants to love your smallest quirks."

He was kneeling before her on the couch, his dark eyes intense on hers.
He watched her lick her lips, slide her palms over her legs and could see her trembling.

"Who would that person be who wants to be with outspoken, strange, quirky me?" she said shakily.

He smiled and realized he had his own quirks and this woman knew all of them. Knew them, embraced them and took them in stride.
He leaned closer, watching those gorgeous green eyes widen. He knew this was the right path, this was where he should be.
when he was a scant inch from her lips he whispered.

"That would be me."

His lips pressed to hers in a deep kiss and their racing hearts took off together.

Endless Emptiness

Her green eyes blazed with the pain and anger that had finally chosen this moment to spill forth.
She stood in that dammed parking lot staring at the man who made her feel like nothing when being something mattered.
How dare he stand here, acting nothing had ever passed between them.
With a lift of her chin she lifted a hand, cutting off his chatter about nothing.
He stood, a wariness filled his eyes.

"Do you sometimes have an aching feeling in your bones? That sinking feeling in your stomach? The endless emptiness inside your chest? That's how I felt when I was forced to stand there and see you walk away. And I hope that someday, you will also feel that."
She said and was proud her voice did not waver or crack with emotion. She sounded strong and fierce but the single tear gave away her pain.

Yes their time was short but it meant something to her. Damn him and his secrets.

She turned and walked away. Not looking back this time. Not looking back.

Your Lips

I just want to feel your lips pressed against mine,
forgetting the entire world.
Just you, me and the butterflies in my stomach.

I want to slide my hands under your shirt and feel your skin.
I want to feel your shivers against my form as my tongue traces your bottom lip.

Phones off.
TV off.
No one exists but us, the wine and the music playing in the background telling us to just love.

Forget the world.
Do the right the thing and kiss me again.
Be free within my embrace and shout your love to world.
I will hold your hand while you do it and smile wildly!

Your lips are my carnival.
Teasing, tasting, tantalizing.
I trace them with the tip of my tongue.
A small nip to your lower lip.
I smile against your lips.
"Delicious" I whisper.
Then as I revel in the ride I am on, body tight against yours, hands in your hair I receive my prize.
Your tongue slides into my mouth, your arms tighten around me and you moan with desire.
I feel the lights go off in my head and the music drifts away.

I really want to love you.
whole heartedly.
Openly.
Fiercely.
Loyally.

Through Her Eyes

   She said to me, " Look at life through my eyes," and I did but I couldn't see anything because I was surrounded by darkness.

   The darkness was all consuming and I felt as if I were being smothered by nothing. It was the strangest sensation to see nothing but the blackness of pain and one would think it would be weighty. Aren't we all going on and on about how heavy our hearts are when we are sad?
In my mind I was thinking I could be crushed by the sheer weight I saw in her eyes. It seemed to pull me downward just when I gazed into her sad, green eyes.
But in reality as I stood there staring outward to what she saw I was smothered by the vastness of the emptiness of her heart.
it was then I realized why the nothing was there.
She had to empty her heart and toss it into the nothing so she could not feel.
For once we feel then the heaviness invades us and pulls us down to our doom.
Gravity squared within our emotional maelstrom.

I had to close my eyes to come back to my own self.
I wanted to see the world through my eyes. I was alive there.
But then was I?

I looked at her small form before me and took a step back.
She was everything.
She was the sun, the moon, my air to breathe and I was hers......she was lost within her darkness because I took away her sun, her moon and her purpose to breathe.
So the nothing within her was smothering her slowly.

Weight was there. Now settling on my own heart. I did not realize what I had walked away from.

My soul.