Never Really Had

The words on the page reverberated pain through her empty heart.

Sometimes the hardest thing to let go of is the thing you never really had.

It was true.
She never had him.
Well only for a moment he was hers. That night he was hers body, mind, heart and soul.
It brought her to her knees with the desire he had.

Then it was over.
Harshly over.
No glances. No talks. No touches. Nothing.
Strangers they had become.

In her day dreams things were different but in reality.....she never had him.
He had given his heart to someone else.
She felt that hurt for years.

What a fool she felt like for falling in love with someone who did not feel the same.
What a fanciful girl she was, thinking just because he touched her and loved her the way he did that there was something there.
Silly thing. You just wished it to be that way.
Wished it with all her heart and soul.

Then his words. His words.
Those sentences with their hidden, between the lines meanings.
She deciphered them.
Knows he cared. How much?
She had no idea but that small tidbit was enough.

The love is still there. Crazy as it is.
There is something there.
A tangible thing that is unlike anything ever experienced before.
Melodramatic as it sounds, it is true.
She was not this emotional silly girl.
She was the opposite. The stoic thing that was friendly but did not allow you too close.
And here she was still pining over someone who obviously did not wish to have anything to do with her.
She feels small. Insignificant. Lost in a love she cannot change to disdain.

It was time to be done. To be fully away for she could not take it anymore.
This was all on her shoulders. She did not push. She did not try to befriend. She did not try to talk. She left it all well enough alone.
No more glances. No more seeing one another across a room, Painfully aware of one another.

She wished for hope. She clung to it.
Thinking...maybe...just maybe things would change and there he would be.
But she could not trust that tiny sliver of hope because it always seemed to betray her.

It was time to be away. Truly and fully away.
If she did not see him she would not love him anymore.
She needed to shred her heart, leave it on the ground and go without for a while.

She is gone now.
Lost girl......out.