I have finally gained the courage to write the story I need to get out of my head. It is a story based off the deepest fantasy within my soul. It is a painful story to write because the fantasy it started out to be slowly started to materialize into reality and then shattered into dust.
My expectations are what really hurt me in the end as I was the one seeking things that the other had no idea about. I blamed myself for so many things that happened and then I finally took that step back, intellectually heard what was being told to me. It was no fault. It was what it was. There never would be an 'us' a family unit that I dreamed about. It was not going to happen with this beautiful soul that entered my life. So I took the dream and shut it down.
Now once my mind has wrapped around the reality of what has happened I am grateful for the time I had. No matter how small, how short, I cherish it. I do know it would have been a magical time if the walls had come down. I now can face what I do not have. Now I can look at it, examine it and spin it into what I want. I will allow the tears to slide down my cheeks as I write those heart wrenching parts and laugh out loud where the joy is. The story will be true to my fantasy but it also will be true to life. Emotional drama, love, hot sex and lots of communication that works and some that doesn't.
It will not be easy to write this story for my heart still flutters at the thought of his lips on mine and his dark eyes staring into my soul.
I will still come here to jot down some ideas, some interesting story tidbits when I need a break from the whirlwind of fire I am walking into.
Blessed be my readers.....
No comments:
Post a Comment