The Note

  
  The note trembled in her hand as she stood staring down at it, the words tore her apart. Heart hammering she looked over her shoulder to see if he was still around but the parking lot was quiet. Her gaze went back to her car, where she found the note tucked under her windshield wiper and she wondered what in the world this meant. Should she call him? The note was open ended and she did not know what to do. She never knew what to do with this mystery of a man.

  He scared the hell out of her. He made every cell within her body ignite into a fiery ball of passion when he looked at her with those gorgeous dark eyes. Out of control emotions and silly girl like behavior was not something she had ever been prone to but goodness, this man took her apart in ways she did not understand.
She was always so afraid to say something wrong and it really pissed her off. She never bowed to a man. Never! For some reason her need to please him overtook and she acted the fool.

  A frown creased her brow and she snorted with annoyance. After all this time he dared to just plop this down on her head and for what? What in the hell does he want to do? Torment her more?
Bring her desire for him up to a wild and intoxicating place and then shut her down with excuses. Excuses that broke her heart every time as she felt she just was never good enough. Never enough.

  Her gaze dropped to the paper once again, a soft growl escaped her and she crumbled it in her hand. Unlocking the car door she slid onto the driver seat and tossed the note to the passenger seat.
Fuck this, she thought as she closed the door and started the engine.
She would not be brought to that level of wanting again to be denied. It was too hard to be set aside. To be ignored. She would not be the fool again.

  Backing out of the spot, anger ablaze within her eyes, she turned up the radio. The bass bumping within the car drowning out her thoughts as she cruised through the lot towards the road that would take her home.
Her heart had not slowed. The knot in her stomach grew larger and she felt the sting of tears behind her eyes. Anger and sorrow mixed like oil and water in her soul and it began to make her heart ache with a terrifying intensity.
Pulling off into a quiet part of the lot she turned the radio down and grabbed the note off the seat.
Tugging it open from its crumbled ball she smoothed it out on her lap reading the words he wrote once again.

"My smile, you love my smile...." she said softly and then her voice caught on a sob.
Oh damn you, how can you do this to me so easily, she thought. He was so far and deep within her and in such a short time it frightened her.

The tears fell. One by one they streamed down her cheeks as the note blurred in her vision. This was not how she wanted things to be between them. These strange silences and distance where she felt like something broken and unwanted. She just wished for him to smile, to be there even as a friend, to just be with her in some small way.

She grabbed her phone and with anxiety coiled within she called him.

"Hi. I was hoping you would call." He said softly.

His voice slid through her like white hot lightning, sending shivers of pure need and desire through her. It took the anger away and left a deep wanting that she did not want to look at too closely. It was hard to understand the level of intensity that always rose between them when they spoke so she shoved it aside.

"I wasn't looking for anyone either, not like this. But your smile did change everything within my heart and with that smile I was lost too. I also tried hard not to want and love you. But that smile and those eyes, those lovely dark eyes of yours and what I saw deep within them changed everything. And yes, even after all this time your smile and eyes still change everything..." she whispered into the phone as the tears still streamed down her face as she sat in the quiet car in the dark parking lot.