A Letter You Will Never Read

Dear Friend,

    I wish that salutation was true. I wish we were still friends.

    One day you disappeared and my heart stopped beating, my breath caught in my throat and I felt the tears begin. No warning. Nothing was said, you just left me there alone to figure out what had gone wrong again.

    I began to examine my ways. My words. My actions. I felt as if again, I had done something irreparable. Again I somehow was the one who was destroying what could have been, though I had no idea what had happened. I was left adrift to sort things out on my own, to make assumptions and then be afraid to inquire. I only wished to be your friend. I only wished to make you happy.

    I was prepared to be your shoulder to lean on. To be the one who would try to make you smile when you needed it. I only wanted to be what you needed me to be, what you could handle me to be. I understood your words in our last conversation. I accepted. I embraced only your happiness for mine is secondary when it comes to my friends. I would have been your silent partner in all of this, ready to lift you up when your hopes and dreams crumbled or to celebrate when your dreams came true.

   I know I talk too much. I know I am filled with emotion. I am but a girl with a light side and a dark side. I rode the uplifting words of our conversations and slid down the darkness of our silences. But I always tried to listen, to understand and be that person who you could call friend.
I am who I am. Lots of talk. Lots of love. Lots of overwhelming emotion at times. But I am aware and have tried to temper these things. I never got a chance to show you my new ways. To show off how good I can be in all things. You may ask why I care so much? I have no solid answer but I do know you have gotten under my skin and I could see that we could have had one hell of a friendship. A grand, crazy, let's play in the garden, swing on the swing set, drink beer while drifting on a lake kind of talk all night friendship.

  And so here I am writing a letter you will never read. Here I am lost in the what ifs of a friendship that will never be. I wish things were different but know this; I did care, I do care, and I always will care. This is how I am wired. This is how I feel. I will not apologize for it nor be ashamed for it. I am a loving soul who wanted to share her light of friendship with you.

  I ask one thing of you, of the Universe, as I slip away into the darkness.....please remember me.

 Your Friend,
    the Lost Girl


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