The Meadow *Lost Girl Series*

   Another night had passed and still she sat on that cold rock in the meadow. She was still alone with her dreams. The river flowed. The mountains rose high. The forest stood silent. The sunlight upon her face did nothing to warm her chilled soul. The backpack of her dreams laid there, a testament to her flights of fantasy and out-of-this-world ideas. A frown creased her brow as she stared at that pack filled with things that would never come true. Filled with dreams of no substance that no one seemed to be able to accept and the anger came. She jumped up from the rock, hands balled as fists at her sides and she kicked the backpack. It lifted out of the dry yellow grass to sail towards the forests edge. It landed with a dusty thump and she stalked towards it, her voice high in the cool air.

“You betrayed me. No dreams can come true for me. You are an illusion. You are an abomination!”

She kicked the pack again and it sailed into the darkness of the forest. Standing there, chest heaving from her anger she let the hot tears of sorrow, fear and loss stream down her cheeks.

“I am invisible. I am nothing. I am here alone.'"

She whispered as she sank to her knees in the meadow staring at where the pack had disappeared into the sheltering forest.

All this time she thought she had it right. All this time she thought she was right. All this time she had been fooling herself. For most of her adult life she had remained with one regardless of her wanderlust, she always remained respectful and regarded her ties with reverence. With urging from the one who protected her, they sent her outward to explore her dreams, to live life to the fullest. That one day, the one fateful day she changed her life forever. She allowed the pack of dreams to come from its resting place at the back of her closet. To dust it off, to paw through it as an eager child would with a surprise gift. She allowed herself to come out of her shell, to trust, to give herself over to those flights of fantasy. She was a child. A child of another time, another place that just did not seem to fit within this world of rigidity and that made her soul ache. Was it so hard to find a kindred spirit? Was it so hard to find someone that resonated with her? That did not look at her with whispers of condemnation? She knelt there for a while, letting the tears dry on her cheeks and then she let out a loud sigh.

“I am not a quitter.”

She said aloud to the river, to the mountains and to the forest.
With chin held high she stood, gathering the shreds of her dignity around her. Her tentative stride took her to the edge of the forest where the pack had disappeared into. The forest was not welcoming and she wanted to shy away. She wanted to duck her head in shame and allow the flaming blush on her cheeks to be a testament to her feelings. But she knew she needed to retrieve her dreams. No matter how silly or outlandish they were, they were still her dreams. Perhaps someday someone would understand them and embrace them like she did. Perhaps no one would ever do such a brave thing but she needed to have faith. She needed to know that inherently things did work out and that not all was what it seemed. With a deep breath she stepped into the forest. It was cool and silent. Her gaze searched for the pack of dreams and she saw it nestled against the trunk of a tall pine tree. She approached the pack warily as she worried she was going to be punished for being within the forest. Quickly she grabbed the pack, slung it over a shoulder and strode quickly out of the trees back to her rock.

She sat the pack on her knees, unzipping it quickly to look inside. All her dreams were there. They were battered. They were bruised but then what dreams did not go through this? Zipping the pack closed she set it on the ground beside the rock. Her gaze went to the river and she sighed softly with sadness. She needed to hang on to her dreams. She needed to remember she needed no one to validate them or her. She needed only to trust in herself. She was a good, loving person who only had good intentions at heart. Who only wanted to love and to be loved, what was the harm in that?

Night was coming again and her sorrow filled her soul.

She knelt there in the cold dry grass of the meadow; sobbing for all that she had lost and would never know when a howl cut through the air. She instantly went still hearing the wolf howl in the distance.
The memories of the wolves stalking her on the mountain top came to her and she became wary. Her gaze went around the forest edge, sensing no movement and then to the river where she saw nothing as well. Then to her right a dark shape moved between the trees and she froze. She would fight; yes she would for she would not go down without taking one of those stalking predators down with her. A hand slid to her belt, fisting around the knife she always kept with her. Let them come. Let them come and try to take her.
A soft growl emitted from her throat as she saw the black wolf slip out from between two trees and face her across the meadow. Head low, tail down it padded closer, blue eyes watching her warily. Her own green gaze watched each movement of the wolf and she wondered where the rest of the pack was but she saw no other movement as she quickly scanned the forest edge. Chin rising she stood, knife in hand, ready to battle for her life it need be. The black wolf, coat thick and shiny with health, blue eyes flicking to her own then away slinked closer. Its head was down; tail tucked between its legs and a soft whine was heard as it moved closer. She tilted her head, very aware that the posture of the wolf was submissive to her but she remained wary. She remained in her crouch but when the wolf came to her it sank to the ground and then rolled. Tongue lolling out as it grinned up at her, tail thumping on the ground. Surprise washed through her at the majestic animal lying on its back at her feet, vulnerable belly exposed. It trusted her to not impale it. It trusted her not to hurt it. It trusted her to trust it. She reached down with the hand that did not hold the knife and slid her fingers through the soft fur of the wolf’s belly. A smile touched her lips as the fine, soft hair slid through her fingers. The wolf whined and its tail thumped harder on the ground as if to say, pet more. A sliver of hope washed through her as she knelt beside the wolf, knife falling to the ground and both hands buried themselves in the black fur. The wolf rolled to snuggle closer to her, tongue licking at her cheek and she finally felt some warmth slip into her soul.

She was still alive. She was still here. She was still wanted. She stood wondering if the wolf would follow and so she scooped up her knife, tucked it away and headed to her rock. She sat down and the wolf settled beside her. His eyes stared up at her, blue as the fall sky, and she had to smile. Her hand slid over the soft fur of the wolf’s head and he pressed against her leg and she draped an arm around him. They both sat still watching the sun go down in companionable silence.