Time to work and here I am ready to answer some hard questions on my need for approval.
How does the
need for approval manifest itself? I think it comes from the situations that do not come out as I want them to. I have dreams, desires and wants that seem to always fall short.
I ran across some traits about those who need approval from others. I whittled the list down to the ones that fit me and those I will address in my work. Some of these are very difficult for me to even admit to. I am a strong person who can get quite the chip on her shoulder. Admitting to weakness is hard for me as I had to be the 'strong protective' one as I grew up with older, disabled parents. I find I have issues from my childhood I need to stare down and deal with.
*Depend on others to give them a sense of self-worth.
*Avoid conflict because of the fear that the "other'' will not approve of their point of view.
*Work hard at keeping "peace at any price'' in a relationship.
*Are "People Pleasers'' doing, acting and being for others what they think the others want.
*Have a problem letting others know how they think or feel about things.
*Have a tendency to be "over-responsible,'' taking on the responsibility of others (children, spouse, co-workers) in order to get things done.
*Lack self-confidence in their skills, abilities and knowledge. They tend to see themselves as "incompetent.''
*Do anything to avoid hurting the feelings of others, even if it means swallowing their own feelings or denying the reality of things.
*Fear rejection, neglect, abandonment and disapproval so much that they give up their own wants, needs and rights subjecting themselves to the wants, needs and whims of others.
*Have a keen sense of obligation and act on this sense in all aspects of their life.
*Suffer from "paralysis of analysis'' and fret so much over what the possible consequences of a decision will be that they never make a decision or take a "stand.''
*Are convinced no matter what they do it "isn't good enough'' to gain approval so they either work harder or give up.
So how I ask the question: Why Does the Need for Approval Exist? Here I will answer the questions of why I am the way I am.
*Denial that there are any problems in their families of origin or in their current nuclear families, yet they cannot get enough affirmation of current self-worth.
*Dependent personalities and a need for others' affirmation.
I ran across some traits about those who need approval from others. I whittled the list down to the ones that fit me and those I will address in my work. Some of these are very difficult for me to even admit to. I am a strong person who can get quite the chip on her shoulder. Admitting to weakness is hard for me as I had to be the 'strong protective' one as I grew up with older, disabled parents. I find I have issues from my childhood I need to stare down and deal with.
*Depend on others to give them a sense of self-worth.
*Avoid conflict because of the fear that the "other'' will not approve of their point of view.
*Work hard at keeping "peace at any price'' in a relationship.
*Are "People Pleasers'' doing, acting and being for others what they think the others want.
*Have a problem letting others know how they think or feel about things.
*Have a tendency to be "over-responsible,'' taking on the responsibility of others (children, spouse, co-workers) in order to get things done.
*Lack self-confidence in their skills, abilities and knowledge. They tend to see themselves as "incompetent.''
*Do anything to avoid hurting the feelings of others, even if it means swallowing their own feelings or denying the reality of things.
*Fear rejection, neglect, abandonment and disapproval so much that they give up their own wants, needs and rights subjecting themselves to the wants, needs and whims of others.
*Have a keen sense of obligation and act on this sense in all aspects of their life.
*Suffer from "paralysis of analysis'' and fret so much over what the possible consequences of a decision will be that they never make a decision or take a "stand.''
*Are convinced no matter what they do it "isn't good enough'' to gain approval so they either work harder or give up.
So how I ask the question: Why Does the Need for Approval Exist? Here I will answer the questions of why I am the way I am.
*Denial that there are any problems in their families of origin or in their current nuclear families, yet they cannot get enough affirmation of current self-worth.
*Dependent personalities and a need for others' affirmation.
*Been driven compulsively to seek approval from any source for any "good''
they do as a learned role from their families of origin.
*Felt they were "misfits'' as children, "different,'' not in the "social swing'' of things.
*Been stuck on fantasy "role models'' of what it means to be a "good'' adult, spouse, parent or worker. These role models are often unrealistic, idealistic, and too perfect ever to be emulated. Such role models can come from TV, movies, books or any fantasized real-life situation.
*Felt they were "misfits'' as children, "different,'' not in the "social swing'' of things.
*Been stuck on fantasy "role models'' of what it means to be a "good'' adult, spouse, parent or worker. These role models are often unrealistic, idealistic, and too perfect ever to be emulated. Such role models can come from TV, movies, books or any fantasized real-life situation.
I am going to work on all of these items in my blog in between the writing I will be doing.
It is time I focused inward and know I am ok as I am. I do not need to constantly put it out there to get people to say hey good job. What has to happen is I am the one who pats my own back to say good job girl. You rock.
Below is the link to the entire article I took the prompts above from. A very interesting site with a lot of great information.It is time I focused inward and know I am ok as I am. I do not need to constantly put it out there to get people to say hey good job. What has to happen is I am the one who pats my own back to say good job girl. You rock.
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