What I Want I Can't Get

She sat at the bar staring into the glass of beer before her.
Lost in her memories she did not notice the person sit beside her.

"What can I get you?" the bartender asked and she vaguely heard a male voice say.

"Whatever she has if it's draft."

"You got it." the bartender said and moved away.

The voice was unmistakable and with a shiver within her soul and a pounding heart she looked at the man seated next to her.
Her green gaze met a dark one that was pinned to her with a deep intensity.

A grip. She needed to get one right now. Their last talk was not what she wanted to hear but she did not break the friendship, he did. So with a lift of her chin she said.

"What are you doing here?"

One dark brow arched. "It's a public bar so I thought I would come have a drink."

"Right next to me. Yeah right. What do you want." she said as the sorrowful anger took over.

He shook his head and slid the money to the bartender as the beer was set down. He took a drink of his beer and silence settled between them for a moment.

Good Goddess what the fuck did he want from her. Not only did she make a fool of herself with him she even went all understanding after she was told he loved someone else. Fuck what do I do now.
A sigh ripped forth and she turned to him.

"What." she growled.

He shook his head, not looking at her and took another drink of his beer.

"Asshole" she whispered and grabbed her beer. She was out of here and as she started to slide off the stool his hand came to capture hers.

"You are just too emotional." he said as he held her hand and stared at her.

"What? What the fuck did you say?" her whole body shook with the emotions that were ripping through her. The humiliation of being taken advantage of, the pain of losing someone you fell in love with and the fear that she was going to hear more things she did not want to hear. Her battered little heart could not take anymore. Goddess please.

"You are emotional and so am I." He said softly watching her closely. His hand remained on hers, tightly holding her in place.
"I know what happened, I was there too and I am sorry. I did not mean for all this to happen but you were...." he paused, shook his head and then said as he stared into his eyes. "You were not what I expected."

She stood staring at him, the anger flowing out of her, deflating her like a used up balloon. Her heart still hammered within her and something so scary began to build; hope.

"I thought I could take you for one night. Experience your beauty and sweetness and then we would just be friends. I did not expect all the emotions from myself. I should have never touched you while I was with someone else but I just could not help it. I wanted you...I still want you..." he trailed off and looked at the floor.
"I did not plan to love you." his dark gaze lifted to meet her green one which was filled with shock.

But she knew that other person was in his life still. That person she did not know about when she went around pursuing this gorgeous, sexy man. She could remember the need she had to touch him, kiss him, and the way his very voice ignited something within her soul she just could not understand. Perhaps she just did not want to understand it for it meant too much, something deep and unexplainable. A wild connection that she felt lasted for a millennia.

She took a deep breath and said softly.
"I always want the things I can't get and that's why I still love you."

His eyes widened and she pulled her hand from his gently.

"I think I will always love you." she said past the lump in her throat and then turned to flee the bar.
She needed to drive. To forget. To not hope.
Hope was cruel. She wanted him to be with her. To love her.
But he made his choice, no matter his feelings for her.
She did not wish him ill will at all, she wished him happiness.
She just wished she was the one making him happy.