I Hope

He grasped her hands in his, trying to ignore the tears that streamed down her pretty face. This girl, no this woman was someone he wished he had not yet met. He wished he met her years from now when he had grown up to something that she could hold on to. Hell, grown to someone who could hold on to her. He loved her so much but he had to let her go for her own good and his. He held back his emotions, his fear of letting the best thing ever to walk into his life walk out of it.

"I hope that one day you buy every pretty dress you've ever wanted. I hope you wear them and dance barefoot in the summer and laugh." He said softly, squeezing her hands in his. Keeping her attention on him so he could try to calm her down.

"I hope you smile at all the little things, like flowers, and the laughter of children. I hope you get that tattoo you've always wanted. I hope you learn to speak French fluently. I hope you go to Paris and every single state in the US." he kept going so that she could not interrupt.

"I hope you never stop singing, even when people tell you can't - in fact, especially then. That's when  I hope you'll sing the loudest. I hope you buy a bracelet everywhere you go until your whole arm is filled with them."
He smiled gently at her and was relieved to see those tears had stopped. He could see she was watching him intently now.

"I hope you stop beating yourself up about everything that's out of your control. " He lifted one hand to push and errant strand of hair from her wet cheek.
"I hope you have the guts to speak up when something is important to you. I hope you step out of your comfort zone."

His heart constricted thinking of his next words but he continued.
"I hope you fall insanely in love with someone unexpected. I hope you forget about your scars - inside and out - and learn to be happy."

He leaned close and kissed her gently. She was very still and quiet, those green eyes watching him with sadness. Before she could say something witty or profound to make him stay with her and ruin her life he turned to walk away.
Then he paused and turned to look at her.

"Most of all I hope you remember that you are amazing and you made me a better person. Remember, joy is on your side, take it for granted."

With that he steeled his heart and turned his back on the one woman he loved more than anything in this world. He needed to get her away from his poison, he needed to get away from it as well.
He would fix himself. He would get right in the head and maybe, just maybe, he would give her a call and see if they could at least be friends.

He would miss her very much but he was lucky to have had her in his life.