Wish I Had Never Met You

The wind howled outside and as she glanced out the window she could see the black storm clouds rolling in from the north. They seemed to tower like black gates to some hellish place where no one wished to be. With that thought thunder rolled out and she knew tonight would be quite active with this storm.
Good, she thought as she turned back to the paper under her hand, it suits my mood.
My dark, sad, self pitying mood.

Her fingertip trailed over the white, lined paper that sat empty staring at her.
Memories came and she sighed softly.
She wished she had more time. She wished she could have said all that she wanted to say but fear kept her from it. She worried so much about other people that she mostly forgot about herself. Then she ended up with these unresolved feelings within her to sort out.

Oh how she wished things had been different. How she wished to kiss him one more time.
That thought brought a lump to her throat and she lifted her chin to force herself not to cry.
She was so tired of crying over what she is being told is nothing. He did not care for her. He proved it with his actions so get over it girl.
She slapped her hand down hard on the blank paper and in response the storm rolled out another thunderous crash.

Glaring at the paper she grabbed a pen and began to write.

I wish that I had never met you.
Then there would be no need to impress you. No need to want you. No need for loving you.
No need for crying over you. No need for heartbreaks. No need for pain or tears.
No need for forgotten promises. No need for rejected hugs. No need for crying myself to sleep.
NO need for acting like you care.
NO NEED for everything you've done to make me feel like absolutely nothing.

She threw the pen down on her desk and swiped at the tears as she looked at what she had written.
She realized that all those words were said with self pity and pain. She truly did not mean them but her pain made her think so.
"But if I had never met you I would not have the sweetest memories. Your kisses. The way you looked at me with such desire. The feel of your hair between my fingers. The way you smile when amused. All of those things make up you and that I would miss. It may hurt to remember. It may hurt to wish for more. But...really....I am grateful I met you and was able to have even the smallest piece of you."

She whispered softly into the quiet room.

Taking up the paper she crumbled it up and tossed it into the trash.
The storm was still swirling outside and she decided she would face it alone and with courage.