I Will Be There

She sighed softly and stared at the computer screen.
He was having a bad day. It was easy to see in the conversation they were having.
It seemed to be a low point for him and there was not a whole lot she could do to bring him out of this dark place.

Of course, there were things she wished to do.
Run her hand over his cheek and whisper that all will be well.
Wrap her arms around him and just hug him. Soothing him with gentle strokes of her hands over his back, smoothing away the tension.
Kiss him until he could only focus on her taste.
Make love to him to erase the worries from his soul and remind him that he is deserving of love.

All of those things she could not do outside her dreams, but she could at least try to soothe his soul.
Her mind was always full of her day dreams and wishes.
She knew where the line was for them and she would not cross it.
Unless invited.
So until that magical day she said,

"In your dark days, just turn around and I will be there.
And maybe I won't have any more light to give than what you already have.
But I will take your hand and we will find the light together."

There's a Moment

There's a moment
between a glance and a kiss where the world stops,
for the briefest of times and the only thing between us
is the anticipation of your lips on mine.
A moment
so intense it hangs in the air.
As it pulls us closer
a moment
so perfect that when it comes to an end
we realize it's only just beginning.

Eyes meeting for longer than a second
souls are revealed.
A moment
where a connection is formed.
A tenuous thread
that binds us together.
Closer we are drawn
to one another.

I can feel the heat
of our skin bouncing off one another.
My fingertips slide over
your arm and I shiver for you.
Your thumb
glides over my bottom lip.
Anticipation
thrills through my veins.
A moment
then it all changes.

Your lips possess mine
in a kiss that steals the breath from my soul.
The world tilts
and we only know each other.
Intoxicated
high on the wild sensations that rip through us both.
Arms tugging
each other closer.
We wish to meld.
To be one.
Feel it all.
Taste more.
Go deeper.

Lost in a Kiss

I didn't think stopping at the grocery store could be so entertaining.
I guess it would be when I have this little slip of a woman throwing bags of chips into the cart like a pro basketball player.
When one missed the cart and slid down the aisle she just laughs, snatches it up and tosses it back on the shelf with a muttered, we don't want that one.
Laughing she rode the cart down to the other end of the chip aisle and waved me onward.
Always an adventure with this little one.
She made me smile. Nothing could bring my mood up better than her. Her smile was contagious and she was the sweetest thing I had ever known. Heart bigger than Texas and she would drown you in compassion then give you mouth to mouth to revive you for more.
Laughing and joking they walked out of the store together.
This was a good thing. They needed to spend this time together. I had been avoiding it but damn it all, I missed her so much and I truly relaxed around her.

Into the house they tumble with all the bags going to the kitchen counter.
A night of movies with lots of beer and snacks. It will be great.
Damn, those jeans she had on tonight were his favorite. They hugged every curve.

She paused staring up at him and he froze.

"Like what you see?" She said playfully as she smiles up at him.

"Yes, I do. Always have." he says softly

"Good." she said and then she was pressing her small form against his body.

She puts her hands on either side of my face and the room falls away.
I have never gotten so lost in a kiss before. And then, the space between us explodes.
My heart keeps missing beats and my hands cannot bring her close enough to me.
I taste her and realize I have been starving.
I have loved before but it didn't feel like this.
I have kissed before, but it didn't burn me alive.
Maybe it lasts a minute, and maybe it's an hour.
All I know is that kiss, and how soft her skin is when it brushes against mine and that even if I did not know it until now, I have been waiting for this person forever.

Hidden Away

Childhood was filled with fantasies and inward playmates.
I found myself standing on the edge of the world, watching everyone grow, learn and do the things that were meant to be done in the here and now. While I stood, day dreaming of dragons, true love and forests as large as the imagination.
Time passed and I found that I needed to step into the real world.
Needed to learn to be what I had to be to survive.
I hid my world. I quieted my mind and kept my special place safe in case I needed to visit to feel the sheer joy of pure understanding once again.

I found that my fantasy place where my dragons breathed fire to cook my dinner and people loved one another freely without censure clashed with the reality world that I physically resided in.
I had to hide my flights of fancy as they had no place in the harsh hustle and bustle of this world.
It was useless to find soul mates who understood those wild corners of my mind so I learned to morph into what was acceptable.
Though I still was outcast.
Standing on the sidelines watching people run to and fro.
People lived for the things of the time and could not understand where I came from.
Who I truly am was hidden away.

I long for a place where I can set out the trinkets of my world and have curious passerby's stop to admire the creativity and beauty I have displayed.
To be able to sit over coffee and discuss the deeper workings of the mind, soul and spirit.
To hold hands with a lover and just watch the river flow by in silence feeling content and complete.
Sitting on soft pillows, scented candles, with shelves of books to read and discuss.
My lover would lay their head in my lap while we talked as the clouds floated by on a summer day as dusk approached. All was safe and wonderful.
My words would be heard. They would make sense.
My fondest dream would come true
I would be seen for who I really am and loved for it.

Never on the Same Page

She was never on the same page as the people around her
Sometimes ahead, sometimes behind,
always in a different chapter sometimes even in a completely different book.

Voices collided around her in a cacophony of sound but she could not keep up.
All of the laughter of things she could not understand.
She tried, oh Goddess, she tried but she fell behind.
Her mind would wander to something that was deeper, darker than what everyone around her was spilling forth.

A comment from her would not fit in. Silence. Stares. Then she would laugh nervously and step back.

Always on the edge.

Daydreamer.
Night writer.

Sleepwalker.

A quick learner she pulled her cards close to her chest.Quieted down and watched.

Her book was filled with chapters of fantasy that brought a smile to her face.

Coffee in the mornings.
Blankets warm. Snuggles on the couch while the fire crackles cheerily nearby and the silence is only broken by the turning of the pages they would read together.
Snow would fly and it would not matter for the warmth within was all that was needed.
Sunshine in the afternoons that took one outside into the forest to explore.
Simple. Quiet. Accepting.

On the fringe again she ducked her head feeling the corner of loneliness tug her backwards.
She had to fight. She did not want to go back to being lost in her mind. She wanted to be with everyone. She wanted to be funny again. To get the joke. To be able to tell the joke.

Strength was waning for she may win some battles the war was wearing her thin.

For once she wanted to win.
Wanted the blue ribbon.
To touch her fantasy and sigh with relief that it is real.
No more ghosts.

Lack of Inbetween

She sighed softly as she stared out the window at the wind pulling the fall leaves from the trees. She watched their spiraling path down to the grass that still remained green. The yellow of the leaves against the grass was startling. Both so vibrant but at the end of their lifespan as winter approached.
Normally she felt joy at the change in season but this time, her heart was not in it. Her soul seemed muted and quiet. She had troubles on the mind. Troubles she created herself and now had to unravel.

Many times in the past when she was faced with this sort of thing. She would tug and chew on the problem till it became a maelstrom in her head.
Her heart would race, dire predictions of losing and pain would spin around till she could not sleep or eat.
Today, she sat numb. A flit of worry here and there would come but mostly, there was nothing.
She was tired. Emotionally tired of wanting something so much that would not ever be.
The signs were there and she had to understand the situation.
Knowing the truth in her mind but getting her heart to understand was an entirely different matter.
She was working on it though. She had it in hand.
Never would she inflict herself on anyone in a manner they did not wish for and that was her down fall.
Her bruised little heart with its wants, fits of desire and painful squeezes of disappointment.

She knew things about herself. Things she used to be not proud of but as she came to understand herself better she knew her intentions were always good. Always out of caring and love.
She knew this about herself:
She loves deep and fast. With all of herself, or not one bit.
She'll give people all of her light, in turn struggle to understand when they don't pay that back.
She wants you to think she can't be hurt, but truth is, she gets hurt easier than most.
She is fierceness and tenderness within the same breath.
This is her beauty.
In her total lack of in between.

She knew she was doing alright. She know all would be alight. There were just moments where she needed to sit and stare out the window lost in daydreams of what could be.
No harm in that was there?
She kept her thoughts to herself. Stood in front of the world with her happy smile plastered on her face cause never would she worry those who cared for her.
That would hurt her even more. To know she put pain on someone she loved.
She would handle it inside. The heart would learn what the mind knew. They would fight for a little while longer, then the battle would be over.
Scarred and beaten down, her little heart would go back to it's place in her chest and continue to beat.
It would continue to love and admire those around her for that is what she was built to do.
Others hard it harder than her. Compassion was her soul.

She sighed again as a brisk breeze tugged more yellow leaves to fall to the grass.
Her heart thumped hard against her chest in a bit of pain. She pushed it down and watched the remaining leaves on the tree hang on.

This Way

He stood staring at the oncoming storm. This one was going to be a bad one and he bet it brought a ton of snow with it. Damn he hated winter.
A sight escaped him and he walked back into the house.
He felt his phone buzz in his pocked and he fished it out.
There was a text from her and he could not help the thrill of pleasure that washed through him.
Her texts were always something fun or interesting.
There was a funny joke there waiting for him and he had to laugh out loud.
He shook his head as he texted her back, telling her how funny that was and how fitting.
The phone pushed aside on the counter he watched the first flakes fall outside.
He shook his head, still chuckling at her silliness.  She could get a smile out of him anywhere and at anytime.
He thought about the situation and then sighed. Damn. Why did it have to be this way.
She was different, the same and then out of this world all at the same time.
It drove him crazy but he secretly loved it.

She had this way about her, that made you feel like loving her would be the best mistake you'd ever make. There are women who come neatly wrapped in plastic, with not one single hair out of place. Who speak properly through veneered smiles and perfect poses.
And then there's her.
She bit her nails, and spoke too candidly for anyone thin skinned. She held her liquor and would always be the type to pay for her own drinks. A mess of a girl Like wine on a white dress, or weathered books. Beautiful. But not perfect. An outlier, always against the current and found the most attractive  qualities were someones intellect and passion. That kind of beauty rarely fades. She had this way about her, that made you want to break the rules and reminded you that some mistakes are worth making. She just had this way about her that made you feel like it was all worth it.

He closed his eyes and got lost in thought.

Things That Make You Happy

They sat in a booth next to a window that over looked a river
Trees stood all around the small diner and they were almost alone in their quiet corner of the bustling place.
The remnants of breakfast were all around them and they sat comfortably sipping coffee.
Their conversations were always something to be heard.
Jumping from one topic to another without pause. Lots of laughter and serious frowns as one concentrated on the topic at hand.

Her green eyes sparkled and she leaned forward.
"Tell me somethings that make you happy," she said smiling at him.

"Like what?" he asked.

"Anything - just whatever comes to your head. Close your eyes and just say things."

"OK. A coast highway. Coffee in paper cups. Autumn sunlight. Old people who know things. Handwritten letters. A string of lights between the trees. And...." he said, opening his eyes to look at her.

"And what?"

"And you."

Her cheeks reddened and she ducked her eyes away from his.

"Really?" her gaze peeked up at him through lowered lashes.

"Yeah, I really like that string of lights out there on the patio. Wish they were on though. That would be even better than how they look now." he said, trying not to grin at her with teasing in his blue eyes.

She swatted his arm and laughed.

"You are so bad. You know what I meant!" she laughed.

He caught her hand in his, brought it to his lips, pressing a kiss gently to the palm while his eyes never left hers.

"You are my smile, my happiness. All of those other things make me happy when I am experiencing them with you." he said still holding her hand.

"You are so amazing." she breathed and then leaned across the table.

He met her halfway and soon their lips pressed to one another in a gentle, loving kiss.

That Delicate Balance

It's that delicate balance she craves.
A sweet heart that beats inside a man who'll force her against walls and doors and likes the feel of her hair wrapping in his hand.

To watch such a man you will see strength radiating from him as he goes about his day.
He is sure of who he is and his confidence draws gazes to wander his tall form.
But his blue eyes would settle to the one in the room that he craved.
He would seek out her green eyes and the gentleness in his blues would make her smile sweetly.
Always would be make sure she was alright. Keeping her smiling and feeling safe.
She knew where she stood in his world on the outside as well as on the inside.
She would attend to him making him feel comfortable, adored and happy.

Later when they were alone a soft moan of pleasure would slip from between her lips as his hand tangled in her hair bared her throat for his attention.
Her small form would be pressed against the wall while his larger frame dominated.
Showed her who she belonged to and she willingly submitted to the desire and love she felt for him.
She would wipe the worries of the day from his brow, kiss the stress from his mind and stroke his body till he felt the release of all that troubled him.

They loved one another.
Without apology. With out approval.

Where Do We Begin

As she pulled into the parking spot she glanced around to see if he had arrived.
No sign of him, so she turned off the motor and sat staring across the parking lot.
He seemed pretty happy to go out again and that did bring her spirits up but the doubt within her was smothering her joy.
She wished she could just focus on what was present in the moment now and not want more.
There were so many things she wanted; his kiss, his touch, the late night texts that showed that he cared deeply for her, and more than anything the laughter they shared to be free anywhere at anytime.
But so much stood in the way of this dream and it broke her heart to think he would not even consider the options. Relationships like she had did work out with a lot of communication and caring.
She knew that he had probably never even heard of this sort of thing or he had and this was against his ways.
Then there was the simple fact she really had no clue what he thought of her.
It could be as simple as he saw her only as a friend, not as a girl he would want to be with physically. Maybe she was too chunky, too old, too something that he could not get past.
A spear of fear stabbed through her stomach at that thought. That it could really be as simple as that. No attraction.

"Goddess, I need to stop this shit." She muttered and then she sat up straighter as he heard his bike coming down the road.

He pulled into a stall next to her car and her heart just simply flipped over in her chest at the sight of him.
Damn, he was so sexy. Goddess, I am so lost in him. she thought sadly.

A soft sigh escaped her then she mentally slapped herself to get the happy on cause that is what he deserved. A happy friend to greet him not some petulant child who is having a tantrum over not getting her way.

They enjoyed their drinks and chatter. They always did. Their conversation flowed so easily as it had the first day they had met.
Those blue eyes of his struck a chord deep within and she was drawn to him as helpless as a moth to a flame.
He had to think of her in some pleasant way as he did go out of his way to be with her.
If she was upset, he did care and tried to make her smile again.
But then, these are just the actions of a friend. Simply a friend doing what a friend does.
To ask her out on a date. That is an act of a potential lover.
To sit close to her. That is a showing of interest.
To touch her face and stare into her eyes. That is the pathway to intimacy.
They did not have that. She wished for it. Good hell she did.

As they reached their vehicles he paused and said, "Hey, something is on your mind and I was hoping you would have mentioned it inside but you didn't. What's up?"

Her heart almost flew out of her chest and she felt the fear rise in her once again.
Damn this man had her number. He always knew when she was upset or something was on her mind that was a big deal.
If she said what was on her mind she could lose him as her friend.
He could see this as an awkward thing and step back.
Good hell. What to do.
She looked into his eyes and saw a worried frown touching his brow.
Something inside her snapped in this moment. She was tired of worrying about how everyone else felt. How she had to tiptoe around people to make them comfortable.
She could say things. She could talk. She could tell him how she felt.
Damn it, she would, even if her voice shook.

"Actually I do have something to say. I have been afraid to say this because I don't want our friendship to be affected. But I need to get this off my chest. So please, don't pull away once you hear me out. Please, talk to me. Tell me your thoughts. Ok?" She said and her voice did shake.

"Of course. Never worry about talking to me. Never. I will always hear you.I'm not going anywhere." He said, that concerned furrow still there on his brow.

She nodded and tried to keep calm but her heart was fluttering wildly so she just began to speak with a trembling voice.

"I don't know where I stand with you and I don't know what I mean to you. All I know is every time I think of you, I want to be with you. "

She took a breath, her eyes still on him, but he had not moved. He said nothing.
Good hell and then the anger slipped into her soul and the fear receded.
It was all or nothing now.

"I know we are friends. I know I mean something to you or you wouldn't be here. But damn, there are times when I wish we talked more outside of weekdays. I wish I was on your mind on a Saturday afternoon when you are working on the bike. I feel like a weekday thing that has been categorized because of my situation. I feel like you are sending me a message that you are not interested any further than what we have now."

Another deep breath and she said the words she had been holding in for so long.

"I fell for you months ago and I wish to be with you in some fashion. Show you that you are loved, you are worth the effort and not just an acquired taste. That you are a wonderful, intelligent and sexy man that I love. I know the situation is different but damn it can work. well, that is if you even feel that way for me and you may not cause I may not be your cup of tea."

She shut her mouth as she realized she was starting to sound slightly unhinged and hysterical.
There went the bravado, she thought.

The silence hung for a few moments and she closed her eyes feeling weak. Her heart was pounding so hard in her body she could hardly hear anything past the sound of her own fear.

"Little one, look at me." he said softly.

She jumped a little as his fingertips touched her cheek and her eyes flew open to see his concerned blues staring down into her green eyes.

Oh dear, what would he say now?

To be continued......

Letter to my Soulmate

My Dear,

I have something to tell you.
I need you to read this with your mind open to all possibilities.
The situation is unique, yes. You want to find someone your way, in your 'setting'.
I have to say how's that working for you? (Gotta love a Dr Phil-ism)
Perhaps it's time to realize that there is another path to travel
It may go against all you have learned through life.
You might have shaken some of those beliefs loose but some still remain.
Shake the rest loose! Throw aside caution. Take a chance!

I value you. I see you. I recognized you immediately.
I saw your soul the moment our eyes met.
You know it. I saw the recognition in your eyes as well.
You are what I have been missing.
All aged soul and strength and smooth as silk.
Not many out there can handle what you are. A warrior with fire in your veins.
You need a warrior woman to stand beside you who welcomes your fire and does flinch away from battle.
You need that same woman to be soft and love you as you deserve.
I am that woman.

Your soulmate is not someone that comes into your life peacefully.It is who comes to make you question things, who changes your reality, somebody that marks a before and after in your life.
It is not the human being everyone has idealized, but an ordinary person, who manages to revolutionize your world in a second.

You are my soulmate for you have stepped on my toes, changed my opinion on things,made me back down and showed me a wonderful world I never realized existed.

I want to rock your world. Revolutionize your heart. Make you understand why it never has worked out with anyone else.

Falling for You

She sauntered past him and grinned.
His blue eyes narrowed and that little half smile touched his lips.
Damn, that was one hell of a panty melting smirk.
She flipped her hair over her shoulder and kept walking. Knowing his eyes were trained on her ass.
He loved the jeans she was wearing, especially with her boots. She had caught his eyes traveling over her curves more than once.
That always made her smile.

When she came back by a few moments later he would not even look at her.
Ah we are playing the game today.
He should know better than this, I always win, she thought as she walked back to her desk.

Later she was standing in the parking lot and mulled over the day.
She put on the brave face everyday. The flirt. The act like she does not care deal but she did care. So much that her heart squeezed in pain.
This was a rare time for them for he did not seem to want to come spend time alone with her anymore and it hurt.
She hoped her instincts were right because tonight she was just going to tell him how she felt.
Damn the consequences. It was time to let the lioness loose.
If he could not handle her truth, her love, and walked away.
His loss.

Her thoughts were cut short as she watched him pull up beside her car.
Great Goddess the man had her number.
Such strength in the man. So sexy with the way he moved as he stepped out of his vehicle.
He was soft spoken most of the time. Such a contradiction to the towering strength he was.

He grinned at her as he pulled off his sunglasses and damn, if she did not melt right there.
Goodness, he made her hot.

"Hey there." She said with a cheeky grin.
He grinned back at her as he stepped up beside her.

"How are you?" he said softly as he looked down at her.

"Good but I do want to talk to you before we go in."

"Alright." he said. His smile had vanished but there was a dark curiosity in his eyes. She knew he was wary of her. She knew her situation was different but hell, give it a shot before you condemn it.

She took a deep breath, her insides trembling at the fear she felt.
This was it, she would tell him and then let fate take it from there.

"I wanted to tell you a truth. Something that I have to say out loud for it has been burning inside me for such a long time. It has created walls within myself and had me acting all kinds of crazy." her gaze met his and he had grown very still.
His eyes were intense now.

Speak the truth even if your voice shakes.

She rushed on in a shaky voice.

"I fell for you months ago. I knew you were special and here I am wanting you to know this. Know that I feel so much love for you that there are days I drown in it. I have not said anything because of my situation. You called it unique and understood but never asked me anything about it. How it worked or what sorts of relationships I have had."

She paced a little but he had not moved. Her heart was pounding but she continued.

"I over thought all of it. went to dark places. Went to places of light and love. Then I realized I needed to just love you without expectation. That is where I am. I am telling you this because I love you and do not expect you to love me back. I hope you do cause...." she laughed nervously "That would be perfectly amazing."

He still had not moved nor said a word. Those blue eyes of his watched her intently.
The fear began to crawl up her spine and she felt the dread settle into her stomach.
Oh hell, oh hell.....he does not feel the same. Oh hell.
Her heart began to pound and the panic crept into her mind.

Suddenly he stepped closer. Towering over her small form she looked up into his eyes with hope and worry swirling around in her green eyes.

His fingers reached up to slide over her cheek then over her jaw. His eyes became gentle, filled with wonder and what she prayed was something deeper.

"I fell for you too little one. I just slipped and fell. Scared the hell out of me cause I can't have you like I want you. I have no idea what to do here." he said softly, his hand now cupping her cheek as he watched her.

Her courage took over and she placed her hand over his and said.

"Falling for you was like falling down the stairs. I was in complete control at first, then without warning I was spinning, tumbling and had no idea why or how.
Then, before I even knew what happened, I lay at the bottom; shocked, stunned and so oddly aware that I still ended up exactly where I was trying to go."

That panty melting smile appeared on his face.
"Did you get hurt laying there at the bottom?"

"For a moment cause I thought I fell alone." she said feeling breathless.

"Nah, you didn't fall alone. I fell alongside you. Guess we need to start this at the bottom and climb back up."
He said the words softly as he leaned down towards her.

Great Goddess, he was going to kiss her and she knew the moment his lips touched hers she would com bust into flame.

Lips touched and the world fell away from them both. Arms wrapped around each other. Clinging tight. Feeling heartbeats racing in each others chests.
They knew they could climb those stairs back to the top without an issue.
Hell, they would sprint upwards to pleasure!

I'm Waiting For You

I'm waiting for you to fucking demand it of me,
I don't want you to ask, and I sure as hell don't want you to beg.
I want you to fucking demand that I kiss  you.

I want your hands tangled in my hair as you drag me against your body.
Your strength, your desire, I want to feel it in how tight you hold my hair and how your blue eyes will blaze with need.

When our lips touch for the first time it will be an explosion. We will melt into one another.
We will soon see that we need more.
We need to be closer.
Deeper.

In this moment I will want to sink to my knees in supplication.
To show you I am yours. No one else matters.
No one can turn my head from you.

Take me as your gaze sliding over me demands.
Make me yours.

Close to You

Her gaze slid over to him as he sat beside her on the bench.
The curve of his neck, the line of his jaw were places where she wished to press her lips to.
She wanted to feel his body shiver as her lips pressed to the sensitive skin of his neck.
To hear him sigh with desire as her lips trailed along his jaw.

Her mind raced with how he would take it if she just pressed her small body against him and whisper in his ear.
"Hard to sit here and be close to you, and not kiss you."
She imagined in her day dreams he would pull her onto his lap ,those gorgeous blue eyes would be dark with desire and he would whisper back.
"Then kiss me my little one. I've been waiting."
When their lips touched it would be as if the world just ceased to be and only they existed.
Shivers of desire would take over their bodies and they would soon be tangled in one another arms as the need to be closer overcame them.

He looked at her and smiled as they sat on the bench.
She melted but did not move.

Damn.

His Eyes

He had beautiful eyes.
The kind you could lost in
and I guess I did.

I remember really looking into his eyes and realizing the gorgeous blue tones within.
Then I was knocked off my feet when those eyes were lit up with laughter.
He has the most amazing smile and when that smile reaches his eyes it is like a shock of lightning to my heart.
All I could think in that moment while I caught my breath was oh shit.
That then was followed by the sweeping emotions of loving someone who was just your friend.
Who did not look at you the way you wished.
Who did not want to spend evenings talking on the phone or roaming the outdoors.
Who did not want to share a bottle of wine by a fire.
Who stayed away just enough to make you realize this was all it could be.

My heart sits here aching with the desire and love I feel for this man with the smile that melts my soul and eyes that I could stare into forever.
I withstand the ache for having this precious soul in my life is important.
If it is to be only friends, then I will be the best friend he has ever had.
I will respect his boundaries and cheer him on as he makes his life decisions.

Will there be sad tears in bed at night when I am alone? Yes.
Will there be moments of anger where I want him so bad I hate him? Yes.
Will there be times when I lay prostate in my bed aching so much for him? Yes.

But I will survive because he needs me. I will be his little rock to prop up on and know he has a safe place to be.

Hesitation

I had a plan today.
This morning I would sit in my chair, turn on my computer and go about my day.
Then when the morning had waned I would then say something to you.
A small hello, just to show you that I am only doing what you are doing to me.
That slow stepping away. The changing of small things in our relationship.
Making me not as important.
Saving my battered little heart.

I worried over a question in the back of my mind.

I could see that our conversations were smaller, had less depth
I could see you were not telling me things that were on your mind anymore
I noticed that things had changed with how we went about our day.
I realized I was not as important anymore.

In your hesitation I found my answer.
The answer was yes to the question of our closeness was fading.
You were pushing me away. You were cutting me slowly out of your life.

Then I understood that you are in the same place I am.......

You just cannot be  just friends with someone you are in love with.

You Are My Warrior

You are not a prince on a white horse with a feather in your hat.
You are a warrior on a wild steed with your hair free
A sword to vanquish your enemies.
Arms of steel to crush those who oppose you.
Eyes of blue that see all, know all.

I am the maiden who watches for her warrior.
Wishing for his strong arms to keep her from harm.
I would wash away the battle of the day for you.
Cook for you to keep you strong.
Bring you pleasure to wipe the worries of the world.

My dream is that you, my magnificent warrior, would want me.
Would raise your sword to protect me.
Would wash the worries of the day from my green eyes.
And would bring me pleasure and own me to my core.

This is my fairy tale.
I do not need a prince. I need my warrior.

What I Was Gonna Say

Writing it all down.
What I was gonna say.
Because I cannot say it out loud. No.
That would not be wise for no one seems to be able to handle it.

You can't be alone with me.
I feel like a loser.
What did I do so wrong?
Was my awkward little hug that bad?
Or was it too close to home?
Did your heart almost beat out of your chest?
Wouldn't that be wild?
You wanting me.

I can't say; hey I love you!
I can be whatever you want me to be cause I want to be in your life.
I want to be with you however you want me to be.
I can stay behind the line.
I can be your friend that still loves you.
You don't have to stand next to me. Close to me. Hug me. Touch me.
Just care for me.
Worry about me.
If you heard all that what would you do?
Back away slowly or take me in your arms and kiss me senseless?

No. Can't say all that. I would lose you forever.

And I feel like a fool. A foolish little girl who got too attached.

Just a friend. That is what I am to you.
That friend who will always care and stay behind the line.
That friend who will always be happy for you when you make strides in your life.
That friend who cares more for your happiness than her own cause this friend loves you. Always will.
Of course, I am the friend who will keep this all under wraps.
Hidden in the heart and love you only as you wish.

Is that ok?

What I was gonna say......never mind......

Too Attached

I got way too attached to you.

Talking to you every day. Seeing your smile. Watching those blue eyes light up with laughter.
Having our inside jokes.
All of it built within me to a place where I could not help but fall for you.
When I told you my secret and you did not walk away I felt hope.
When you pulled back once but then was again at my doorstep the hope turned into happiness.

Now I worry my happiness is about to be shattered by the reality of how  you feel.

I know I am not what you want.
I wish I was, Goddess, I do.
But I know I am nothing special.
You need special because you are so very special.
I am aching for I know this will all fade backwards into something that barely resembles what we have had.
You will do this to protect yourself.
To protect me for I know you care. But not like I do for you.
For a moment I might think you love me too.
You can't step into this unique situation and not have your dreams come true.
If that was the case, then I would understand.

But my bruised and battered heart has a hard time thinking anything good.

I am used to being ignored, walked away from and just never being good enough.

I will get better.

I will still be there for you.
I will still be your friend.

The Worst Part

I worried over you.
I wanted you to be safe and happy.
You were always on my mind but I never told you that.
Oh no, that would not be a good thing.
I would see the sideways glance from you of worry cause you did not want me the way I wanted you.
I was a friend. Just a friend and no more.
I could not help to fall for you.
Do you really blame me? Do you?

I would have stayed at your side as your friend but  you began putting those walls up.
I felt as if I had done some wrong to now not be able to just talk to you as we did before.
Now the boundaries are there.
My mind goes back to the silliness that I displayed.
I remember trying to just tell you how I felt with out being too obvious.
I just wanted to tell you that I cared. You were important to me.
I think I broke the connection for it may be that you do not care for me the same.

So I close my eyes and go to the dream world where we are together, having fun and laughing.
Then I realize I am dreaming over something that is so far fetched.
Why would you even want me? I am not even in your league. I am so far beneath you that I cannot see the moon through the sun.

I sit and ponder how to keep our friendship alive with out my heart breaking.
I ponder how we could just be there and I could just accept whatever you present.

And the worst part of it all is that I'm wasting all my time pondering over you
when I know your thoughts never ponder over me.

You Are Not Mine

You are not mine, but sometimes I pretend that you wish you were.
I create this idea that you secretly want me and I often forget it's just something I've made up.
You do not want me and you do not want me and you are not mine.

Now I step back into the shadows. Being that sideline person in your life that really does not matter in the grand scheme of things.

I wanted to be your friend but somewhere I went wrong.
I crossed some invisible line that had you backing away from me.
Maybe all those fantasies I had in my head of you and I showed a little too much in my eyes when we were together.
Maybe you felt the bond growing closer and it was not for you.

Now I cannot go to those dream places for my heart cannot stand the pain.

I will just wander in the shadows.

I Drank her Silence

The moment she came into view his heart stuttered and he had to pause.
Blues watched her saunter up to him across the parking lot. That little slip of a woman did not simply walk, she sauntered, skipped, danced or swayed to whatever happy melody was in her head at the moment.
She sparkled and sparked as she moved. Heads turned to watch this beautiful creature pick him to come to.
When she was standing before him, so small not even reaching his chin, he felt his heart break open and he let his breath go.
It was time to stop the dream. Time to live it instead.
Before he could even move her happy grin lit up her face and she wrapped her arms around his middle. Pressing her head to his chest she molded her body against his.
God, she felt amazing and he wrapped his arms around her tight.
His cheek laid to the top of her head and they stood there, locked in each others arms for a few moments. Neither one of them wanted to let go. He knew this. She did as well and that made him happy.
It was time.
He pulled back a little then lifted his hands to cup her cheeks .
His heart pounding in his chest he began to speak.

"I want to tell you something." he said and she nodded, green eyes staring into his bright and filled with anticipation.

His thumbs slid over her skin and the need to taste her took over. His lips captured hers in a deep kiss. He felt her respond to him and he groaned as her tongue touched his.
She was delicious like he thought she would be and he underestimated his response to her.
He felt like he was falling into an abyss of desire. He could not lose control now. No. He needed to tell her how he felt, it had to be said.

Pulling back he stared into her eyes once again.

"I love you little one. Love you so much and I want to give this a shot. I have no clue what to do, where to start but right now.....let's do this...together." he said in a rush.

Her small hands slid up his chest and her body pressed to his.
Green eyes said sentences...no not just sentences, they were paragraphs of how she felt.
Tears glistened at the corner of her eyes and she was smiling. A happy, bright, loving smile but she said nothing. She did not have to.

I drank her silence like liquor and it destroyed me the same, but I fell for all of her, hopelessly and endlessly.
My soul will always be lifted when she walks into the room and my blood will always dance when her breath passes through me.

Meeting Her

He just sat there and shook his head at her antics.
Every day that little slip of a woman made him laugh and smile.
Often he would go back to when they first met.
He could not ever forget how shivers washed over his soul when those beautiful green eyes stared into his own.
Now he could not get enough of staring into their depths.
He felt he could mine for the answers to the mysteries that she presented if he looked deeply enough.
But all he found was his soul staring back at him.
That took him a moment to puzzle out. He was not used to needing to be around someone this much.
He tried to avoid her at first. Never be alone with her too much.
Not after when they met he felt the connection.
This invisible thread that tied them together.
Dreams were filled with her slaying the dragons of the world with him or strolling along the beach at sunset.

He had realized within minutes of meeting her that she was rare; he had known within hours that she was everything he wanted.

This little one was priceless to him and he knew he had to take a chance.
It was time to make the dreams in his mind a reality.

Damn the consequences.

A Word

Late at night I search and search for a word
that word
that explains how I feel about you and how much I truly adore you
but I cannot find that word
so for now,
it'll be your name.
Your name, forever the name on my lips.

It will stain my soul with desire.
Your name.
I will whisper it to the night sky
praying that you hear me on waves of star dust
Your name
will be my anchor in the night when I am cold.
When I am wishing you are beside me, holding me, protecting me.
Your name.
Slipping from me as a sigh as the tears slide down my face
as your ride away to the north.
Away from me.
your name
will always be on my lips.
in my mind
in my soul

Wrapped in your Arms

She stared at him from across the room. She knew that it was time to tell him the truth.
Time to get real.
Real. What was real. Is it something we can touch or is it something we feel. Or something completely different.
Anyway, It was time to be real.

She stood. His eyes flicked to her as she stood.
She liked that he noticed. He always watched her.
That made her happy.
That made her feel protected.
That was a feeling she enjoyed.

Her feet carried her to stand before him.
Her green eyes stared into his gorgeous blues.

"I  need to tell you a truth." She said softly.

"Say it." he said with a smile

A nod and she began....

"I wanna be wrapped in your arms
skin against skin
hands intertwined
let me fall asleep
to the sound of your heartbeat."

His arms slid around her as she breathed the last word.
Eyes boring into her soul he said softly

"Yes."

His lips captured hers in a deep kiss and their time together began.

Want to Grow with You

Never had he felt so defeated as he did at this very moment.
His heart was heavy, his soul weary and his mind in turmoil.
He found himself in love with a woman that made him rethink everything he had ever known..
Everything he thought he stood for crumbled in the face of her sparkling green eyes.
He thought he had known love before but he realized that that was a campfire compared to the roaring forest fire he was engulfed in at this moment.

He looked at the boxes around him and he steeled his heart.
Leaving was the only way to keep his sanity. He had to go. Find some semblance of normal.

His phone buzzed in his pocked and he looked down at the text from her.
Heart pounding he read the words: come see me real quick. I know you are packing but I have something to say but it has to be said in person. Come to our place in an hour.
He texted yes back to her and grabbed his keys.
One thing he knew about his little one, she would not let go without a fight.
He had to steel himself against her gorgeous green eyes, her amazing smile and how she made his heart pound with desire.

When he pulled into the parking lot next to the small lake he saw her sitting on a bench feeding bread to the ducks. They milled around her excitedly quacking and gobbling up the bread she tossed to them. He shook his head as he got out of the car. His little one was always giving to others, even ducks.

"Hey" he said as he came up to the bench.
Those green eyes flicked up to him and that 1000 watt smile slammed into him.
God he was not going to make it through this, he thought and ran his hand over his hair.

"Hi there Sunshine." she grinned up at him.
The ducks had left quacking their way back into the lake.

Every time she called him Sunshine it made him grin like a fool. Her little nickname for him had stuck and he secretly loved it. He never told her how much he liked it. Hell, he had not told her much at all about how he felt. He wondered if he should.

"Come sit down. I want to talk with you. I won't take too much of your time." she said.

He sat down next to her on the bench and wondered what she would say. This little one always tended to surprise him with what sorts of things she came up with.

"I know you are packing I know you are leaving within the week. I think its time for me to be honest with you." her green gaze met his blue one and she held him enthralled.

"I fell in love with you months ago. I was always afraid to tell you how I felt. Then you told me you were moving away and I knew I needed to tell you how I felt. I needed to take the chance. I know this could jeopardize our friendship but I had to tell you."

His body was thrumming with joy at her words but his mind ceased up thinking, no. She cannot love me, not now, not with this situation. So much was in the way of what he wanted with her.
He remained silent and he saw her eyes fill with tears but he couldn't move.

She took a deep breath and began to speak again,

"I want to grow with you, to see how much we can thrive together. I want to help you find your dreams, and see them come to life. I want to be there for you when it all seems too much, I want to be the voice that reminds you of hope. I want to make you smile and laugh, to experience joy everyday. I want to be real with you, to open myself and lay down my armor. I want quiet nights, filled with sweet nothings. I want days filled with you, and I want to continue seeing you, in your weakest or in your strongest I want to be there with you."

One tear slid down her cheek and his paralysis broke. He lifted his hand to gently wipe the tear away.
His voice came forth breaking slightly as he spoke past the lump in his throat.

"I love you too my little one. I love you so much but how do you grow with me. How do we get to this magical place you just described?"

Her smile burst forth like the sun through the storm clouds.

"With love, new pathways, and determination. We can do this if we love enough. And at the end of day if it does not work then we can go our separate ways with the knowledge we tried. We fought for love."

His heart skipped a beat as he realized she was right. She was so damn right that he actually gasped with the realization. He was always thinking about how HE wanted the relationship to be instead of taking it for what it was. Seeing that this woman loved him. Was willing to split herself in two to bring him into her world. To love him thoroughly and wholly. He felt his heart break open in joy and he pulled her into his arms.
Staring into her eyes he said softly, "Then I choose love. Let's do this." Then his lips claimed hers.

Sucks

She sat across from her friend in the restaurant and sighed.

"He is going to be leaving soon. I believe he cares for me but he can't go there. I don't offer the best circumstance for a relationship. I mean it is a little different. Not many can share."

Her gaze was on her untouched plate of food. It was hard to eat these days.

"I sure know how to pick them eh?" She laughed and her friend agreed.

"I mean he is amazing. Gorgeous. Sweet. Smart. Creative. So much fun. I want to spend time with him and .....yeah go there." She laughed softly.

"But he won't even go out with me anymore. He keeps his distance. I sit at home thinking he does love me in some way right? I mean why would he get so close. We talk all the time. I know almost everything. He tells me his secrets. But still....he stays away. He is careful with his words. "

She poked a fork in her fettuccine and shook her head.

"It makes me question what I feel. What if this is all one sided and I make an ass of myself by saying something to him? Goddess, that would be an epic fail."

She looked across the table at her friend with un-shed tears in her eyes and said

"It sucks when you know that you need to let go but you can't because you're waiting for the impossible to happen."

Her gaze fell to her food and she felt her heart squeeze painfully. It was time to just let it be.

I Hope You Find

Heart pounding in her chest she knew he was going to be leaving tomorrow and tonight was a rare night for them.
They actually will be together. Alone.
He kept his distance from her and the last few weeks had been agonizing. He would not go with her anywhere, see her, drink with her. Nothing.

Eyes flicked up from where she leaned against her car in the parking lot to see him pull up.
As he got out of his truck her gaze drank him in.
This amazing man caught her attention almost a year ago and their friendship grew into this deep connection they never spoke about. But they both knew it was there.
She watched him walk up to her with a smile on his face but she could see the strain at the corners of his eyes.
This was hard on him too. She knew this and she remained careful around him.
It was hard to keep her hands to herself. Goddess that was the truth.
Her palms itched to slide down his chest. Her body ached to press to his. Her lips tingled to touch his and know the passion that was always between them.

They walked into the bar to have their last drinks and talk about his move.

Once the night wound down and they were walking to their cars she stopped him with a hand on his arm.

"You are leaving and I have to do this. I have to. So deal with it." she said with a playful smile and the she wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug.
He went very still for a moment and her heart sank, oh Goddess, he did not love her He did not see her this way. Oh shit I am a fool.
The last thought was crushed into oblivion as his strong arms wrapped around her and pulled her tight against his body.
She buried her face in his chest and inhaled.
She wanted to memorize his scent. Wanted to imprint him on her soul so when she was feeling lost she could reach for his anchor.
His face nuzzled her hair and shivers washed over her body.
She could feel his heart pounding in his chest. Hers pounded in rhythm.

They stood there locked in each others arms, neither one willing to let go first.
Though he did speak first.

"I am going to miss you little one. I wish things were different. God I wish."

She could hear the barely contained emotion in his voice and she lifted her head to look up at him.

"I will miss you too. I know we never went out much I wanted to all the time. You are ...amazing." She said softly and then sighed heavily.
"I always wanted to know how you felt about me but I never asked cause I was worried I was off base. That you did not have any feelings for me other than casual."

His head shook slowly then his soft voice admitted what she had been wanting to hear.

"I fell for you months ago but I knew I could not go there with your situation. I knew if I touched you I could not stop. I knew if I kissed you I would never stop. I knew if I made love to you I would be begging you to run away with me and I know you can't. I cannot do what you guys do, so I have to go. I am a storm of emotions. " He sighed and then went silent.

Her hand reached up and slid over his cheek. He gazed down into her eyes.
Raising on tip toes she pressed her lips to his softly. A gentle kiss but every ounce of love she had for him was in it. His soft sigh told her he was losing his battle and he dragged her up to kiss her deeper.
She felt his tongue slide into her mouth and the desire whipped through her and she knew this was heaven. She knew now why they did not get close. This was a true storm of fire.

Pulling away she felt the emotions over flow in her soul and she felt her heart break into a thousand pieces.
He needed someone who could be there for him all the time. Who would cook him pancakes in the morning and brew strong coffee. Who would massage his back after a long day of working on his projects. Who would make him laugh even when he did not want to. Who would travel with him and be his anchor in the storms of life.
She could only give him half of that and it was not fair.
She had to let him go.
Let her soul mate go.

She remained in his arms and laid her head on his chest. His arms tightened around her.
Her protector. Her warrior.

She began to speak softly.
"I hope you find someone who is brave enough to enter your storm and respects you enough to love the size of your waves. I hope you find someone who will relish the calm you can have, and who is eager to set sail on the expanse of your mind."

She took a step back from him to look up into his eyes as hers swam with tears she continued.

"I hope you find someone that can't escape the love they have for you because now they have you in their very blood, always reminding them that you are the only sea worth exploring."

He stared down at her his own eyes shimmering with tears but he said nothing.

"I love you. I know its crazy to say.. I know it is not the right time. I have no idea if you feel the same but I have to say it so you know you are loved."

She took another step backwards watching him then turned to rush to her car as the tears streamed down her face.

Isn't it that What Friends are For?

The day had gone from bad to worse in a matter of moments.
Of course I instantly felt sorry for myself because what I had just been told affected me deeply.
He would be leaving soon. Going away. Far away and that meant they had no chance.

Ha. Like I had a chance anyway.

Hours later when alone in my room in the dark just staring into the space above I stopped the selfish pain.
He was going through a lot of his own. So much on his mind. So many things he kept close to his chest that I had to play the guessing game to try and help.
He did not realize that I knew his feelings. Felt them rush to tangle with my own.
There were days I did not know where I ended and he began.
Such flights of fancy! If he ever read this he may back away slowly with a scared smile on his face for his friend had lost her mind.

Friends that is all they were. Hell, more like online friends for as much as they saw one another.
That stung.
He even kept me at arms length physically.
Oh how I have always wanted to wrap my arms around his big body and bury my face in his chest.
I bet he smells amazing.
But they were close.They talked to much. Shared some secrets.
Didn't that mean anything?!
Obviously....it does on some level.
Ah but I digress.....back to the point.

I realized as I lay in the dark feeling sorry for myself that I had to remember he was going through his pain. Just because he did not do this or that did not mean he stopped caring.
Did not mean he had abandoned the friendship.
I really need to get a grip.

Friendship. What a fucked up word when it was used in this context.
They could be nothing but friends.
Bullshit.
Well there were odd circumstances but hell aren't those things the obstacles we should climb over in life to get to what we truly want?
I may need to remember one thing - he may not want me.
Suck on that one for a while.
It is a bitter pill to swallow.

If I were to tell him anything it would be this:

It hurts to know that you will never look at me the way I look at you.

And so I will bury my disappointment, my hurt and make sure I am the rock he needs while he goes through his stressful time.
I will be his champion. I will be the one he can always trust
I will hide my tears at home and only show him the sunshine he needs.

After all isn't that what friends are for?
Even the friends you are in love with?

You

The pain settled above her right eye and she sighed softly as she closed her eyes for some relief.
Things had not been going well lately and she felt the stress in every part of her body.
There were days she wanted to just scream fuck you all and walk out the door and not look back. But she had to keep putting one foot in front of the other to get the job done.
She did not think she had much more in her today though. Her body ached along with her head now.

Settling into bed she sat there. One glass of wine drained and the relief flowed through her body.
Relaxing her muscles. Releasing the tension.
Eyes closed she let the day just slip away.
Her phone buzzed and one eye cracked open to peer at who dare text her now.

There he was. The calm in the center of the hurricane of her life.
Her lips turned up into a smile.
This man always knew when to lift her up and how.

Touching the text she read his words.
'Chin up little one. I got you and if you need me to come hold you tonight just say the word and I will be on my way/'

Chaos was her life.
And in the middle of my chaos there was you.....

She sent her text to him.
It simply read; I need you now. All I want is You.

I Dreamed of You

'I dreamed of you. I dreamed you were wandering in the dark and so was I. We found each other. We found each other in the dark'

She stared at the text she had typed out to him.
She would not send it. Oh no. That would not do.
He would look at it and think she had finally lost it.
Fear laced her heart as she did not want to ever lose him in her life.
They were friends. This is where he seemed to want to remain but she wanted more.

So much more.

Phone tossed aside she leaned back in bed and let out a nervous breath.
She hated texting him for she never knew if he would answer or not. Most of the time he did but something like this would not be understood.
The desire for him burned in her soul.
Need snaked through her as she thought about kissing him for the first time.
How it would feel to slide her hands over his skin.

Her phone buzzed and her gaze froze on the name.
It was him!

Clicking open the phone she looked down to see he had answered her text.
Fear whipped her heartbeat up another notch as she realized the text she had typed out sent.
The one she intended not to send was sent anyway.

His text back to her read 'We did find each other in the dark and now we hold on to one another while we walk into the light. I am coming over for it's getting dark and we need to be together my little one.'

Heart galloping in her chest she grinned.
Oh my. Oh my. He was coming over. He wanted this. He wanted her.

She texted back: 'I will be waiting.'

Then she bounded out of bed to get ready for her lover.

In the Middle of a Lightning Storm

Bright light danced through the room and then the sound of thunder rolled right after.
The storm was bearing down on her and she felt the weight of it on her soul.
She dreamed her days away. Thinking about him. Wondering about him. Wishing he would do this or that.
Her courage fled in the face of trying to tell him how she felt
Her fear was to find out he did not feel that way about her.
Then he would leave.

Her body ached for his touch.
Lips tingled with the desire to touch his.

The lightning flashed again, lighting up the worry lines between her eyebrows.
The tightness in her chest seemed to grow and as one lone tear rolled down her cheek she whispered to the storm as it raged above.

"I would kiss you in the middle of a lightning storm. I would kiss you knowing it would kill me, cause I'd rather be left for dead than left to wonder what thunder sounds like."

The thunder shook the windows as if echoing her statement.

The tears fell like the rain.

Fear Losing You

Tonight I sit and stare at the quotes I have saved.
They rip through my mind and I feel like any one of them I try to place where he will see will backfire.
He won't see the quote from me but he will let the quote take him to the other one he is in love with.

It seems I am the one who hangs out on the edges of people's lives.
I lift them up but I am never the one they think of when a love song comes on the radio.

I wish I was.
I want to be that one he thinks of when he closes his eyes at night.
I want to be the one he thinks of first when he wakes up.

I have a rock in my chest where my heart should be.
It sits on my lungs making it hard to breathe.

I want to think good things but I am so used to being left behind and forgotten.

Our conversation went further than ever before. He was so sweet and funny.

He pushed me to talk about what was on my mind.
I felt the fear rise up and pull the darkness over my eyes and seal my mouth shut.
How can I tell this amazing man that I am in love with him when he is in love with someone else?
I fear he will shut down and then I lose my friend.

He would never read this so I will say what I wish I could tell him -

I love the way your smile lights up your eyes.
I love the way you move with such power and grace.
I love how protective you are of me.
I love how your sharp sense of humor makes me laugh.
I love how you make me smile every day.
I love you...all of you.
I can't lose you because if I ever did I'd have lost my best friend, my soul mate, my smile, my laugh, my everything

All I care about is his happiness. I will be the rock he needs when he is down and needs to rest his troubles.
I will hold him up as he goes through his tough times. I will listen and soothe him as a friend would do.
I will love him quietly and when he flies away to live the life he has dreamed about I will applaud him with joy as the tears stream down my face as my heart breaks.

She was Fierce

He shook his head and laughed out loud at the text.
That woman had his heart in her hand and she knew how to take him from a bad mood to a good one in just one sentence.
His day had been rough, so much going on, so much on his mind but his little one always made him smile.
His world changed with her around
He found himself on more than one adventure. Going places he would never have gone. Doing things he thought he never would do.
He regretted none of it for when he was with her all was right in his world.

She was fierce, she was strong, she wasn't simple, she was crazy and sometimes she barely slept.
She always had something to say, she had flaws and that was ok.
And when she was down she got right back up.
She was a beast in her own way but one idea described her best.
She was unstoppable and she took anything she wanted with a smile.

And that smile was what caught him.
Those green eyes saw into his soul. Knew what he needed and she gave him love like he had never known.
Finally he felt at peace in his heart and soul.
He had come home.

I'm Afraid

Damn him. She thought as she logged off and began to gather her things to go home.
This is not what it should be like.
They were close. They needed to stay close. They lifted one another all the time.
They were connected in ways they both did not understand but they did need each other.
So why the distance. Why?

The tears threatened and she growled at herself. Stop it. No tears. Not here.

A day went by and he did not say a word.
Her heart began to crumble inward.
What happened?
The tears did dot her lashes and streaked her face.

She ached for him. The ache went down to her soul and she knew he felt it too.

Finally she gave in. Her heart twisted, her stomach flipped at the fear she felt.
The fear that he has gone away forever.

She texted to him.
I'm afraid we'll be one of the ones who miss each other their entire life.
Let's not do this. Please.

Nothing came back. She closed her eyes and fell asleep on top of the blankets.
Then he phone buzzed at midnight.
The text said.
Then let's not do that. I am coming over now.

Her heart hammered in her chest as she waited.
When he pulled up she ran to him.
She did not care that she had never been in his arms.
She did not care who saw her fling herself into his embrace.
All she knew is that he caught her up in his arms and hugged her tightly.
She heard him mutter softly against her hair, never leaving you little one.
Her gaze lifted to meet his and she said, "Truth?"
He nodded. "Truth."
"Ah...thank the Goddess." She breathed then cupped his cheeks in her hands to pull him down for their first of many kisses.

Won't Break you

"Fuck." he muttered as the screw stripped completely. He threw the socket wrench down and stepped back one hand running over his face in frustration.
He could not concentrate. Thoughts flew all over in a conflicting jumble.
The one consistent thought in his head was her.
Everything he thought about circled back to that gorgeous little thing that he wanted so badly.
He wanted to show her the stupid screw that stripped. Hear her ideas of getting it out and then her tirade of how rude the screw was to do that to him.
He grinned and sipped his drink. That girl could make him laugh at his darkest time.
He laughed and thought about their ongoing cartoon discussion on what cartoon was better than the other. God she was amazing

"Hey what's so funny?"

He looked up to see his friend walk into the garage.
"Nothing...just fucked up a screw." he sighed and then stood up.

"Nah, You are thinking about her again aren't you?" his friend said as he came and sat on another stool nearby.

He nodded and sat back down, pulling his hat off his head and running a hand through his hair.
"I can't stop thinking about her. I think about what could be and then what can't be. It sucks. But the thought of her not being in my life is something I am not sure I can handle."

"You want to be happy?" his friend said watching him closely.

"Yeah sure but hell the situation is just one disaster waiting to happen. This won't last and with all the crazy factors involved......" he trailed off and sighed feeling the pain wash over him.
"I don't want to be hurt again. I've been through that shit and this one feels like it could break me completely if something happened."

His friend stood and laid a hand on his shoulder and then said quietly.

"She won't break you like those other girls will. That's exactly why you're terrified of her. She could make you happy. And you know being happy is the most terrifying thing in the universe. Once you're happy it can be taken from you."

He looked at him, hearing the words and letting them sink in. He continued.

"But look at you now. You are not happy. You want to run and sink yourself into work again to not think, to not live. Sometimes you have to just take a chance. If it all goes sideways you will know you tried. But what if it works out? I know its different, this situation but dude what if it works out?"

He felt something inside him come to life at those words.
Truth.

Maybe It Won't Work Out But.....

She stared at the computer screen and sighed.  The post about not being able to sleep was posted and she felt like he would see that and know she was thinking of him. She wished that. She prayed for that.
No sleep was claiming her tonight. Scenarios and happy endings spun within her mind.
They would sit on the porch as the sun came up over the mountains, drinking coffee and enjoying one another's company. They would roast hot dogs over a fire on the beach laughing at whatever crazy antics they had during the day.
She knew it was a dream but hell, why not dream. She was a dreamer.
Why couldn't she have him? Why not?
Cause she was complicated. That was truth.
Maybe he did not like her that way.
A cold chill raced through her soul at that thought and her mind swept her into the dark places she did not like to be.

Her phone buzzed and her heart went to slamming in her chest.
He had texted her.

'You up?' it read

She snatched up her phone and texted back. 'yes'

'I thought so' he said then another text came through. ' Can I call?"

Oh my. Her fingers fumbled out the yes and within a moment he was calling.

"Hi." she said softly as she pressed the phone to her ear.

"Hi. How you doing?" he said and his voice sent shivers of desire through her small form.
Goddess she was lost. This man had her so twisted with desire and longing she did not know what to do with herself. She felt like a silly untried girl with her first love.
What a fool she was.

"I'm good. Just laying here. I want to sleep but damn it's not happening."

"Same here." he said then a sigh was heard.
"Hey.....I want to ask you something."

"Sure. Ask away." She said with a tremor in her voice. Anytime he said things to her out of the blue it scared her. Maybe he was going to move now. Maybe he had a secret girlfriend he did not tell her about and now he was. Maybe he loved her too?

"Do you think of me when you are laying there not able to sleep?" his voice was very soft but she could hear the worry in his voice as he asked.
Her heart had not stopped it's frantic pounding and now it sped up even more. Her breath caught and she wanted to freak out say something flippant but instead she said.

"Yes. Every night when I go to sleep you are on my mind. Every morning when I wake up I think about you and how you are doing."

His breath let out slowly on the other end of the phone.

"Ditto, Little One. Ditto." he said then laughed. "I am lost on you and I have no clue what to fucking do. I am not sure if I could even deal with the situation. But I know I am terrified to lose you. I am scared that we get into this......relationship and it wont work out."

Her heart was soaring cause now she knew he cared. Now she knew her intuition was correct and he thought about her too in the dark of the night.

"Maybe it wont work out.But maybe seeing if it does will be the best adventure ever." She said and smiled at the phone.

He laughed softly. "True. You always know what to say don't you my little one?"

"Yeah. I guess I do." she sighed. "It's worth a try though. We don't want to get to the end of our lives and look back thinking - we should have taken the chance."

"Can I come over now?"

Her heart about flew from her chest at the words he just spoke.

"Yes. Please. Yes." she stammered breathlessly.

"I will be right over love."

She hung up the phone and stared at the quote
Their adventure was beginning!